Rensselaer Republican, Volume 22, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 June 1890 — OLD BARNES’ TRICK. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

OLD BARNES’ TRICK.

SECURING THREE MEN’S SERVICES A YEAR FOR NOTHING. fetch Madly In Lot* With • Charming Daughter ud Thought He Alono Wet th* Jfi»TOf«d One. Jeff Hadley, a stranger in the comma oity, saw Minnie Barnea at the old log meeting-house and fell in love with her. Jeff yearned to be presented to her, bat he knew no one, and, as he was not a diplomatist, bis connection with the public haying thus far been confined to the deck of a Mississippi river steam* boat, he nad to content himself with standing on the outskirts of the crowd and gazing with eating eyes at the bewitching young woman. He learned that old Barnes, the girl’s father, was quite a well-to-do farmer, and the next day, on the pretext of looking for a “strayed horse,” he called at the Barnes homestead. Minnie met him with delightful courtesy —she answered his questions with regard to the horse; told him with a tremor of pathos in her voice that her mother had been dead a number of years, and even brought bfnr a glass of cream from the spring-house, where the green frog sat under the dripping mbss and sang a hoarse accompaniment to the cricket’s sharp-edge chant. Jeff came again the next day, declaring that he had been told that the horse had been seen strolling in that direction. The girl told him of her bird that had died, and with the corner of her checked apron wiped a tear from her eye. When Jeff went away he ran into the woods and passionately hugged a black oak tree. Three days later he called again and when she asked him if he had found his horse he dropped on his knees and desperately exclaimed. "Lovely critter, oh! heavenly critter, I don't know a hoss when I see him. Oh! first June apple of a backward season, lead me not into talkin' about hosses. I love a hoss as well as anybody does, but let us talk about a angel —let us talk about you. Minnie, if love was a noise, you’d think that a saw-mill had been started in your ears. Hweet lilac on a spring morning; sweet perfume of wild plum blossoms in the June air, I love youl" Minnie lifted the corner of her apron, wiped another tear from her eye, and declared that her other bird was dead. “Oh, let the birds die,” he cried. "Let everything die’cept you an’ me. Will you be mad if I tell you that l want you to be my wife?”

“No, I won’t be mad, but I can’t tell you that I will be. lam always going to do just what pap says. If be says that l input marry you, w’y, I’m sure that I will ” “Hummin’bird that lives on honey, whar is vo' pap?” “He is out in the field gettin’ the hog* outen the turnips.” “Mockin’ bird that sings the song of a perfumed soul, I will go and see your pap.” He found the old man in the field. . Barnes could not have stepped into a drawing-room and posed as an ornament, still he was not ill-looking. He had set out so much tobacco that his shoulders were stooped and had cut so much grain with a cradle that he walked with a swing, but the expression oI his face was kindly and his voice soft and persuasive. Jeff talked some time before stating the object of his visit, and when he did declare himself, the old mah, instead of showing offense, quietly remarked: ——- “I reckon young folks know what is suited to the’r taste, but they ain’t alius got the best artickle of judgment. Oome and see me at the house to-mor-rer.” Jeff called the next day. "Now,” Baid the old man, ‘ I have found out that Minnie loves you, but that don’t satisfy me for all my years of trouble and anxiety about her. Don’t you think we onghter take that inter consideration? Of course you do. Well, now, here’s my idee: You know. Jacob worked like the mischief for Rachel, which was no more than right, considerin’ the fact that Rachel’s father had raised the girl, and I tell you what it is, the sooner we git back to them bible days the better it will be for us all. Now, I won’t be as hard a man to deal with as Rachel’s father was, I am a mighty easy man. so you work for me one year an' Minnie is your’n. What do you say?” Jeff threw his arms about the old man. He declared that the old-time idea was a glorious one. “We’ll draw up a contract,” said the old man. “And it’s got to be powerful bindin’,” he added. "You must sw’ar that you won’t speak to nobody, not even your best friend, about this transaction. You must jest go along an’ do your work, and nobody must know that you ain’t gittin’ regular Wages." Jeff agreed to everything, signed the Contract, and went out into the field where he was to work. The old man had made great preparatipns for a large crop that year, had bought a number of new weeding hoes, and bad hired two young fellows, Sam Drake and Tall Smith. Jeff found the two young fellows very easy to get along with—they worked fide by, aide when the weather was so hot that blisters arose on the

horse-pond—they cradled the wheat and cut the hay, singing the while the sweet song of contented labor. The crops were all gathered and the three men weqtdnto the woods to split rails. It was an October afternoon and the grasshopper had begando grow stiff in his jointl The lizard, knowing that winter was almost at band, bathed in the sunshine, and the horsefly with one wing ragged and torn, buzzed where the warm light fell on the dead leaf." The boys having felled a large tree had sat down to rest, when Jeff remarked, "lam mighty glad that the end of the year is so close. lam tired of this bard work, and if 1 could I would rest to-day, for. I ain’t feelin’ so well.”

