Rensselaer Republican, Volume 23, Number 46, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 July 1891 — Page 7

A SAMOAN STRATAGEM.

Capt. Yon Treunfels, commanding the corvette Venus, stationed at Apia, was as proud of the fair name of his ship as of his own aristocratic cognomen. Every Sunday he inspected all parts of the vessel, and officers and men trembled before his searching glance, for the smallest speck of dirt was sure to bring a thunderstorm upon the : r heads. “Venue was no cow-giri. but the goddess of beauty, and his majesty’s ship that bore her name should be a •floating palace and not a pigsty. Understand?” They could not well help understanding this broad hint, and would have been heartily glad if the examination had stopped at the point, but next eamethe inspection of the men themselves, and any one whose dress and bearing were not faultless could spare, himself the trouble of asking for leave of absence for the next month at least. Much as the Captain loved neatness, however, he was still more particular on the subject of good benavior, and especially sobriety, a not too iommoa virtue among sailors. A man coming on board drunk after leave of absence might rest assured that he would not set foot on thore again during the cruise, and the Captain took care that no one should nave any opportunity of becoming intoxicated on board ship. He occasionally allowed a glass of strbg'duribg bad weather and very hard work, but at other times not even the steward dared take a drop. But, despite all his precautions, the Captain had on several occasions suspected that some of his men were aot quitesober. He at once doubled the watches on both main and gun leeks, and the boats’ crews of the ather vessels in the harbor, as well as the Samoans, were greatly surprised when, on approaching the Venus, they saw a man armed with i naked sword thrust his head and ihoulders from every porthole and ♦xamine them very minutely. The leek watch, too, stared hard at the innocent boats, for section 1 of the regulations said: “See that no liquor s brought on board.” It might be supposed that the men who went on shore could bring back any quantity of spirits very easily, if ihey had not been thoroughly searched ou coming on board. The laptain made them turn out their sockets,and even take off their shoes, out he never found any liquor and Always went away muttering: “I can sot understand it. ’ 1 One day the improvised fair on the gun-deck was especially lively. The Samoans had brought coral and shells, stuffed birds of gay plumage, tnd artistically wrought mats, weapsns, and idols. Others of the native displayed heaps of oranges and lemans. oocoanuts, bananas, and pinejpples, and, although they sold these very cheaply, they made a good proit, for the fruit was either taken from wild trees to which no one laid claim, ar obtained by night without the ’ormality of payment. The goodlatured fellows were equally careless ■about collecting the price of what hey sold, and, if they detected a >ailor s’yly abstracting a pineable or -wo, they either pretended not to see ihe theft or laughed as it were an excellent joke. Not so the pig-tailed sons of the Celestial empire, however. Adroit rascals themselves they were suspicious of everybody else, •»nd their sharp little eyes kept a constant watch uppn wares and buyers. They carefully test: 1 every piece of money offered in payment, Which so displeased the sailors that ihey would have refused to deal with ihe almond-eyed gentlemen except for the fact that the latter offered for tale many beautiful things which they could not obtaiu of the Samoans Only one of the Chinese condescended to soil cocoanuts, whereby he won ihe contempt of his countrymen, who "/nought suoh petty business only fit for the uncivilized natives. At 3 o’clock the active discipline of the ship was resumed, and the pedllers packed up their traps and departed. As the last one went over ihe side the captain, who had hitherto occupied a post from which he could see all that was going on, gave a sigh of relief and started to go to iiis cabin. On the steps he came into violent contact with a sailor, who immediate ! y turned and ran. The captain hastened after him, caught him by ihe arm, and cried: “Man, you have been drinking! Don’t deny it; I saw it at a glance/ No answer. ‘ ‘Will you speak or not? Where is the liquor?” “Nowhere, captain.” “Then you deny that you are drunk? Good! I will soon prove to you that you are. March to the hospital.” There was no escape. The captain escorted the culprit to the hospital -between decks, where patients and nurses sprang up in-, surprise when they saw the oommander. “Nurse, tell*the surgeon to come here at once.” - “Aye, aye, captain.” □ The surgeon appeared and was astounded by the question: “Doctor, is this man drunk?" “That I cannot say at a glance." “Then examine him, and quickly.” The young looked into the “patient’s" eyos, felt his pulse, and laid his hands on his temples. But the man’s breath happened to reach his nostrils and left him in no doubt that the xtpiain’s suspicious were well founded. The surg»on knew, how severe the oaptain could be in such a case and mod to shield the man from punishment

