Rensselaer Republican, Volume 23, Number 47, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 July 1891 — THE LADY CASHIER. [ARTICLE]

THE LADY CASHIER.

Frost Charotte, Translated for the Epoch. Yes, sir, you may, by inspecting the time-sheet in my office, see that for 20 years I have never been one minute late, and yet I say and be lieve thatjpunctuality is'an execrable vice. Who does not dispise the man who always arrives exactly on time, appearing’ just, when one is trying to finish some occupation, and watch in hand, saying blandly, “Am I not punctual?" Yes, sir, after serving as a regulator for all the clocks in my neighborhood for 20 years, I repeat, punctuality is execrable. lam cured of it, for it was* the cause of the greatest dissapointment of my life. Listeri, and judge for jrourscl f. For seven long years I had breakfasted at the same restaurant; every morning at exactly five minutes past 11 I opened the door, and at precisely five minutes before noon I clewed it It is useless to describe the lady cashier; suffice it to say that from the instant I tasted my first cup of coffee in that restaurant she reigned in my heart. Did my glances express my feelings? I cannot say, but I know that for seven years we loved in silence. It took just that length of time for me to get near enough to speak to, her. as I had to work my way from' table No. 7, which I first occupied, up to tabic No. 1, which stood next to the cashier's desk. Iwas to punctual to arrive an instant earlier at the restaurant than the six other guests, and as they were as exact as I, I was obliged to employ strategy in order to dislodge them. The first man, at table No. 6, was easily disposed of. While waiting to be served I amused myself in cutting corks, and the sound set his teeth on edge and annoyed him so much that he went into tho next room, and I took liis place. : " Six months after, chanee came to my sad and relieved me of No. 5. A waiter broke a goblet and spilt coffee On the table, and the occupant being superstitious insisted on changing his seat, so I moved up again. In the course of my next two meals 1 -succeeded in making myself obnoxious to No. 4, who had a habit of taking a little nap immediately after his breakfast. I contrived, by tilting my chair, to knock him repeatedly, so that at last he got up and left ia a fury. No. 3 held out only one day against me. I made bread and butter black with caviaro and soaked it in my uoffee, and the sight of the mess made my neighbor so sick that he fled precipitately and had hardly time to get out of the room. Then I sat next to No. 2. Ah! I shall never forget that man. It took me four years to get rid of him, and but for the encouraging glances of my angel I should have given up in despair. Perhaps you wonder vrtiy I •did not come to breakfast two hours earlier, when I would have had ray choice of tables. That would have been a simple matter to most meD, but I could not breaky my rules. I was a victim to the folly of punctuality. , J .. ' ... zL,

To return to No. 2. I tried corkcutting, putting caviare in my coffee and dancing about in my chair, but all in vain. Then I discovered ♦bat the man was stone deaf, beside being blind in one eye. I decided, therefore, to attack him through his pocket, and accordingly I made a practice of surreptitiously putting cups, glasses and decanters close to liis elbow, on the blind side, and he invariably knocked them down and had to pay damages. Every day there was a heap of broken glass and ■china on the floor between us, and every day he paid the cost uncomplainingly. The restaurant keeper profited largely by these accidents, tor he had the afflicted guest served with cracked and broken ware, and charged him with the price of new on its being demolished. At the end of four years No. 2 had destroyed as much tableware as would sufftce to set up in housekeeping all the savages of Oceanica, those people who have so few luxuries that one pair of f loves will make clothes for ten men. 'oor No. 2! I pity him now, for I have learned that the reason he clung to his post so pertinaciously was that he too adored the ladv cashier. I had no mercy on him. However, and being at the end of mv resources, had resolved tar put the police on his j track, when he was one day knocked down and killed by one *of those butcher's wagons which arc allowed, I know not why, to rush through Paris streets at full speed. The next rhornln g I seated myself at table No. 2 where, although not quite within the Promised Land, I enjoyed its delicious fragrance. I breathed the odor of tbeorange-flower water which she poured into the hideous little onion shaped bottles. Only one obstacle now seperated •me trom her, my beloved. It was No. .1. I determined to crush him. and from that day war was declared between us. 'He was a terrible man, formerly a captain of gendarmes, strong as a Turk, with heavy moustache and beard. There was a certain amount of gallantry and sentiment,, however, under his rough exterior, for he used to fix his great eyes a pan theladvcashier.and repeat Imur after hour, these words: “I am like the ivy; I die where I attach mv «eK.” The prospect did not consider r.i In the least, for he looked as if h would live to be a hundred. J tried to wifi the monster by relating amus jug tales and making puhs, but he suddenly dampened my ador by say lag, as he twisted bis moustache qneroeiy: “Are you aware air* ( that it was

owing to his wasting time in making] puns that Grouchey arrived too late at Waterloo?” This piece of historical information astonished me not a little, and I felt that if France could mislay her Code for 24 hours I would joyfully stab the terrible captian —in the baek. At last Heaven took pity on me and my love and sept an epidemic sickness which earned off my rival. Immediately I installed myself at table No. X. I was next to her! I contemplated her charming figure above the desk, her blonde hair, her rose bud mouth! Seven years had indeed made some alterations in her charm, but I saw her only with the eye of —that first cup of coffee. I cannot describe our mutual emotious at that moment so long waited for; joy nearly suffocated us and turned our brains; I dipped my napkin into the decanter and poured coffee into my pocketbook, while she piled up sous on plates and dropped lumps of sugar into the money drawer. Only a few words were needed to bind ue to each other, and no one else in the room suspected anything, when, as fectiug to be reading the latter's name inside my hat, I murmured from the depths of the lining: “I love thee." She, while apparently busy in drying a punch-bowl, replied: • *1 love thee. ” “Be my wife!" I added; to-morrow, at my not a rv's atthir t v -fi ve minutes past nine.” ' That was the exact hour at which I always went to my chiropodist, but love prompted the sacrifice. The next morning at the minute agreed on I was with my notary, and while he prepared the papers I tried to describe my beloved. “You will see her!” I cried in ectasy, “she is blonde, slender, beautiful -she has the hand of a queen and the throat of a goddess! For seven long years I have loved her.” Suddenly the notary asked in a careless tone: “Is she shorter tall?' 1 Shis simple question overwhelmed me, and I could only answer: “I do not know.” “What!” he exclaimed, “you have loved her for sev6n years and you do flQl_know whether she is short oi tall?” “It is the solemn truth. I have never seen her except in the restau rant; I am so exact and punctual that I have never been able to devote any time to her except my breakfast hour, that is, from 11:5 to 11:55, an< all that time she is seated behind a desk, so that I have never seen lower than her waist. ” As I finished speaking, the doo> opened end my bride appeared With a cry of dismay I felt uncon scious. The beloved of my heart the angel of my dreams, was the possessor of two wooden legs!