Rensselaer Republican, Volume 23, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 June 1891 — MRS. PHIPPS’ TOOTHACHE. [ARTICLE]

MRS. PHIPPS’ TOOTHACHE.

It never rains but it pours, as I've hearn say, an' it's the gospil truth accordin' to my experience, fur I never had toothache in my life that compiny didn't come and find us all in a stew, with the house topsey-turvey an’ not a decent bite o’ vittles to eat. But that last time I had it was the cat«heaf. 1 got up as peart as a jay-bird in the morning, an’ got breakfast over, an’was a scrting the close fur the wash, when my back jaw-tooth give a jump that fairly upset me. 'Twas a bottom tooth, an’ had give me more trouble than ary othm'n in my head. Philemon, he” was jest putting on his hat to go and plow the south held, an’ I only had strength enough to tell him to fetch the camfire, an’ the wizlard ile. ah’ the pain-killer, an' Injine tooth drops, an’ the box o’ cloves, an' a stick o cinnamon, an' a tumbler o’ cold water, an’ a washpan o’ warm water, an a lump o’ alum, an’ the paper o' salerattus, an’ a few more artiekles that I alius use on sich occasions, and then I keeled over on the cot-bed an’ groaned to my heart’s content. ~ Tv V" An’ after about two hours, peared like, he found the wizzard ile, that had been on the dock shelf under his nose all the while, but the cork was out an’ every, drap of it gone. An’ then he sarched high an' low fur the other artiekles. an after a spell hebrung me a bottle o' washblue, an it’s a massy I wasn't pizoned afore I diskivered tlie mistake. But at last he did make out to git the. box o’ diodes’, an' I chawed one an’ got a grain or tw r o easier, an I thought I mout git |i cat nap mebbe. But by that time twas nigh onto ’ieven o’clock. “You’ll hev to git your own dinner, Philemon,’’ says I, “fur I shan't be able to do a lick't'wards it.” ‘IAII right, Surreldy, says he. “you go to your nappin’ I'll soon jerk up the dinner,". An' off he put, an’ I turned over, an' was jest beginning to feel sort o’ ca’m an’ easy-like, an' would o' drapped off in a minute or so, when here he come tromping |in, loud enough to wake the dead. “Be you asleep, Surredly? ' says he. “What you want?” says I, floppin' over an’ lookin’ as fierce as a load of coons. “The’ ain’t no riz bread,” Jsavs he. “Make biscuit then,’’ says I, “or pancakes, or corn-bread, an'i don’t pester me agin if theruf tumbles in.” An’ off he went as he meek as Moses, and I quieted down again. But jest I heared myself give a little easy sort of a snore, somebody rapped on the door. I wa’n’t fit fur company to see, so I laid still, spect in' Philemon to come an’ open the door, but lie didn't come an* they rapped an’ rapped, louder an' louder, an’ recon they would o' kep’ on rappin’ till dumsday. if the. door hadn’t busted open o’ itself, an' in they walked. An ’twas the Peaberry's an’ their three boys, an' twin babies. “La, Miss Phipps, you sick a-bed this nice day?” savs Miss Peaberry, settin'one twin, on the bed an' talcin’ off her bonnet, like she meant to stay, sick or no sick. ' “Yes,” says I, “I’m pretty nigh franticle with the toothache.”” “Oh, is that all?” says she. “toothache ain't nothin'. I’ve had it. an i never laid off a minute.” That riled me, but afore I could speak Philemon come in with flour all over his weskit, an’ hia sleeves rolled up to the elber. He heared Miss Peaberry a talkin', an' thought twas me hollorin’ fur him—her voice is so high an’ s’rill, you kin hear her from Dan to Bethshebv pretty nigh. But when he see twas compiny he stood stalk still with surprise. ’Peared like Miss Peaberry spect ed me to git right, up an’ cook dinner. But I wouldn't of cooked a vittle fur Queen Victory that day es she had dropped in, an’ brung her knit ten along to spend the day. An’ so they had to put. up with Philemon's biscuit, an’ I don't reckon they was overly good, seein’ he put in a tablespunful of sal'rattus. stid of a teaspuuful. An' I ainjt a shadder of doubt Mis;. Peaberry tole all round that 1 was a poor shiifless crittur, an' Philemon was to be pittied fur bein’...tied to sich a no ’count woman. But I wa'n’t a earin much what she said, or didn’t say. fur my tooth kep' on a jumpin’ an' achin by spells all day an all night. “I wa’n't much easier next morning. but was setting by the fire, drinkin'a sup o' gruel when Aunt Huldy Short came ovei; to borry a drawin’ of tea. “Lawful sakes, how bad you look. Miss Phipps,” says she. “Why don't you hev your tooth pulled?” “I’m afeard to," savs I. “last one I had pulled out pritty near killed me dead, an' I dassent'hev another pulled." “Law!” says she. “don't you know there's a man over to Coon’s Landin’ what gives you gasoline or somethin', an' puts you right to sleep while lie's a pullin' your tooth, so you don't know nothin’ at all about it till it s all over?” “You don’t say," savs I, “reckon it’s so?”' ‘iCourse ’tis,” says she: "Sister Phillopine had her’n pulled out, au' never felt it a mite.” “Then I’m agoin' there.” said I. “this very day. So I had Philemon gear up the team. We tuck along a pock o’.dried ap pies an'couple o’crocks of butter, to trade at the store fur sum coffe an' sugar, a’ we went. * it wa’n’t more’n six miles to Coon’s Landin' and my topth ached every

