Rensselaer Republican, Volume 24, Number 47, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 July 1892 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

Daughter—something in the of a new gown. There is something decidedly racy in the horse-radish. It is generally the man who can least afford the cost who has the reddest nose. —Ram’s Horn. A towel trust has been established. It will come down with a crash. The alternate delegate to the presidential nominating convention never gets a postoffice. The man who is the most awkward at saying nice things is usually the most sincere. She—And why is a ship called ‘she?' He —Aye, ma’am ! because the rigging costs so much. The boy on the farm approaches his turning period when the baying grindstone is brought out for use. Miss Maud —Isabel is a charming girl, isn't she? Miss Nettie (icily)— Humph ! Charming ex-girl, you mean. _ __ , “I tell you, that fellow Bibbs has .“Yes, T struck him for $5 and ho promptly said nay.” Persistency is the road to success. The only known exception to this rule is the case of a hen sitting on a china egg. a While .waiting for the temperature .to take a drop there is.no particular reason for people taking too many themselves. .. _: Miss Flash—What do think is wt man’s hardest trial? Miss Dash —A rainy Sunday when she/ has a new hat. '' < '' - ■ ’ Variety is the spice of life. If a man has nothing for supper to-night he doesn’t want it for breakfast tomorrow morning. Professor at Lick Observatory—-I notice now a new star that has recently appeared in the northeast, and you can see plainly that it is inhabited, . Tourist (looking)—l am pretty sure, professor, that you are loolting into the twenty-third story of a Chi-cage-sky-scraper. . She—What is the best thing to keep one from being sunburned at the seashore ? He —I should think a theater hat would be. j Fair passenger—l wonder why the obean is so restless ? Gallant mate —How could you expect it to lie easy with so many rocks m its bed. Lucky—Do you honestly think, Jack, thftt Bob Jones loves that girl? Jack—Well, I saw him ’round shopping with her the other day. “Why should we say to Satan ‘Get thee behind me?'”Mked the Sunday school teacher. “So get ahead of him,” returned the bright boy. She may have a little of this world’s pelf, But life still pleasure brings. And that’s when she has a day to herself To go out pricing things. “Father,” said a six-year-old, “tell me where is Atoms?” “Atoms, my boy? What do you mean?” “Why, the place where everything gets blown to.” The coalman’s season may be the winter, the summer an iceman's'harvest, so that its possible the milkman finds his greatest profit in the spring. Perdita—-He has the reputation 0! "tjetng S“fbrtuhe hunter; do you believe he is? Penelope—Why—yes—that is, I understand he wants to marry you. Mamma —Don’t you know that your father is the mainstay of the family? Freddy Golly, ain’t he though! And the spanker, too! He in out to-day lit his yachting clothes, Which fit him to a T, But the way he wears them plainly shows That he never goes to sea. Maud—ls Helen very nervous? Alice —Well, I should think so. Why, every night when she takes down her folding bed she shuts it up again to look under it. Papa—Sir, why did you kiss 'my daughter against her will? JackWell, because—don’t you see—b - cause she changed herjnind too