Rensselaer Republican, Volume 23, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 July 1891 — SHARP RETORTS OF FAMOUS MEN. [ARTICLE]

SHARP RETORTS OF FAMOUS MEN.

I’be Point Sometimes in a Question, Sometimes in an Answer. Homo Journal. No one has ever told us exactly what wit lsjme Barrow, "a famous English divine, and a man of brilliant wit himself, has given the best definition yet;known, and he confesses that it consisteth in one hardly knows what.He says, in his old-fashibried style: “Sometimes it lieth in a pat allusion to a known story, or in seasonable application of a trivial saying, or in forging an opposite tale. Sometimes it playeth in words and phrases. taking advantage from the ambiguity of their sense or the affinity of their sound; sometimes it lurketh under an odd similitude; sometimes it is lodged in a sly question, in a smart answer, in a quirkish reason, in a shrewd intimation, a tart irony, a lusty hyperbole, or a startling metaphor; sometimes an affected simplicity, and sometimes a presumptuous bluntness giveth it being. Sometimes it ariseth from a lucky hitting upon what is strange; som ?titnes from ia crafty wresting of obvious matter to the purpose. * -y Isn’t this excellent?" Study each clause and find a witticism to match it. I have not given the entire definition, but just enough to stimulate some one to look it up for himself. And here are a few off-hand illustrations that come to me as I write: An eminent Scotchclergyman happened to dine with’some learned lawyers of the Edinburg bar. He appropriated to himself a large dish of cresses, upon which he fed voraeiousJy^_Erskine, wishing to admonish him for his discourtesy, remarked: “Doctor, you remind me of Nebuchadnezzer in his degredation.” Just as this pat allusion was causing roars of laughter from the legal lights, the reverend vegetable eater retorted: “Ay, do I mind ye o’ Nebuchadnezzar? Doubtless because I am eating among the brutes.” The “sly question” is often extremely effective. Sheridan, who was always distressed for money, was one day hacking his face with a dull razor, when he turned to his sou and said: “Tom, if you open any more oysters with my razor I’ll cut you off with a shilling.” “Very well father,” said Tom. “But where will you get the shilling?” At a dinner party in England the host introduced to the favorable notice of the company, amid murmurs of admiration, a splendid truffled pheasant. “Isn’t it a beauty?” he says. “Dr? So-and-So gave it to me; killed it hiinself.” ‘ ‘Aw —what was he treating it for?” says one of the guests. “A smart answer” is quite as good whep unpremeditated. “I could write like Shakespeare if I had a mind to,” said Wordsworth to Lamb. “ “Yes, if you had a mind to,” was Elia’s quick reply. “Do you see anything ridiculous in this wig?” said a pompous judge to Curran. “Nothing but the head,” was the reply. The "quirkish reason” is nearly allied to these. And Abbe Boilleau, being asked why he always wrote in Latin, took a big pinch of snuff and ransweredgravely: “Why, for fear the bishops should read me!” Sheridan gave rather a shrewd inintimation to a spinster who insisted upon accompanying him in a wa’k after a summer shower. "It has cleared up enough for one. madam, but not enough for two.” The “lusty hyperbole suggests one incident in the life of the elder Adams. Having grown corpulent in his old age, and averse to exercise, his physician advised him to ride on horseback. He consented to do so. Accordingly a large, lofty trotter was led to the door and th,e venerable exPresident mounted. He rode down the avenue to the street at a brisk ! trot, then wheeled and returned. I Being asked if he did not intend to j ride any further, he replied“No! I would as soon ride Mount Ararat in an earthquake. “A crafty wresting of obvious matter to the purpose” is illustrated by Burke's witty response to Dr. Robertson. who apologized for Dr. Johnson’s jokes, “like the rebukes of the righteous, which are like excellent oil.” “Oil?” said Burke. “Yes, oil of vitriol. ” Diogenes indulged in a‘tart irony” when, observing over the door of a school room this inscription, “Lot no deceiver enter here: he quietly asked: “How does the teacher go in ?” Almost all of Dr. Johnson’s witticisms come under the head of “presumptuous bluntness.” One of his rough repartees has been put in rhyme by Peter Pindar— In Lincolnshire a lady showed our friend A grotto that she wished him to commend. Quoth she: ‘ How cool In summer this abode I" “Yes, madam," answered Johnson, “for a toad:" For a “startling metaphor” take Sydney Smith’s, when he saw a little girl stoop down and stroke the shell of a turtle. “Why are you doing that, Belle?" he asked. "To please the turtle." “My child, you might as well stroke the dome of St. Paul’s to please the dean and chapter." I I will jpve one instance of the ever ready wit of Dr. Darrow himself. Meeting the Earl of Rochester one day the witty peer exclaimed: "Doo-

tor, I am yours to the shoe-tie,” to whjch the clergyman replied. “My Lord, I am yours to the ground. 1 ' The peer continued, “Doctor, I am . yours to the ceiiter."—"My Lord,” retorted the Doctor. “I am yours to the Antipodes.” Determined not to be outdone by a parson, his lordship said, “Doctor,'l am yours to the low est pit of hell.” On which Darrow turned on his heel and said. “And there, my lord, I leave you.” .True wit. combined with reproof. I hope in heading this brief illustration of a long definition, you may not be reminded of Douglas Jerrold's retort to a would-be wit, who, having fired off all his stale jokes with no effect, exclaimed:_ ■ ’ ‘ Why, you never laugh when I say a good thing!” "Don't I,” said Jerrold. “Only try with one!"