Rensselaer Republican, Volume 22, Number 29, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 March 1890 — HE WAS WELL TRAINED. [ARTICLE]

HE WAS WELL TRAINED.

Carl Dander Was Laying Low to Get a Thorough Education and He Got It. “Well! well!” exclaimed Sergeant Bendall in great surprise, as Carl Dunder softly entered the Wood bridge Street Station Saturday afternoon. “I thought you had started for Germany sure. “Not exactly,” replied Mr. Dunder, as he blew his nose With great coniplacency. “But where have you been?” “Sergeant, vhas Tsome greenhorns?” “You don’t look to be.” “If some cow meets me on der street would she take me for hay?” “Hardly.” “If you vhas some gonfidence man would you try to play a game on me?” “I don’t think so. But what do you mean by all this?” “Sergeant, I used to be like some '•abbagehead. Eaferypody heats me. Eaferypody laughs at me, und I like to go back to Shermany. Dis vhas all ; hanged now.” “How?” “Vhell, I keeps quiet for der last six weeks und get posted. If somepody Jan make fun of me now I like to see him do it. I vhas right on to all detricks you easer heard of, und I can spot a sharper two blocks away. You won’t has to tell me any more to shump into dot river.” “I’m rejoiced at the news. Now tell me who posted you?” “A feller front New York. lie takes me in a class all alone for sls per week. How vhas dot. eh?” And he threw up his right arm and made a long jump sideways, knocking a chair over and scaring a boy oirtif-a-year’s growth. “That’s pretty.good. What kind of a movement do you call it?” “Dot vhas a nickel-plate movement, to be practiced if a man shumps oiidt of der alley to hit you mit a sand-club. When dot club comes down you vas ten feet away. Dot probably safes my life one tousand times.” “What else?” “Veil, if a ties come arount I can spot him like grease rolling off a leg.” “How?” “He carries his left hand in his pocket, und can’t look you in der face. 1 can pick ’em oudt der street by der dozen.” “That’s a good thing, and you ought to start a detective bureau. Anything else?” ’ “I should shmile! Sergeant, if you vhas some pickpocket, where you look for my money, eh?” “In your breast pocket.” “So? Ha! ha! ha! Dot vhas another trick! I put my handkerchief oop here, und if a ties goes to rob me he gets nettings. Dot probably safes me two million dollars.”

“Y-e-s. Anythin”; mote!” “Vhel, suppose I vhas in Chicago und a bunko man likes to make me his victim. If it vhas you, vhat would you io?” “I don’t know.” “Ha! ha! ha! It pays me to learn • lot. It safes me tousands of dollars. I shust vink at him—so, und say: ‘How has coons to-day?’ and off lie goes. Jut makes him understand I vhas on to uer racket.” “I see. What else?” , “Suppose you vhas going home at aight, und a robber steps out und vants your money or your life? How would you do?” “Give him my money, of course.” “You would, eh? Ila! ha! ha! Dot ■hows who; vhas a greenhorns! I wouldn’t ttertotVhay. I should open uy umbrella und hold it before me und <-ry ‘lire’ as hard as I could, No robicr can get at vou if you hold an umtrella oudt.l know lots of odder I hings, but I has nb more time to-day. i come down to gif you some eomdaints. Somepody stole $25 from ine >ast night, und dot feller from New. York vhas lost. He goes out to walk around a leedle by himself, und beiug a stranger he vhas all mixed oop und ch n’t find his way back.” “Ah! Didn’t you lose a coat, too?” “Yes. It vhas behind der door, unef somepody takes coat und money too.” “Come this way.” ; ■ '■■ ■ ■ He led him into the lock-up, halted him at one of the cells and asked him if heknew the occupant. “Vhy, he vhas my trainer!” exclaimed Mr. Dundee. “How he comes in here? Vhas he some lost shild?” “He got your coat and money. We have the coat and most of the cash. How do you tell a thief, Sir. Dundee?” But Mr. Dundee didn’t reply. His hair stood up, his eyes bulged out and he walked out of the station like a man going somewhere in a nightmare,. — iietvoit Free Press.