“I cannot determine with certainty, captain; - said he. ‘*Ho! Then I will show you how to do so, although I am no physician. Pay attention, doctor.” Then, turning to the saMor, he cried: “Stand stiil!" The man set his teeth and stood like a post. -■* “Arms forward, elbows raised, finger-tips together!" “Do you see, doctor, how he rocks? His fingers tremble so that he cannot keep them together. That is an infallible sign of intoxication. The physicians may hot know it, but I do. and I tell you the man is drunk.” ‘The ship rolls,” groaned the poor wretch, who was now swaying like a reed. “No; the ship is quiet enough, but you roll. Where is the liquor, man?” “I don’t know, captain.” Such a storm followed this answer that the sick men left their beds and crawled away in terror,but the sailor obstinately denied his guilt and the captain saw that even the rack would not extort a confession. The man was set at liberty,for the captain’s sense of justice would not permit the punishment of one whose guilt was not proved. “But I will get to the bottom of this matter yet, ” said the captain as he went off to his oabin. But a week later the memory of this occurauce was driven out or the minds of the captain and the ship’s company by an event of far greater importance. The Venus, which had cruised two years in the Pacific, was ordered home. The people of Apia were much grieved,for the blue-jack-ets had spent a great deal of money in the place, and the islanders had come to regard {the ship as a permanant source of revenue. The peddlers drove a thriving business during the few remaining days. The sanors bought writing papers to send home word of their approaching return and laid in a stock of tobacco and cocoanuts for the voyage. One purchased a gay mat for mother’s “best” room, another a grinning • idol for a curiosity-loving uncle, and a third bought a red silk kerchief for his sweetheart, who was awaiting him iu happy ignorance of his flirtations with the chocolatecolored damsels of Samoa. ... Tue readiest sale, however, was commanded by the cocoanuts, and the captain was pleased to see that his men were so fond of this refreshing and innocent fruit. He was much astonished to hear the Chinese cocoanut seller demand half a dollar apiece for the nuts. “Half a dollar?” cried the sailor. “You must be crazy, my lad.” “Not to muchee, insisted the celestial. “Lookee here, large one. The dispute, which was carried on in a choice mixture of Plattdeutsch and pigeon English, ended by the Chinaman accepting a quarter of a dollar for the nut.

“Sheer extortion,:’ thought the captain, but on coming nearer he saw that the nuts were large and handsome and determined to buy some for his own use. “Don’t disturb yourselves, lads,” he said good-humoredly, as the men shrank away at his approach. But they kept at a distance and looked so terrified that theeaptain reproached himself with having earned too great a reputation for severity and vowed that he would be more lenient in the future. The Chinaman with an obsequious grin offered the captain the smallest nuts in his stock. “But I want big cues,”* said the captain. “No goodee, no goodee,” said the Chinaman,. “Nonsense! Why not?” “No goodee. Little ones muchee better.” This disinterested advice was only wasted, however. lor the captain threw down a silver dollar and selecting the four largest nuts had them conveyed to his cabin. Shortly afterward the Chinaman packed up his wares and departed, although it wanted an hour of the time for clearing the ship. The Captain observed with surprise that the sailors still seemed to be afraid of him. They certainly had no reason, for he was in excellent humor. He even had impulses of benevolence.

