Rensselaer Republican, Volume 24, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 April 1892 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

Out on a lark —feattiers. When a man gets religion right -his horse soon finds it out.—Ram’s horn. . -- ~ Don’t cry over spilt milk. .Rush around and find the cat. Men will worship the ground a girl walks on if she f.as good corner lots. It is usually a man who had a head like a cork who gets along best In the swim. Complaint is made that the choir sings out of tune> We recommend that they wear tunics. When an alligator basks in the sun Sou may think he has a soft snap,but e hasn’t. Estelle —“Which would you rather marry for—love or money?” Belle—- “ Both.” It is remarkable how when a bibm lous man’s tongue begins to get thick his ideas begin to get thin. Tillinghast—“Miss Chinner is a tailor made ' girl?’ Gildersleeve — “Yes, she is tne most gentlemanly lady Iknow.’’ Journalism has its drawbacks in South America, where the cock roaches reach a length of four inches.—lndianapolis Journal. He- j »“Upon my word, I think I’ve gone through every experience except hanging.” She—“ Cheer up; that may come yet. ” Phrenologist (delightedly)—“My friend, you were born to command. Are you a soldier?” Dignified stranger —“No, sor. Oi’m the janitor.”—New York Weekly.Pretty Near the Same Thing.— “She didn’t marry a lord after all.” “No; she married a baronet, but he gets as drunk as a lord.” Editor (of monthly magazine, after reading the manuscript)—Your poem, sir, has great literary merit. Author of poem (in a voice of great agony)—Then of course you can’t use it. The Explanation.—“He seems very sober to-night. Did he apologize to you for being drunk at your ball?” “Yes, he said he understood it was to be a fancy dress affair and he came as Gambrinus. ’’ ; Visitor (to little Johnny)—Are the students in your class very bright? Johnnie —Guess you’d think we ought to be if you’d see the polishing off some of us get every day. Miss Passe (to young Mrs. Benedict) —Mrs. Benedict, < just let me give you a wrinkle. Mrs. Benedict (mentally)—l don’t know anybody who could spare one better. “I tried to get your father to indorse a small note for me to-day,” said Mr. Hojack to his wife, “but he couldn’t see it.” “Poor papa, he has become quite near sighted lately,”: replied Mrs. Hojack. Chappie—“What are you going to do, now that she has thrown you overboard? Cholly—Cawn't say; you don’t suppose my man would be willing to commit suicide, do you? •’ Annihilated; —He (feeling his way to a knowledge of her accomplishments)—Can you darn stockings. Arabella? She (w ith distant frigidity) —I don’t expect to marry a man who needs to wear darned stockings.