Rensselaer Republican, Volume 23, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 January 1891 — HE IS A GENIUS. [ARTICLE]

HE IS A GENIUS.

He Invented a Wonderful Self* Waiting Table. “By Jove! I ve an idea!” said Mr. Bixby gleefully, while at the dinner table the other da,y. “Now here we’ve spent half our time while at the table passing things to each other ana it’e all nonsense. I know just how it can be done away with and I’ll have the thiug patented before a month and make a mint of money out of it. I’m going to put in all my spare'time on it and I’ll show you a model of ono of the cleverest inventions of the age.” Mrs. Bixby did not say anything. She was accustomed to outbursts of this kind on the part of Mr. Bixby, who was frequently seized with a mania for inventing and patenting something, .aud as he had always recovered without mortgaging tho house or injuring any of the family, aha hoped all would end well this time. Three days later, after he had worked most of the night before, he came to Mrs. Bixby with Ms latest “clever invention.” “You see, my dear, what it is,” he said calmly as he gave it a whirl. “It’s a (evolving dining-room table, to do away with this eternal passing of things to each other. When you see anything out of reach that you want, all you have to do is to give the table a gentle little whirl and there you hftve the dish you want right in front of you. Now wh.it do you think of that, my dear? Don’t, you think qur fortune is made, eh?” “It might work, Elijah,” replied Mrs; Bixby, calmly, “if you could make several little improvements.” “What improvements?” snapped out Bixby. “Well, tell me, please, where your own plate would be when the dish you wanted had been whirled around in front of vou?” “Why I—l—it—” “And where would the rest of our plates be. “Well, I never thought of that I — l-” “I suppose, my dear, there might be some sort of a signal given by which all the others could grab their plates and hold on to them when the table was about to be whirled, or we might- “ Take car®, Harriet Amanda Bixby; don’t you go too far now!” “Or we might—why, Elijah, what do you mean by throwing a valuable patent like that into the fire?” “What do 1 mean woman? 1 You’ll know what I mean when you’re left a despised grass widow with six young ones to look out for! And that is just what will happen, as sure as shoel if you open your mouth again! Laugh now! Giggle! Titter! Toe-hee some more, can’t youP Darn a woman, anyhow.”