“Haven’t you got money enough?” he asked of an old sailor whom he saw laying down, with a shake of the head, a pretty carving in wood. “Not by two dollars.” “Here they are.” The man was almost petrified with astonishment; he muttered a eon* fused speech of thanks and quickly hid his treasure under his jacket. He felt tempted to kiss the Captain’s hand, but refrained from so unseamanlike an action. 1 In another week the Venus was steaming homeward. The tropical sun seemed bent on giving her an especially warm farewell, and the men were nearly overcome by the heat. The guards at the water tanks had hard work to protect their charge from the thirsty crew, and the Captain loi ged for a oooling drink. But beer ana wine were blood-warm, and the ice machine was out of order. “Useless piece of iron,” growled the captain. “I will have it thrown overboard to-morrow.” Suddenly an idea came to him. “Steward!" “Aye, sir.” “Bring me one of the cocoanuts that I bought in Apia." The nut was brought and the Captain prepared to attack.it with knife and jfirolet. “1 am glad that I bought the things,” said he, “for ooooanat milk Is very refreshing. The sailors were

wise in buying so many. Hello! It is plugged. The Chinaman must' have tested it to see if it was ripe. Cunning rascal, that!” The captain extracted the plug. Then he drew a long breath, threw back his head, raised the oocoanut in both hands and applied the orifice to his lips. * The next instant he sprang back as if a scorpion had stung him. He coughed and sputtered and his eyes filled with tears. “Donnerwetter! What is that? It tastes like rum. Steward a glass. ” When the nut was held over the glass a dark liquid flowed out. Rum it was without doubt. “So!” cried the captain falling helplessly into a chair. “Now I understand it all.” Five minutes later ail the men were ordered to bring their chests on deck, and then followed such au inspection as had never occurred before, even on the Venus. The captain did not stop with the chests but went below and examined the hammocks, the berths and even the coal bunkers. Nobody but the steward knew what he was looking for, and as nothing was found the captain kept silent, unwilling to admit that he had been outwitted. The sailors had taken good care that the cocoanuts should not turn sour. A few minutes later three cocoanuts and fragments of the fourth were bobbing up and down in thi wake of the ship. Perhaps the waves threw them on the beach of some island whose inhabitants repeated \he captain's experiment. If so, what a charming study for a painter their faces must have been.

SOMEWHAT CURIOUS.

A ton of tomatoes as they come from the field, it is estimated, will fill from 400 to 540 cans. A hundred laying hens produce in eggshell about 137 pounds of chalk or limestone annually. A child with two tongues was born the other day at Huntington, W. Va., Of course it was a female child. In Richmond, Mo., there is a horse which measures 191 hands high and tips the beam at 2,690 pounds. He is five years old. It is said that England has more women workers in proportion to her population than any other country, 12 per cent, of the industrial classes being women. The most valuable dinner service in the world belongs to Queen Victoria, and occupies two rooms at Buckingham Palace, over which two men watch continually. Five brothers from Cape Elizabeth Me., who went into the war and came out unseratched; are all dead; and not one of them died a natural death nor any two in the same State. To vindicate his reputation as an expert wood-carver, a colored man in Hutchinson, Kan., recently in fifteen hours carved a chain nearly six feet out of a solid piece of wood.

A couple living within one mile of Lithonia, Fla., have been married forty years, and the husband affirms that he has never kissed his wife. They are the parents of eleven children. , / -- • Wheat is now carried from Chicago to Buffalo, eight hundred miles by water and 500 hundred in air line, for 1 cent a bushel. For cheap transportation this is probably without a parallel. California has taken an invoice of her giant trees left standing, and finds 2,675. The largest of these is •sixty-nine feet in circumference. Visitors at the world’s fair will see one of them. There is a three-armed deaf and dumb freak in a Wisconsin dime museum who can talk so fast on her fingers that there isn’t a stenographer in the State who can report her verbatim. The total estimated circulation of religious newspapers published in the united States is very near 4,000,000, and Catholics head the list with 120 papers having a circulation of about 750,000. Time thins down the number. The returns of the pensioned veterans who fought under the great Napoleon, who now receive SSO a year, put their number at 112, instead of 180, as in 1888. There are ten main lines of railway centering in London. On these 2,210 suburban trains run in and out daily, while tho main line trains are only about 410. In 1889 the ten lines carried 400,000,000 suburban gers. The smallest screws in the world are used in the manufacture of watches. The screw in the fourth jewel wheel, that looks to the naked eye like a bit of dust, is so small that a lady’s thimble would hold one million of them. Joseph Patton, who lives near Clifton Hill, in Randolph county, | Missouri, still has the pony he rode in the Confederate army. It is now thirty-six years old and is as fat as a mole, not having been used any, or Very little, for some years. A steamer which arrived in London from Auckland recently brought a cargo consisting of forty thousand sheep and two thousand beeves, all dressed and frozen. This is the lar St single cargo of dressed meat t has ever been brought to England Her Way of Putting It.--Miss Bleecker, of New York—" There are bo flies on Mr. Spatts.” Miss Emerson, of Boston —“No; I too hav« failed to detect any specimens of thi mu?ca domestics upon him.”

