Rensselaer Republican, Volume 22, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 July 1890 — Page 6

OUR PLEASURE CLUB.

Practical Advice. Be (breed and selfish as you can; You'll net be poor. Be nothing un o any man. And cleae your door' r , To those who call on you for aid; _■ Turn them away— They are no good—their play is played— They've had their day. Get all you- can, and all you get Securely keep; And when at last you die, you bet, No one will weep. The Rational Falling. Jackson—l’m going to start a newspaper and I think I’ll call it the “Umbrella. 11 Merritt- -Why? Jackson—Because everybody who sees it will take it. Merritt—Yes, people would take it but they wouldn't pay for it.

The Want Supplied. Poet—l have here some verses I would like to submit. They are not perfect, I admit; perhaps they want fire Editor—You are quite right, sir, fire is what they want. A Fesalmiatlo Wail. Where are the pleasures and pastime of youth. With innocent nit’a merry flashes ? Where are the bopea that ne'er grew into truth? :: ~ : Ashes. Where is the dinner whose every dish Through memory painfully flashes-! — The steak, and the roast, the potatoes, and fish? Hashes.

Libels in the State. “These newspapers which have so much about feuds iu Kentucky, make me weary, 11 remarked Colonel Blood, •‘Yes, 11 said Mr. Gripsack, tentatively. “Now, I don't think ‘2OO men have been killed in the whole State in 3 yeah. Bah jove, I don’t' Workmen don't have to strike three times to be “out."

Pride of Station. Mr. Forundred (proudly)—Note this magnificent business block. I own every foot of the ground on which it stands, and it is from this that I derive my income. -T~'T Old Gent -Ah, yes; I remember this locality well. It was here your grandfather had his junk shop.- Now York Weekly.

Much Ado About /joining. The man who’s In a fret and stew Is foolish, if he only knew it; Because the less he has to do More apxious he will be to do it. —New York Sun. Bellamy's Mistake, Winks- I see that the publishers of ■ Looking Backward” have made $50,000 on that book, while Bellamy, the author, has made but $5,000. Minks—Well, if Bellamy had looked forward instead of backward, he would have published it himself.—New York Weekly.

Wot to be Wondered At, Mabel—How pale the moon is. Josephus—Yes; it has been out until quite late for several nights,—Yeno. wine News, The Observant Deacon. I’ve notieed, when I pass the phttesrqnndr The eirle look as sweet as sucking doves; I’ve also noticed coppers always fall From hands done up in twenty-shilling gloves. —New York Herald.

Had to be Fast, A. What a wonderful fast horse that Axtel is. B. —Bound to be fast. Just look at the gang at the race track he is obliged to associate with.—Texas Siftings. No Obligations, Man—(to friend) —You didn’t seem to treat that gentleman with politeness. Friend—l spoke rather roughly I .admit. Mau—You have changed toward him. The other day 1 saw you shaking hands with him. Friend—Yes, he owed me then, but he has paid me, consequently you see that I am no longer under obligations to him.—Arkansas Traveler. A Sympathetic. Cuss. “John,” said the dying man, “will you be one of my pall-bearers?” “I shall be only too glad to, old fellow,” replied John, sympathetically,— Harper’s Bazar. Not Hard to Fle&se. Housekeeper (to suspicious character) —What do you want ? Suspicious Character (thoughtfully) —Well, I dunno; what yer got ? Quite a Trip. First N. Dakotan (from near the Manitoba line) —I guess I’ll take in the South till spring sets in for good. Second N. Dakotan—How fur south do you calculate going. First N. Dakotan—Oh—South Dakota ! Here are two sentences, each of which contains all the letters of the alphabet: “John quickly extemporized five tow bags,” and “the quick brown lax jumps over the lazy dog.’* Cbu»d by a Gander. A man who was caught in the act of •kinning a neighbor's sheep covered his embarrassment by declaring that no sheep could bite him and live. The logic of this, says the Youth’s Companion, is equaled by that of the Yankee soldier vi ho once had a narrow escape from an> enraged gander. The men of a certain Maine regiment, which' was in the -enemy’s country in 1812. considered the order

