Rensselaer Republican, Volume 23, Number 12, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 November 1890 — CONDIMENTS. [ARTICLE]

CONDIMENTS.

Edith: “It’B the little things that tell inthis life.” Alicer “Well, you’d think so if you had two small brothers, as I have.” The following conversation took place in an office: ,l Did you ever realize anything in the lotteries?” “Yes, sir; I tried five times and realized that I was an idiot.” TT There has been a tide in the affairs of many a young lady which rolled by and left her on the shore because she said “No” when she meant “Yes.” The reason things go wrong so often in this world is because men won’t take women’s advice.—H-you don’t believe this at first, just go and ask the women. “To spend life at your side, Miss Elsie, I would give up everything—parents, title, property.” “But, my dear sir, if you sacrifice all those, what will be left for me?” When it comes to saving dollars a man is more of a genius than a woman, but when it comes to saving pennies a woman will save a dollar before a man has saved fifty cents. “Did you make much on your last stock deal?” “No; lost $700.” “But I thought that Mac Dollars gave you a pointer.” “He did; but it proved to be a disappointer.” “Well, I must go now,” said Chollib. “What’s your hurry?” asked Ethel. “It’s five minutes of 12, and my motto in life is ‘Never put off till to-morrow what you can do to-day. ” To induce country custom an enterprising Chicago man has issued the following advertisement: “If your lungs are too weak to blow out. the gas please use hand bellows, which you will find In the washstand drawer.” “So you've got married, old man. while I have been away?” “Yes.” “Well, I oohgratulate you on having shaven off that she-dragon of a housekeeper of yours at last.” “Oh. don’t make any mistake, my dear boy; she's the woman I have married.”

A new game among amateur photographers is called “the guessing bee.” Tbe photographers take a lob of pictures and he who succeeds in guessing what they are supposed to represent is rewarded by not having any of them presented to him. Mr. Justice Norris, in the Calcutta High Court, reoently delivered what is understood to be the shortest summingup on record. It was as follows! “Gentlemen of the jury, the prisoner has nothing to say, and I have nothing to say; what have you got to say?” 1 Husband (newly married): “Don’t you think, love, if I were to smoke it would spoil the cut tains?” Wife: “Ah! you are really the most unselfish and thoughtful husband to be found anywhere;'certainly it would.” Husband: “Well, then, take the curtains down.” This world is like a crowded bus A few good men perhaps Hay find a seat, but most of us Must hang on by the straps. 1 - —Chicago Journal. Lot us then be up and doing. With a heart for any fate; Still achieving, still pursuing. Catching fish or cutting bait. —Harrisburg Telegram. ■> THE JURY. We daze them by quibbles. Confuse them with riddles, And tell the truth—by llttles; But back their sense dribbles, When in their poor middles They fesl the need of “Tittles." A recent article in Brad street’s gives some surprising statistics of the commerce of the great lakes. During 284 days of navigation last year tonnage passed through the Detroit river to the amount of 10,000,000 tons more than the entries and clearances of all thff seaports in Unjtod States, and 8,000,000 tons more combined foreign and coastwise shipping of Liverpool and London. This does ndt irfclude traffic between Lakes Superior and Michigan or Lakes Erie and 00. tario. or local traffic between .ports on these lakes. The growth of shipbuilding on the lakes has been very marked in the last few years. In 1886-7 there were thirty-one boats built, valued at $4,Q74,000, and in 1889-90 there were fifty-sfet built, valued at $7,866,000, the tendency being, as elsewhere, toward iron and steel for large ships.