THE FASHIONS.

Gold and jet continue to be much Worn. The handsomest parasols are supplied with ribs of solid silver. Crepe sable is one of the season’s weaves, and is shown in aU colors. Poppies of black velvet with wonderful centers of yellow grace the big drooping hats of net. Globes of turquoise, pink pearls and Roman gold studded with tiny brilliants, play the part of the hat pins. Gray, black and tan suede ties are frequently tipped with silver and finished with ,jnarrow bands of the same. Black tulle for the ball-room gown Is now all aglow with dots of gold and flounces edged with delicate golden threads. Skirts of shaded silk, with black fabrics worn over them, are, in combination with the shifting colors, exquisitely effective. The Byzantine belt, Greek girdle and monk's bell-rope are all favorites in semiring the flowing draperies of my lady’s nouse-gown. With printed silks, a little lace, and a few knots of velvet, which should match the color of the design,’ are all the trimming required. Black satin royale better known as satin de Lyon—is this season called upon to furnish soma of the handsomest costumes to be seen in the fashionable world. Blaok crepe da chine is used to drape the skirt- of Marie Antoinette satin. Around the foot is placed pink silks of toe tints to be found in the brilliant floral brocade. B—ch*m’« Fill* act like magic oa a W#ak Stomach

Out of Sorts Daoerlbet afoolbif FO«vU»?to* »on9ni ot drow tie tendency, or caused hr change of elimato, m •oaor life. Tho e tomach 1» out of aider, the hood tch«i or do«i aot M right, The Nerves loomed otralaod to their utmoot, tho mtad li sontuoed aad irritable, Thla condition find* an exceloot corrective in Hood'* Seriaparllla, which, hr •to regulating aad toning power*, noon reitorea harnoar to the ayetem, and give* Ureagth to mind, larToe, and body. Hood’s Sarsaparilla told h]r aU drugglats, II; six for 16. Prepared Air hr C. L 8008 A CO., Lowell, Mare. 100 POSES ONI DOLLAR. ON© ENJOYS Both the method and results when ilyrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant ind refreshing to the taste, and acts rently yet promptly on the Kidneys, Liver and Bowels, cleanses the system effectually, dispels colds, hesdichei and fevers and cures habitual xrnsti potion. Svrup of Figs is the >nly remedy of its kind ever proluoed, pleasing to the taste and aoleptable to the stomach, prompt in ts action and truly benendal m its iffeets, prepared only from the most lealthy ana agreeable substances, its nany excellent qualities commend it >o all and have made it the most popular remedy known. Byrap of Figs is for sale In 50c ind $1 bottles by all leading druggists. Any reliable druggist who nosy net have it on hand will protore it promptly for any one who wishes to try it. De not accept any mbstitute. CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP COL UN FtANCISCO. CAL. tomvtui, xr. new roan. ** IF YOU HAVE Malaria or Pile*. Sick Headache, Costive Bowels, Dumb Ague, Sour Stomach and IhlelilDC t If your food doas not assimilate and you hare no appetite. Tuft’s Pills Will curs those troubles. Price, *5 cant* KANSAS FARMS™ 1 ! :rops ever raised. Buy a farm. Descriptive list ree. CHAS. B. WOOLLEY, Osborne, Kan. eATADDU THBOAT AND m i Mnnn,LUNQDittAßga

The Soap that Cleans Most is Lenox. 0

The hand of time deals lightly with a woman in perfect health. But all functional derangements and disorders peculiar to women leave their mark. You needn’t have them. Dr. Pierce’s Favorite Prescription comes to your rescue as no other medicine can. It cures them. For periodical pains, prolapsus and other displacements, bearingdown sensations, and all “female complaints ” and weaknesses, it is a positive remedy. It is a powerful, restorative tonic and nervine, imparting strength to the whole system in general, and to the’uterine organs and appendages in particular. It keeps years from your face and figure—but adds years to your life. It’s guaranteed to give satisfaction in every case. If it doesn’t, your money is returned.