“no foraging" an additional and un-called-for hardship. —----------- One afternoon about dusk a soldier was seen beating a rapid retreat from* the rear of a farm house near by, closejy pursued by a gander, with wings outspread, whose feet seemed scarcely to touch the ground, and from whose beak issued a succession of angry screams. The fugitive was not reassured by the cries of the gander’s owner, 1 ‘Hold on, man, hold on! He won’t hurt you!” “Call off your gander! Call him off! 11 shouted the fleeing soldier. Neither man nor gander stopped until inside the camp lines, when the soldier’s friends relieved him of his fierce pursurer with the aid of the butt of a musket. “Did that gander think he could chase me like that and live?” the soldier exclaimed, as he surveyed the outstretched bird; but he said nothing of the baited hook with cod-line attached, which might have thrown light on the unfortunate gander’s strange actions

Young Smith—• ‘You didn’t stay very long at the Poplars last evening, where you went to see the Pipps girl.” Young Brown—“No, I didn’t. Old Pipps broke in on us and gave me a hint to go.” “What did he say ?” “He opened the outside door, and asked me what I thought of rapid transit.’! _ .. . ; “What did you do ? ” “I gave him an immediate illustration of it.”- -Texas Siftings.

Jimmy Jaysmith (to caller) —“Can you whistle, Mr. Larkin V ” Larkin -“Not verv well, Jimmy. Why?” Jimmy ~“\V ell, I think you had better learn how, for pap told mamma, last night, you'd have to whistle for the hundred dollars he owes you.” James, I am cleaning house, so be a a good fellow and beat the carpet as usual.” “No. I think i’ll shake it this year.” At the Theatre. “Henry, what makes the members of the orchestra go under the stage so often ?” Henry—“To get another horn, I suppose." Customer (in cheap restaurant)— I hope you don’t call this a square meal. Waiter—Well, we’ll call it square when you settle for it.

—Terre Haute Express: A tea-kettle can sing when it is merely filled with water. But man, proud man, is no tea-kettle. Milwaukee Journal: Tho things we think at night would be of great value next day if wo could l only remember them. New York World: Father: “Now tell me. George, how are you getting along lifting the mortgage on your city property?” George: “Well, it’s higher than it was.” His Poem, “Would you mind.” asked the editor in a conciliatory tone, * ‘if I left off the first and last verses of your poem?” “But there are only !wo stanzas in it?” gasped the poet. “Yes. I know,” assented the editor, affably.—Harper’s Bazar.

The Craze for Wearing Wigs.

New York-Star.——-* —— The craze for wearing wigs among English women is finding its imitation among fashionable women on this side of the sea. They assign various reasons for adopting the custom, among the most general being the greater convenience and durability of their coiffures over those made up of natural hair. Women who have really fine hair object to the torturing processes of the curling-iron and haiy-dressers' shears, now so universally used in arranging the Stylish coiffure, with its multiplicity of waves and curls London women usually wear wigs the color of their own hair, so that they need not be confined to the constant wearing of them. Their chief use seems to be to carry them to the great balls and house parties, where it is not always convenient to take a maid. A great many of them appeared at the recent drawing-room, and, as an event so as that would naturally fill the hair-dressers’ parlors with anxious ladies, and necessitate a great deal of waiting for service, one can understand the convenience of having one’s hair sent home, done up and ready, the day before.

A New Horror Added to Death.

New York Sun. “Civilization has added a new horror to death,” a gentleman, whose daughter died recently, remarked, yesterday. “The number of men in this city whose livelihood depends upon how far a mourning family oan be impressed or can be badgered into acceding to their demands grows constantly. The very moment we put the crape upon our door bell the house was besieged by agents of livery stables who wanted to furnish us with carriages at less than the regular rates, by runners for undertakers’ sunplies, and venders of tombstones, artificia wreaths, obituary verses, and every other conceivable device bearing upon death. People are particularly sensitive in a moment of bereavement, and on that account they should be in some measure protected from the attacks oi these sharks. \You can have no idea of the amount Of misery they cause. I suppose nothing can be done about it, but it seem 9 to me that it ought to be a fit subject for legislative consideration.”

