Rensselaer Republican, Volume 22, Number 36, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 May 1890 — THE TAILOR'S GOOSE. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

THE TAILOR'S GOOSE.

NEW LIGHT ON THE OLD QUESTION OF ITS PLURAL Aft«r Several Interviews and Some Pictures a Conclusion Is Beached, and the Problem Solved. A Chicago Tribune reporter who was detailed to look np the tailor’s goose question aa to whether one ahodld ask for two tailor’s geese or twq tailor's gooses writes: Everybody has heard of the man who ignobly dodged the point at issue by

writing an order as follows: “Please send me a tailor’s goose. “P. B.—Hang it, while you are about it send me another." Questions like this must not be

evaded. They must be met and grappled with boldly, let the consequences be what they may. The ordinary barnyard goose derives its name from the Greek, Icelandic, Swedish, Danish, and other foreign lingoes commingled and filtered through the Anglo-Saxon. The tailor’s goose is so called, it is alleged, from certain points of resemblance it hears to the barnyard goose. It derives its name, therefore, from the same sources. For the consideration of this matter, however, it is not necessary that the tailor’s goose should be allied in any

way to the order of Anseres, the family Anatidai, or the subfamilies of plectropterin te, ■arkidiornis.or chenalopex. Ornithologists my ignore it, the opulent pos-

sessor of a gooaehone may give it the cold shake, aud the pates foie gras may turn up his carbuncled nose at it, but the tailor’s goose is right there ah the time. It cannot be ignored, ridiculed, or frowned out of existence. The Tribune emissary called on Abimelecli Tuff, a granger from Potato Hollow, who was attending to some business on South Water street, and propounded the question to him: “Mr. Tuff, would you say tailor’s geese or tailor’s gooses?" Mr. Tuff thoughtfully bit off a large huuk of plug tobacco and said he didn’t know and didn’t care a dang. Several extensive poultry-dealers expressed a preference for “geese,” but did not wish to ho quoted' as authorities, for the reason that their specialty is chickens. Horace Birkenhead, the owner of a $250 incubator in Lake View, had no

hesitation in sayiug that if he should ever succeed in hatching out a couple of tailor’s smoothing irons he should call them geese every time. Solomon Bilder-

backsonbeimar, one of the most extensive ready-made clothing dealers on South Clark street expressed himself with much positiveness to the effect that '•gooses’’ should be used in all cases where more than one is spoken of. His own family, he said, could eat two gooses for dinner any day in the week. Mr. Bilderbacksonheimer was clearly of the opinion that any man who could ■peak the American language at aid ought to know better than to ask such fool questions. My partner, Mr. Kassovorowiez, preferred “geeses,” but said it was only a matter of taste —he had heard it both ways. Sapolio O’Whaekmard.a walking delegate for the Iron-Moulders’ Union No. 11, was unwilling to commit himself without consulting the Oomitay on Patterns and calling a meeting of the anion. The reporter inquired of J. Cordnrojr Hillis, an accomplished tailor on Madi-

son street, if he had any objection to giving his views on tbis subject. "Not at all,” he replied. “If I were in Boston I should say, ‘A pair of implements used by-

manufacturers of masculine integuments for imparting an unwrinkled surface in the same.’ If I were trying to buy a pair in New York I should ask the first Englishman I met on the street what he thought about it, and 1 would be guided by his advice. If I were in St. Louis I would get some man who understood the Missonn language and use him for an interpreter." "But what is your own opinion, Mr. Hillis?”, “Mine? Geese, you goose.” Mt. Spooley, a scholarly sartorial practitioner on Adams street, was called upon next. “The question is one,” said Mr.Spooley, “that can be settled by analogy,

induction, and the scientific use of metaphysics. If this iron”—and he laid a shapely white hsndohthe goose before him—“were commonly known as a duck there

would be nobody rash enough to dispute the assertion that ‘ducks’ would be the proper plural. What is sauce for the duck must be sauce for the—h’ml—for the goose. “The tailor’s goose,” continued Mr. Bpooley, "may grow old, but its constitution does not change. It does not become tongbsff. lt never masquerades as a spring gosling. It is always and under all circumstances the same goose. It is entitled to every courtesy, every right, every terminology that pertains to the goose whose ancestors of old saved Rome by their cackling. When Blender, in 'Merry Wires of Windsor/ exclaims: ‘Hon my lather stole two geese eat of a pen,' do you suppose he would have said two gooses,' ii his kleptomaniacal parents had stolen them out of a tailor's shopT No. It would b*’*'* been neither correct nor Shakspearian. ‘I harm stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed, ’ roars somebody in two Gentlemen of Verona.' If thie unfortunate person had suffered thus vicariously for geese another had stolen

from the shop of a Veronese talloi

would there have been any difference, think yon, in the manner of characterizing or signifying the plurality of the things stolen? ‘ Hardly." Seizing a pencil

and sheet of paper Mr. Spooley rapidly sketched the outline of a domestic gooae. “To show that the resemblance between a tailor's gpose and this wellknown fowl is no fanciful one," he said, “it is only necessary to apply the principle of evolution to the case. Observe the gradual change from the barnyard goose to the tailor's implement.” Here Mr. Spooley drew a number of additional sketches, which are carefully reproduced in this article, showing the successive steps by whieh the one gooso merges into the other. “It may be regarded as certain,” he continued, “that the living goose antedated the iron goose. Bat if the case were reversed it would make no difference. The evolution from cold iron to warm goose meat would have illustrated the idea fully as well. “To sum up," observed Mr. Spooley, “there is no rule of orthography, orthoepy, philology, mineralogy, common sense, or logic to justify the use or any

other word than ‘geese’ as the plural of ‘goose.’’’ This closed the investigation. If “Constant Reader” ever orders a pair of tailor’s geese by any other name he

will be siflniug against light and knowledge. t Grotesque Novelties. ' The artist of the Puli Mall Gazette ■ketches a few grotesque novelties just

introduced i n .the London shops. The Ngrasthopper is a bronze inkstand and the ink is

hidden away in the insect’s body. ' The fisherman is also of bronze, and bis nel is of wire. It will be used for catching

visiting cards next season. A naturalsized model of a beer barrel is a useful novelty for, a bachelor’s room. | The barrel is of polished oak, with nick el b an d a.

There are drawers inside for tobacco, cigars, etc., and one end of the barrel can be be let down to form a table. The

cases have been sold as present! for young gentlemen. They are made of lizard, crocodile, and morocco, and the monogram of the person to whom it‘ is to be presented appears in sil-

ver on the lid. Men’s silk hats him been converted into work-bags, pincushions, and bon-bonuieres. They are made in several sizes. The largest costs 25 shillings. Plain sleeves will be coming in by and by as a novel. They are very scarce ai present. The dress maker has allowed her fancy to run free for a loDg time in bringing about all sorts of capricious shapes. Mantles arc made with long, trailing, airy sleeves that might or miglil not belong to them. The sleeves of cloih jackets are often entirely of velvel or astrachan. A gray cloth jacket with a deep rolled collar of astrachan had sleeves embroidered with black braid from shoulder to wrist.

Among the popular novelties is a eol lapsible newspaper or music rack, with a shelf at the bottom for books. This is hand-paiuted.

IF TWO

ARE GEESE

OF THESE

WHY ARE

WOT TWO

GEESE ATLSO?

OF THESE

INKSTAND.

CARD BASKET.

WORK COMPANION.

COLLAPSIBLE NEWSPAPER OR MUSIC RACK.