step of the way trot soon as we got to the doctor’s dffice. over the hardware store, it quit, alf of a suddint. an’ I had a mind to back out au' no. go in. But Philemon says, “Shuckens Surreld,you're here now, an' you better hev It out ’cause I can't wade another,day in a -burry. My corn is all in the weeds, an ” has got to be plowed to-morrow whether or no,” savs he. So in we went.an' a mbn told u.; to hevacheer. an’ set down; thedo.tor was busy. An’ we sot down and-waited a spell an" Philemon got so fidgetty as a hen on. a hot griddle. At last he says, “I ll go over and do the tradin’. Surreldy, an' be back time your ready." . So off he went and there I sot: and sot. fur I dunno how long, and never even felt a twinge n’ the toothache At last, thinkses I, mebb? twon't ache at all no more an’ I won't have it out. I’ll give Philemon the slip, an’ go home on the train. So off I skurried, an' hustled down street an’ got aboard the tra n. But when the conductor come to git my fare,l recollected I didn’t hev a cent. Philemon alius carries the wallet,bat he had forgot the dried appless and I offered them to conductor. But he shuck his head, and said I would hev to get off. We were only on the age of town then so I got out, an' walked back an’ by good luck I met Philemon, driving along slow and looking fur me. r — 1 ——-—,:

“Why in the nation couldn't you hev waited, Surreldy?” says he. “Hero I’ve been lookin’ every wliichaway fur you. ” - But I never said nothin’ bus rlurntT up in the wagon an' let on i was half asleep, and when we got home I hustled to the house while he was putting up the team. .. But jest as I got to the door I recollected that I had left the key in the doctor's office, laying on the sofy. “Here's a pritty kittle o' fish, " said I, “how be we goin' to git into the house?" An’ then it sorto conic to me that I mout bust the button off o’ the kitchen door. So I run ! round to it an' give it a most amazin’ kick, an’ the next I knowed Philemon hollers out loud enough to wake the seven sleepers, “It's out, Belindy, it’s out!" an' I opened my eyes, and bless you if I wa’n’t a Sittin’ in the doctor’s office. An’ there was Philemon, grinnin' from year to year, an - boldin' up a tooth with ruts half an eench long. An’ there was the doctor, lookin' half mad an’ half tickled, an' I see 'twas all a dream, an’ I hadn't went off on the train at all. “Is it out, sure enough, " says I. “Course ’tis,” said Philemon, “but you give the doctor a rousin' kick in the stummiek. Surreldy, an' pretty nigh smashed that air bracket, side the cheer. ” An’ I felt powerful sneakin' an’ tole the doctor he must excuse me fur kickin’ of him, fur I didn’t go to do it. An’ he said. “Oh, that wa’n't nothin’; he was used to it. " So Philemon paid him an we druv home. But I ain't had a toothache siuse.