Rensselaer Republican, Volume 24, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 June 1892 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

vine’s Idea.—“l‘m glad I’m not aduriamaof,” said Wille. “It must be awful unpleasant to have it dark all day and the son shining all night. ” ‘There’s nothing without work, yok knew.” Thus spoke the seedy prowler; “Se rise, I prythee, and We’Ugo And gaily work the groWlhr** Caution in the Nursery.—“ And why, Jennie, did you tfell Willie you wouldn’t be his little wife?” “Tause he didn’t ast jne ’til heknowed I had five cents.” . Assistant—“ Don’t you think Spacer’s work is deteriorating?” Editor (putting a bundle in an envelope.)— “It is certainly going back.” Patient —“Doctor, I have trouble about swallowing. Does that amount to anything?” Doctor (looting down his throat)—“Yes, that amounts to $5.” “See here, Jiggers, I’ve a bone to pick with you.” “I’m with you. There’s a restaurant across the way. Make it a mutton bone, for Eve quite . an appetite.” “What a splendid color Missjones has!’’ said Chollie. -‘Shehas. indeed,” s sajd Miss Senvius. “She must have discovered a new druggist." “Young man,” said the merchant, “do v-ou think you could keep our books?” “Y-a-a-s; I pwesume so; but why the deuce don’t you lock them up in youah safe? 8 ’ —* —— Aunt Furby Low (at art store window) —“Did you ever! Look at that little bit of a picture! lt’s'marked $200.” Uncle Si Low (with an air of superiority)—“That means by tho gross.” Professor (to class in physics)— “Now describe this electrical machine, if youjilease.” Head boy—‘‘lt consists of a large glass wheel turned by a crank, ” Applause from the class. Glanders—“lt is said that paper can be used effectively in keeping a persen warm.” C-azley—“That is very true. I remember a thirty day note of mine once kept me in a sweat for a month.” A Sudden Suspicion.—“ That is a fine looking dog of yours.” “You bet! He’s a full blooded English fox hound. I wouldn’t take 200 —2oo— wouldn’t take 200 cents for him. You the Assessor?” New wife—“ To-morrow is your birthday, darling, and I am going to stop at the jeweler’s and buy ycpi a present.” Her hubby—“ Got something cheap, pet, I haven’t paid for my Christmas present yet.” New cook —“I’m told th’ missus wants things in th’ high-toned, fasll 4 ionable style. Sure, I’m afraid I won’t suit, for its only plain cooking I’ve done.” Old cook- —“It’s aiSy enough. Make iverytbing taste loike something ilse.” The* big sister’s intended —“Johnny, why dovou hang around here so much?” Johnny—:“l’s waitin’ to’ hear um jeweller whithtte. Papa thaid he’d have to whithtle for Fis pay forthithta’s ’engagement wing. ” A yacht was in Bath awhile ago named “Psyche.” A man upon the wharf observing the name spelled it out and remaTked ’UYell, may Ibo obfusticated if that isn’t the blankest way of spelling fish that I ever saw?" “Ma,” said a discouraged little Maplewood urchin, “I ain’t going to school any more.” “Why, dear?” tenderly inquired his - mother. Cause tain’t any use. 1 can never learn to spell. The teacher keeps changing words on me all the time.”