Rensselaer Republican, Volume 24, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 August 1892 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

The average man devotes his engagement to wishing he was rich enough to have a nice home for his wife and spending what money be ias on nonsense for her. —“Where is Robinson?” “Left town.” / “Well, he’s been hustling ike the\old Scratch tor a long time, ’spose he’s gone to take a rest?'* “No; he’s gone to Canada to avoid arrest.” Mrs. Henpeck (playfully) —I don’t see why a big dog like that should be afraid of a little girl like you. Little girl—We’ve been together so long ! guess he finks I’m his wife. “Maud, run over to Mrs. De Swelle’s and tell her her chimney is on fire.” “I can’t papa. This is Wednesday'and Mrs. De Swelle’s day is Thursday. I will go to-morrow. — Harper’s Bazar. —; .... \ TerwiUinger-“Miss Playne doesn’t like you, old fellow. She says you’re a conceited popinjay. Jerolomon — The reason Miss Playne doesn’t likfe me is because I am not a popin’jay. Little Sadie—“O, Uncle Harry, Miss Brown and Mr. Swift are m the parlor, and she has her head on his shoulder.” Uncle Harry—“ That’s all right. She has a lien on him.” “George Washington must have been a mere boy when he was inaugurated President,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “I saw an engraving of the scene the other day, and Washington was in short trousers.” —Harper’s Bazar. “A gentleman,” said the philosopher, “a true gentleman may be defined as a man who can buy another man a cigar without wondering whether the other man wilt ever return the compliment.”—lndianapolis Journal. The minister’s wife (to industrial scholars). —Eliza Jane, I am sorry to bear from your schoolmistress you are not diligent at your needlework. You know who it is finds work for idle hands to do? Eliza Jane (intensely anxious to propitiate)— Y'esjtnj please’m, you do!