LIVE IT DOWN. Has your life a bitter sorrow? Live it down. Think about a bright to-morrow, Live It downT , You will flud it never pays Just to sit, wet-eyed, and gaze On the grave oi vanished days; Live it down. In disgrace your galling burden? Live it down. You can win a brave heart’s guerdon; Live it down. Make your lile so tree from blame, That the luster of your fame Shall hide all the olden shame, Live it down. Has your heart a secret trouble? Live it down. Unless griefs will make it double, Live It down. Do not water it with tears— Do not feed U with your fears— Do not nurse it through the years— Live it down. Have you made some awful error? Live it down. •> Do not hide your face in terror: Live it down. Look the world square in the eyes; Go ahead as one who tries To be honored ere he dies; Live it down. Sunny Hours.

A ROOSTER’S DOWNFALL.

With a Few Side Remarks on the Subject of Henologv. Bill Nye in Indianapolis News. Sassafras Oleson, of South Deadman, writes to know something of the care of fowls in the spring and summer. “Do you know.” he asks, “anything of the best methods for feeding your chicks who may not get the proper nourishment from the mother? Is there any way to prevent hens from stealing their nests and sitting on inanimate objects? Tell us through the papers as tersely as possible, what your own experience has been with hens.”

To speak tersely of the hen and her mission in life seem to me almost sacrilege. It is at least in poor taste. The hen and her works lie near to every true heart. She does much toward making us better, and she don't care who knows it either. Young chicks who have lost their mothers by death, and whose fathers are of a shiftless and improvident nature, may be fed on koumiss, two parts; moxie, eight parts; distilled water, ten parts. Mix and administer till relief is obtained. Sometimes, however, the chick will readily nurse the guinea hen, and many lives have I. been saved in this way. Whether or not this plan will influence the voice of the rising hen, is a question among henologists of the country which I will not attempt to answer. ’ "

Hens who steal their nests are generally of a secretive nature and are more or less social pariahs. A hen who will do this should be watched at all times and won back by kind words from the step she is about to take. Brute force will accomplish little. Logic also avails little at such a time, but by striking at the foundations of hen society and showing her that it is honorable at all times to lay a good egg, and that as soon as she begins to be secretive and to mislead those who know and love her she at once takes a course which can not end with honor to herself or tier descendents. J have made the hen a study for many years, and love to watch her even yet as she resumes her toils on a falling market year after year, or seeks to hatch out a summer hotel by setting on a door knob sue interests “and pleases me. Careful study of the hen convinces me that her low, retreating forehead is a true index”to her limited reasoning faculties and lack of

memory, ideality, imagination, calculation and spirituality. She is also deficient in her enjoyment of humor. I once owned a large white draught rooster who stood abrut seven hands high and had feet, on him which would readily break down a whole corn field if he walked through it. Yet he lacked the courage of hxs convictions, and socially was not regarded as a success. Leading liens seemed to regard him as a good hearted rooster and seemed to wonder why he did not get on better in a social way. He had a rich baritone voice and was a good provider, digging up large areas of garden and giving the hens what was left after he got through, yetthey.gave their smiles to far more di&solute though perhaps brighter minds. So I took him away awhile and let him see something of the world by allowing him to visit among the neighbors and see society a little. Then 1 brought him home again, and one night colored him with diamond dyes so that hb was a beautiful scarlet. His name wa6 Sumner.

I took Sumner the following morning and turned him loose among his old neighbors. Surprise was written on every faee. He realized his advantage, and the first thing he did was to greet the astonished crowd with a gutteral remark, which made them jump. lie then stepped over to a hated rival and ate off about Fifteen cents worth of his large red, pompadour comb. He no\v remarked in a courteous way to a small Poland China hen. who seemed to be at the head of all works of .social improvement, that we were having rather a backward spring. Then he picked out the eyes of another rival, much to his surprise, and went on with the conversation. By nodn the bright scarlet rooster owned the town. Those who had picked on him before had now gone to the hospital, and practically the social world was his. He got so stuck up that he crowed whenever the conversation lagged and was too proud to eat a worm that was not right off the ice. I never saw prosperity knock the sense out of a rooster so Boon. Ho lost my sympathy at onoe, and l resolved to

