Rensselaer Republican, Volume 24, Number 29, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 March 1892 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

It is the business of the newspaper e itor to “make a long story short.” “Why do you call her a daisy?” “Because when I proposed she came with aspring.” Having fun is like buying "catfish; after you have cut the head off there is not much left. A man's contempt for a coquette is always mingled with pity for the other fellows. Jake (sorrowfully)—Cora, as you directed, I went to make peace with your father and he has made pieces of me. Ethel —I will wait un tftJ.fi nd an ideal man before I marry. Clarrissa —Yes; but suppose he Wants to marry an ideal woman! Pat —“T’was a devil av a blow the dago gave yer. Yer wuz near kilt.” Mike —“Begorra, I wish I had died that I moite„see the villian hung.” Life is made of compensations. By the time a man is old enough to realize what a lot he does not know te is too old to worry over it.—lndianapolis Journal.

Prisoner, who haS just been successfully defended by his attorney on a charge of burglary, eagerly—- “ You will defend me next time, too, won’t you?” The Reason—“ Weren’t the De Veres and De Lasees excessively polite to each other at the reception last night?” “Yes; they are bitter enemies, you know.” . Everybody knows a woman is hard to please. She likes the matrimonial harness, but doesnt like to be hitched up with a man who is strapped.

“Before he married me John said he would-love me too well ever tc see me build a fire." And does he?” “Yes Jie never looks at me when 1 am building it.” First wall flower (at the ball)— “Rapdy, you’ve |>een vaccinated lately, haven’t you?’' Second wall flower —“No. Why?” (Spitefully)— You don't seem to’ catch anything. * Teacher of physiology —What in gradient which is highly essential in the composition of the human body does sugar possess? Pupils (in oo< voice) —Sand.’ -