"I reckon you would lay off to-day if you Wan’t afeered the old man would dock you,” Sam Drake answered. Tall Smith sat on a stump, chewing a "No, I ain’t afeered of being docked nur nothin’ of that sort, boys,” Jeff replied. "Hay,” he continued, "you boys won’t say nothin’ if I tell you somethin’, will you?” The boys said they would not and Jeff continued; “I’ll tell you why I ain’t afeered of being docked. I promised to work here one year if the old man would give me Minnie—fact —what’s the matter with you? Promised not to have anything to say to the girl during the time an’ —” “Hold on!” Sam yelled. “That was my contract with the old man.” Tall spat out the sassafras twig, sprang to bis feet and exclaimed: “That’s my contract, and I want you to understand it!” Then there arose such a controversy that neither one could have his say. They quarreled, fought, and then finally agreed that the old. man was a criminal. "Let us go to the house and one of us talk to him at a time and not let him know that the other ones are near,” said Jeff. "Let us understand what right he has to make us work for him while he sets back in the shade.” .They hastened to the house. Minnie was singing in the kitchen, boiling a cabbage and taking care that the cat did not snatch a piece of salt pork that lay on the table. The old man sat in the family-room greasing bis rawhide boots. Jeff entered first. "Mr. Barnes, am Ito have Minnie at the end of the year?” the young man asked. ■ _____ _ • "Of course, Jeffy. How are you boys gittin’ along with the rails?” “Never mind the rails, old man. I want to know if the girl is mine?” "Of course. We want rails enough to fence that new ground, Jeffy ?” Jeff, without saying anything more, went out, and Sam came in. “Mr. Barnes,” said he, “the year is gittin’ sorter old.” "Yes, Sammy, time don’t hang herself on a peg.” "Ah, hah! And, Mr. Barnes, 1 want, to know if Minnie is to be mine at the end of the year?” “Why, Sammy, how can you ask such a question? You know she is yourn.” ‘ V■' —— —4Sam went out and Tall came in. “Why, hello, Tall; what are you doin’ here of day? I am mighty anxious to get them rails done and I did hope that you boys would stick to it. You know that I take a mighty big interest in yon becaze you are to be my son-in-law, Tally?’’ “But are you going to give mo Minnie?” “Oh. course 1 am. Tally, lam a man of my word.” Tall stepped to the door, made a motion with his hand, and then the other f two boys came in. The*' raved at the old man; they threatened to kill him; they threw him out of his chair and bumned his head against the walL “Wait a minit, boys,” said old Barnes, pressing his hands to his head, “wait a minit. If I have wronged any of you I am sorry for it. I mout have made promises that I don’t know anything about. The doctor tells me that I ain’t well. He says that I have lost my recollection. If I have made contracts with all three of you I don’t know anything about it. The Lord knows that I love you all. Jest set here till Igo and speak to Minnie. If she takes one of you the others can’t object." — They could not object. Each man knew that he was the favored one. When the old man came back he declared

that he could not find the girl. The lovers ran out to find her but she was gone. Several days were spent In a fruitless search. > The three men brought-suit against old Barnes, each man suing for the girl. The case came np before ’Squire Tonny Peggleworth. Just as the trial was called the girl Minnie entered. v "This is a very complicated case," said the Judge, "and if I agree to give justice everyone interested must swear to stand by the decision.” All the interested parties swore that they would stand by the decision of the coart “l must cpjmuU the authorities.” Mid

the Judge. “What we want Is justice. The authorities,” he said, after a few moments spent in turning the leaves of an unabridged dictionary, “are silent as to this particular case. I must, theref§re, act with caution. Mr. Barnes, I am a widower, aayon know.” “Yes, your honor.” “Mr. Barnes,” the Judge continued, “we had a transaction once, and I now hold a mortgage against you for $500.” “Yes, your honor; that is true.” “Well, Mr. Barnes, and gentlemen, to settle this cause in a satisfactory manner, I will dismiss the whole affair and take the girl as a lifter of the mortgage. Gentlemen, the wedding will take place to-night You are all invited.”— OpieP. Bead, in Chicago Timet.

“OH, LET THE BIRDS DIE!”

“DO I HAVE MINNIE?”

GOING FOR THE OLD MAN.