Rensselaer Republican, Volume 23, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 October 1890 — OUR PLEASURE CLUB. [ARTICLE]

OUR PLEASURE CLUB.

FORTUNATE. Lie. Mrs. Pancake (to tramp). And have you any children? Tramp. No, mum. Mrs. Pancake (with a sigh of relief). That’s lucky for them! Lady (horse running away) —"Dear, dear, dear, what will become of me?’’ New coachman (grimly)—"Madam, it depends on your past life. I’m all right.” V i CERTAIN DEATH. Town Topics. Count Olcarlaga. If you a reject a me I will a take a drink a. No, I will 1 do worse, I’ll, I’ll-a-a-Maud. Take a bath. PARADOXICAL AS IT MAT SEEM. When I was younger than I am to-night, In days gone by that memories endow Cjlth golden glamour, shining pure and bright. I was not quite as old as I am now. —Courier-J ournal, OF CORSET IS. In spite 0f ail the awiul things That Jennet* Miller has to say The corset with its springs and things Is Here To Stay. —Chicago Mail. SHOOT TEE WOLF. Beggar—Help me, good siri I have a large family and can scarcely keep the wolf from the door. We are in need of food. Crusty—H’m! Have you got a gun? "Yes, sir.” ‘•Well, here’s five cents. Go and buy some ammunition, and the next time the wolf comes around kill him and sat him.” \ GILDING THE PILL. ••What did yeri git?” "An offer of work. What did yez git?” •‘A bit ov beef, but it’s work all the same.” , "Yis; but it’s a more delicate way ov putting it.” AETER THE SUNDAY-SCHOOL PICNIC. First Deacon—There are nearly a hundred sandwiches left over. What shall we do with them? Second Deacon—Store ’em away in the vestry; they’ll do for next year.

HELP WAS NEEDED.

• ‘Help!” cried Colonel Kaintuck, who had fallen into the Ohio river at Louisville. "Help! 1 shall drown!” "No, you won’t,” said a man on the bank. 1 ‘Hold on to that log while I get a boat and help you out.” "But the water’s getting into my mouth!” yelled the Colonel desperately. All the bystanders immediately rushed to the rescue. GLOOMY OUTLOOK. "What did the preacher preach about to-day?” "Future punishment.” "He did?” "Yes; he said he hoped to continue preaching throughout eternity.” AN EXCEPTION TAKEN. "There is only one cure for smoking, and that is death,” said the club man. ••That isn’t always sure,” said the Presbyterian, significantly. TOO NEW FOR HIS BUSINESS. Beggar—My dear madam, can you not give me a pair of old boots? Lady—Why, those you have on are quite new yet, Beggar (in a whining voice) —That’s just it; the horrid things ruin my business. DESERVED CREDIT. "By George!” said the weary, patience tried passenger on a local train to the conductor, •‘I guess you men who run this trin deserve a great deal of credit.” "What for?” "For keeping it from going backward.”