let him caryie out his own oareer aa best he might Gradually his tail feather grew gray and fadfd, but he wore hiis head high. He was arrogant and made the hens go worjning for his breakfast by daylight. Then he would get mad at the food and be real hateful and step on the little chickens with his great big feet. But as his new feathers began to come in folks got onto him, as Justinian has it and the other roosters began to brighten up and also blow up their biceps muscles. One day he was especially mean at breakfast. A large fat worm, brought to him by the flower of his harem, had a slight .game flavor, he seemed to think, and so he got mad and bit several chickens with his great coarse beak and -stepped on some more and made a perfect show of himself. At this -jmoment a small bantam wearing one eye still in mourning danced up and kicked Sumner’s eye out. Then another rival knocked the stuffing for a whole sofa pillow out of Sumner and retired. By this time th# surprise and gratified hens stepped back and gave the boys a chance. The bantam now put on his trim little telegraph climbers and, going up Mr. Sumner’s powerful frame at about four jumps, he put in some repairs on the giant’s features, presented his bill and returned. By 9 o'clock Sumner didn’t have features enough left for a Sunday paper. He looked as if he had been through the elevated station at City Hall and Brooklyn Bridge. He looked up sadly at me with his one eye as who should say.

“Have you got any more of that there red paint left ?” But I shook my head at him, and he went away into a little patch of catnip and stayed there four days. After that you could get that rooster to do anything for you—except lay. He was gentle to a fault. He would run errands for those hens and turn an ice cream freezer for them all day bn lawn festival days while others were ,gay. He never murmured nor repined. He was kind to the little chickens and often spoke to them about the general advantage of humility.

After many years of usefulness Sumner one day thoughtlessly ate the remains of a salt mackerel, and, pulling the drapery of his couch about him, he lay down to pleasant droams, and life’s fitful fever was over. His' remains were given to a poor family in whom I take a great interest. frf“ quently giving them many things for which I have no special use. This should teach us that some people can not stand prosperity, but need a little sorrow ever and anon to teach them where they belong. And oh. how the great world smiles when a rooster, who has owned the ranch for a year or so and made himself odious, gets spread out over the United States by a smaller one with less voice.

The study of the fowl is filled with interest. I keep sows late years instead of a garden. Formerly my neighbors kept fowls and I kept the garden. It is better as it is.

Triplet Steers.

Josiah S. Keveraon, of Barnet. Vt., writes as follows of his triplet steers, Shem, Ham and Japheth: “The mother of the steers is a 9-year-uld high grade Shorthorn <*ovv which had always dropped single calves until May 8, 1889. when she gave birth to these triplets. Their sire was a t very fine full blooded Shorthorn bull, which, so far as I have heard, had always begot single calves until this case. The steers were castrated when a few weeks old. They were born May 3. I bought them on Aug. 12. They were allowed to suckle the dam until I took them, on August 14. I then tried to teach them to drink hew milk as taken from the cow. but they would not touch h. I fed them on hay, ground oats and wheat bran, and after a few days began to give them oars of corn lef‘. from the table in the boiling season. They —jl- - the green ears very much, “As the corn matured I put them on the hard corn, giving them two or three ears each now and then. Thoy are now eating two or three quarts of bran apiece each day, and also, first u handful of oats, then two or three earc of corn and afterward a few roots — beets or carrots. They have gained very finely. “They are colored exactly alike and marked nearly alike, except that Shem has a star on his forehead. No person can tell which is the tallest. A farmer called to see them, and I asked him to Belect the largest one; he looked them over and carefully made his selection. I then “mixed them up” and asked him to tell me the smallest. • He made his selection, and, to his surprise, he had picked the same stee-\”

Why Allen Is Cailed ???"

This is the way, says the Boston Herald, Private Joho All*«<, the ccngressional wit, got his title: He run for Congress in Mississippi against General Tucker, who opened <ie campaign with a rhetorical ill usion to his service in the war, describing a battle in which he had commanded the confederates, sleeping in a tent on the mountain side on the night of the bnttle. When he had linished Allen got up and said: ‘jFriends and fellowcitizens, it’s all true what General Tucket* told you about his sleeping in his tent that night before the battle. I know all about it, for I was guarding that tent all night long in the cold and wet on picket. And now I ju3t w&nt to say to you who were generals in the war and slept at nights in your gdarded tents like General Tucker, vote for him. But all you follows that guarded the generals’ tepts In the wet and cold like me, you vote for ‘Private Allen.’” Private Allen was elected.

TOPICS OF THE TIMES.

