Rensselaer Republican, Volume 23, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 March 1891 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

Briggs— I heard to-day of an intelligent dog which, smokes a pipe. Quimhy—Does he smoke cigarettes, too? j Briggs—l said he was an intelligent dog. The sun is not supposed to hive any brains, but he gives some thaw-t to mundance ice. The New York Sun, noted for its criticisms of the language used by other newspapers, speaking of a new fire boat, says she is “a corker at pumping water.” An uncorker would be of more value at a fire. The man who can set a clock successfully can not always set a hen. It is always fly time with abscons ders. Marked down—The young man’s mustache when it begins to be visibleLuminix—What is the most suitable lumber to build a gallows with? Skimgullet—l’m sure I don’t know. What is the answer? Lummix—Cord-vyood. March, like a roaring lion, Right rampantlv came in. With snowballs on his whiskors. And ice upon his chin. But let him roar and bluster! Who cares a kilogram! For everybody knows he’s got To sneak out like a lamb. —Boston Courier. Stockholders usually hope for dividend, but the dividens are often like the hope—deferred.

□Sympathetic Cousin. “Ye 3 have been a terrible dissapointment when Miss Golding refused you. Jack Van Broken. It was a crusher I felt exactly as though I had been sentenced to hard work for life. “They say Cboilie’s injuries were the result of a practical joke. “Yes. The fellows told him that a big burly fellow in the bar-room was deaf and dumb and Chollie walked over to him and with a sweet smile told him ho was a fooL” ••Well?” “The man wasn’t deaf and dumb.” Clara “And that’s your new hat? Well, it’s simply stunning.” Laura. “That’s exactly what papa said when he saw the bill.” An undesirable vocation—Equivocation. Making up time—The three hours before the ball. Under a “sketchy little thing” exhibited by Jones, there hang a printed card which bears tfie words: “Don’t touch with canes or umbrel r las.” An appredatived small boy added the following postscript. “Take A Ax.” » The man who is suppose d to be a -‘brick’ seldom helps to build any houses.