A Liquid Sandwich.) New York World. The newest sandwich in vogue down town is of an entirely liquid composition and is made in this way: The neophyte enters a place of public refreshment and drinks an even gill of pure water; this is the foundation for the sandwich. He then follows with a gill of pure whisky: this is the intermediate material. He then follows with another gill of pure vator, which is the superstructure. It is said that the preliminary gill of water clears and prepares the palate for what follows with an effect which is absolutely surprising to those who have never tried it. Some of the newest things in drinks, by the way, are fizzes. Connisseurs agree that it is a great mistake to suppose that gin is the only liquor appropriate for the fizz. The whisky fizz is oy no means to be sneezed at; the brandy fizz is a thing of marked intrinsic excellence, and the Scotch whisky fizz is spoken of as a most pleasing novelty.Whether You Travel by Lend or See You need e medicinal safeguard. Changes of climate or temperature, brackish water, unusual diet, draughts from open windows that surely follow passengers will not dose—all these breed ailments against which the surest protection is Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, finest ot medicinal fortifiers. Sea sickness land nausea, are promptly counteracted by this agreeable corrective, which is also a capital defense against malaria, the effects of a tropical or dully temperature, damp and exposure. Persons of sedentary pursuts, mill operatives, mariners, miners, engineers, frontiersmen, person, of every calling involving mental fatigue, excessive bodily effort, and liability to unhealthful influences of any sort, regard it as an incomparable safeguard. Biliousness, constipation, dyspepsia, rheumatism, slok headache and kidney troubles are ;effeotually subdued by the great alterative. It is reckoned that a watch gives 116,144,000 ticks a year, which is generous but horribly suggestive of ultimate bankruptcy. M. L. THOMPSON & CO., Druggists Ooudersport, Pa., say Hall's Catarrh Cure is the best and only sure cure for catarrh they ever sold. Druggists sell it, 75c. Tn best cough midicine is Piso's Cure or Consumption. Sold everywhere. 26c. FIT*.-All Fit# »topped trubr Dr. KUne'i Gnat N-rv* Restorer. No Flu after firet day* use. Marvellous euns. Treatise and SZ.W trial bottle free to Fit casee. Send to Dr. Kline.ttl Arch St.. PUUa.Pa Because you feel good Is no reason you are.

Children Cry for Pitcher’s Castoria. * When Baby wee afck, we grew her Oastorla. When ah* tu a Child, she aim! tor Osstorla, Whan she became Mire, ah* done to Chstoria When ihe had Children, aha fare there Castocte, TAROID SURECURI forPILEsTMIfIIHEUM sasssHfesScKsS iadisß* Druxxlsts aupblM b) D. ituwnri u 4 A. Keifsr A Co . IndUaapolU. pilQI ITTC Latilae: Before put uUiILC I 1C ting yonrhalr up oe ~s rl»p«“ or using curtin* irons, dampen it with Curlette and it Vwm rc'aln that Fluffy appeara nnce 3 to 0 days. Is positively nannies* to hair aad scalp An exaelient hair tonic. Leading society nod Tb-atrlra: Ladles regard Cur latte a« ledtxpenstble to the toUet Price SOe. per bottle, at spurns and by mail. Agents wanted, address Mrs. Jennie Markley, L of;* ns port, la<L gwpMMreHreggi Pnwszoivß— Da* sii wumreat H uutabltd. U tea for Increase. K yean experience. Writ# for Lawn A.W. McCobmick A Box*. WaaarhuTon. D. C. A CutcufMATi. G.