The building of the Normannia, the steamship which has just beaten all maiden records across the Atlantic, shows the brilliant perfection to which the science of ship building has been brought. Steamers now cross the ocean, in defiance of seas and storms, at a pace equaling the speed of trains. A dozen ships have made 580 miles a day, and the time is near when a mile every two minutes by these monsters will be the usual performance, and the passage between Queenstown and New York be made in the time that a train now takes to go from New York to San Franciseo.

“Multiple voting*’ is the latest plantor maintaining the supremacy of the whites In the South. It proposes to give extra votes to landowners, say one for every 100 acres of land owned in their residence counties. Of ueurse negro landowners would get the benefit of additional votes, but the proportion "of such is estimated at only 10 per cent, to 85 per cent ,of whites. The chief objection seems to be that a class of landed proprietors will be created who will constitute a superior political power and run things to suit their own convenience, totally regardless of the humble whites.

Of the many conventions recently held that of the Christian Scientists, at New York, was perhaps the most remarkable. It is pretty difficult from the transcendental talk of the believers in it, to find out exactly what Christian science is. in general it. means, undoubtedly, that disease is sin, and that to become well physically it is only necessary to become well spiritually. It requires that there be perfect faith in Christ, and the cultivation of a religious character so complete and perfect that the ills and ailments of life will pass away into nothingness. The votaries believb that the imagination is the source of very many of the ailments of mankind, and hence their > ‘faith cure” consists principally of attacks on the mind, rather than the body. It can not be doubted that if everybody lived "with perfect wisdom and in entire harmony with the laws of nature, disease would disappear in due time. The duration of life would also increase as it is doing now in civilizated communities that are gradually getting a better understanding of physical laws.

A writer states that the largest meeting ever held in the world was a repeul meeting addressed by Daniel O’Connell on the famous bill of Tare, Meath county, Ireland, in 1842, when over a million and a half men and women were present. Ireland then had seven millions of a population. To-day it is less than live and a half millions.

Hon. Henry Labouchere. in his paper, London Truth, expresses his sentiments with regard to American heiresses marrying foreign men of title. He writes: “What I can’t understand is how any niece of Uncle Sam can renounce on the hymeneal or any other altar her American birthright. To my mind, a thoughtful American is a prince among men, and higher in the scale of created beings than the finest of fine European gentleman. And I am sure that there is no man more truly chivalrous in a quiet way.”

A correspondent of the New York Sun believes that the Edmunds act, making legal the confiscation of Mormon property was not passed for good moral reasons as it was to destroy the co-operative stores that interfered with a lot of sharks who wanted to control the trade of Utah. He concludes: “I have not a word to say iri defence of polygamy, but I have more respect for the Mormons, who had no houses of prostitution and no illegitimate children to put into foundling hospitals, than I have for the hypocrites who from unworthy motives secured the passage of the Confiscation act.’’

Attention is called by patriotic citizens to the fact that n early $70,000,000 of American money passes through the hands of English bankers for use in the Argentine Republic. There is not a single American Lank anywhere in that great country, and the great number of our countrymen who have settled in Buenos Ayres are obliged to do all of their business through English houses. There have been attempts to start American banks down there, but the general lethargy with which the proposition has been met among New York capitalists has always resulted in a failure, and the plan has now been given up. A member of the PanAmerican Congress, in speaking of this condition of things, recently said: “The Yankee is the shrewdest business man conceivable at home, but once out of his native country he is an easy prey for all other nations.”.

Sir Ed. Clarke, the English Solicitor General, was the principal speaker at a banquet held at Exeter -to celebrate the coming of age of the local Workingmens’ Union, He reviewed the last twenty-one years, and remarked that Socialism left no man free in his course of life. That Socialism was mischievous, but no oise could deny that there was a Christian Socialism which guided the conduct ol their fellows, and must guide the conduct of every Christian State, and in that sense it was tqo late to protest against the introduction of Socialism into our legislation. The „ workingman of the country asks that his home Bhould be healthy, that his wife and children should not be forced by unchecked competition to hours of (labor which destroyed at once the (home and health. He asked that there 'should be even for the town artisan 'some open space where he might

breathe the fresh airs he 6*ked that his savings should be mad© the subject of special and careful protection bj( the State; he asked that he should be; free, and protected in bis freedom, to combine with his fellow-workmen in order to make terms with the employers as to the wages which iiis labor is to receive; and he* asked that when he differed with the employer as to that reward, or that work, he and his employer should be on equal terms-before the law when these questions were to be debated. (Applause.)