■ 'DiaO'S UKMEDY FOB CATAJIBH.—Best Easiest to m. • cheapen. Belief U Immediate. A cure to certain. For f', Oold In the Head It toe no equal. , J nostrils. Price, roc. Sold by dnugrists or sent by bmJT Address. K. T. Hazkltixk, Warren. Pa. ■■ ® _ OmoHnnn Ehoush.Red Cmm T A • Tii' UTrj'wr:" a

“German Syrup” | Here is something from Mr. Frank A. Hale, pr6j>rietor of the De Witt House, Lewiston, and the Tontine Hotel, Brunswick, Me. Hotel men meet the world as it comes and goes, and are mot slow in sizing people and things np for what they are worth. He says that he has lost a father and several brothers and sis* ters from Pulmonary Consumption, and is himself frequently troubled with colds, and he Hereditary often coughs enough to make him sick at Consumption his stomach. Whenever he has taken e cold of this kind he uses Boschee’s German Syrup, and it cures him every time. Here is a man who knows the full danger of lung troubles, and would therefore be most particular as to the medicine he used. What is his opinion ? Listen ! “I use nothing but Boschee’s German Syrup, and have advised, I presume, more than a hundred different persons to take it They agree with me that it is the best cough syrup in the market” <p Hsts Cured 10,000 Kaptssrws fa Klssn. •'I sttffersd with s double rupinre i y**-x Tear Met. >to Wire sgedweln Bh —Mbs. _j.a, Fanra*"^ “Tour Bectrtc TVnss cured my rapture afire ssMai rren. Mxs. a. Dopoxtt,-aWob. pl j. CWUTw ,rt — * n-1 —-llrr Trrertngrang Tleitfik rrusfi. B. Haxtxt.” Dstls GRr. tons. Au«. IT, 'So.

WHITE’S DANDELION la a combination of the preserved Juices of the true oedlilnal plants, Dandelion, StOlingia. t olden Seal, Culvers Root, Black Cooosb, Wild Yam, ttentian, Columbo. and other medicinal and aromatic roots, barks and herbs, all of which are gathered at the proper season, and only the very best selected parts. Each are used aud prepared by a process peculiar to this medicine, under the immediate supervision of Dr. A. R. White, ar< gular physician, and practical pharma*... t of n any rears’ experience. It cures Dyspetsia, Biliousness, Liver Complaint, Constipation and Sick Headache. It purifies the Blood and makes the weak strong and vigorous. PURDUE UNIVERSITY! The State Institute of Technology! 1. A School of Mechanical Engineering. 2. .School of Civil Engineering. 3. School of Electrical Engineering. 4. School of Agriculture. 5. School of Science and Industrial Art. 6. School of Pharmacy. Has an equipment worth one-half million of dollars. Send for a catalogue.) Address JAS. H. SMART, Prea’t. DYSPEPSIA Is the prevailing malady of civilized life. It causes distress after eating, sour stomach, sick headache, constipation of the bowels, debility, nervousness, and many times the dyspeptic imagines he is about to die of heart disease. It will not get well of itself, but requires careful attention, and a rellableana harmless remedy .such as White’s Dandelion It cures Dyspeps a, Biliousness, Liver and disorders. It purifies the Blood,.makes th) weak strong and brings Joy and sunhine to the despondent. as#whooping Cough ’ -BRONCHITIS.

Rootle IFU The Great.TiEalth D r\ln r\.

r»*k«s» mtkw i s«n»»fc D«Hcioa». kilns m* «p»«l«i»« SoM by *ll d«*l«r*. A b**«lMn«Mf*BMkaß4Cai4* •*■•*••«• wi. j*B*in* tad, »» tw c. x. aixxa 00.. saiua*. “WOMAN HER DISEASES AND THEIR TREATMENT.” A valuable Ulus rated book of seventy-two pages sent free oa ecelptof 10 cents to cover cost of of ntallliog tc. Address, P. O. Box 1060, Phtla.. Pa I Oils BA66ER & CO. Uaaaaa.patent soucuofis H I limlHOn Illustrated Hand BoodTree. JJ UITHniT\ H - Cralle* Co., WashlngtoL fAlfim U perevery time you o writ*. ** ind s»-«n ind run