Our railroads are to be protected, as well as our farmers and manufacturers A bill has been introduced into the Senate requiring Canadian roads to procure a license to exchange business with U. S. roads, this license only to remain in force while those roads observe the provisions qf our interstate J commerce law.

The General Conference of the Methodist Church, which assembled recently at St. Louis, adopted a report condemning dancing, card playing, theater going, attendance at race courses, circuses, etc. One reverend Doctor moved an amendment to cover the use of tobacco and opium, but it was ruled out of order. Another wanted the report, to include racing, owning, raising, and selling race horses, baying and selling lottery tickets, renting buildings in which the liquor traffic is carried on, and owning or editing Sunday newspapers, but his motion was voted down.

The Department of Agriculture at Washington has just concluded an in- # vestigation into the condition of farm labor, the eighth inquiry of the kind made since 1865. One of the most notable results shown is the increase of effectiveness and value of Southern labor. Another important conclusion is that there has not been a decline in wages of labor in sympathy with the reduction in prices of farm products. The present average rate of payment, for fa?m labor, leaving out the Southern States, where negro labor lowers' this average, is S2B per month. In no State is there a real scarcity of fiftrm labor, though good help is less plefluiful than poor. All skilled labor can: find employment at fair wages. The self-binder has been a boon to the. farmer, enabling him to do his work with fewer harvest hands. In many places farmers “change work” with their neighbors, combining their forces. In some States the influx of Germans, Swedes and Norwegians causes superabundance of labor, while in Texas, for instance, thousands of acres will be uncultivated this year from the scarcity of hands. In the. South colored laborers are plentiful, but they will not work on farms, and* in Howard county, Missouri, it is claimed that a thousand good, honestj white men and women can find pleasant homes and remunerative wages.

A correspondent of an inquiring turn of mind wrote to the editor of the New York Mail and Express.for an explanation as to why, in a membership of 2,312 in the Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church, the number of infant baptisms for the year only reached the insignificant number of twelve. Was it that the members of thatl church were iess prolific than the rest of mankind or was infant baptism falling into disuse. Col. Shephard, editor, replied as follows; “The membership includes many young people, some old bachelors, some old maids, some widows, some widowers, many aged and infirm, all of which are not: in the child-bearing period of life; and : it includes rather an unusual, proprotion of non-residents, whose children may be baptized in other countries or States where their parents are temporarily residing. Yet the inquiry is pertinent. After ( all appropriate deductions are made there ought to be at least fifty couples who should bo in the child-bearing range, and this ought at least to provide twenty-five infants a year fdr baptism, or to double the number of infant* baptisms.

That there were only twelve such bap-, tisms in the last yoar does not show that, infant baptism is falling into disuse, for nearly all the children born aro baptized; but it shows that too many: families do not like to continue to obey i the divine command to increase and 1 multiply. Some set up a sort of worldly: wisdom, through lack of faith, and are content with a few children when they might have many.

Judge Crozier, of Kansas, has declared that part of the prohibitory, law to be unconstitutional whiefi empowers the attorney of the State to, summon citizens into his presence and testify on oath, whether to their knowledge intoxicating liquors are sold in such and such places. “Come, let us reason together ’ is the motto which P. M. Arthur, Grand Chief of the Brotherhood of Locomotive Engineers, has adopted In the consideration of strikes. Whenever there has been a railroad disposed to meet the Brotherhood and reason with its members, a strike has never occurred. There is no such thing in the Brotherhood as ordering strikes.

Boys and Tobacco.

Strange as it may seem. I never yet knew a boy who habitually used tobacco to amount to much’ in after life. Tobacco grows worse even than ardent spirits in some people; it seems to take the vitality out of a boy. Yes, I have watched boys who smoke cigarettes along through the day and I have seen them, almost without exception, drop out of the race early. I don't pretend to account for this. I merely state the fact. If a boy at college persist In smoking you b«d better taka him out and mako a cab-driver, offaim. He will thus have plenty of fresh air ' and may possibly earn his Balt.