Rensselaer Republican, Volume 22, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 December 1889 — Page 3

YANKEEISMS.

Characteristics of New England ' tlfe and Speech with Some Examples. Clarence Deming contributes to the Christian Union some characteristics of rural New England life and speech taken from a notebook of twenty-five years’ standing. When, many years ago, I asked a rustic citizen of the town, after his first visit to New York, his opinion of the great city, his reply was: “Waal, I never!' Why, there on Broadway it alters seemed’s though meetin’s just out." The note book abounds in miscellaneous Yankeeisms gleamed from the whimsical characters to be found in every back town of Yankeedom. Among the oddest of this odd species was Mr. D , a rugged and antique resident of a western Connecticut village. While driving his cows to pasture Mr. D- used to address them in most emphatic terms. One day, while the animals were in uncommonly frolicsome mood, he was overheard to bay: “Yes, scatter, will ye! Blast ye! if there warn’t but one of ye ye’d scatter!” On a dark night as Erebus, Mr. D- rushed out excitedly on boys pilfering his favorite pear tree, exulaiming: “I see ye! I know ye! Where be ye? Who are ye?” His profanity was often most voluble and redundant; but it never reached a loftier climax than on an occasion when he missed the backboard of his wagon after a five-mile drive, and, pn going back for it, found that he ... had been using it as a seat One _of his near neighbors was a good old dame, the Mrs. Malaprop of the village, who once remarked at our dinner table: knew a person who calls the cornish of a roof the tarnish.” She was matched by one of my old Yankee friends, now gone to his reward, who corrected an acquaintance reading aloud an account of President Lincoln’s funeral, saying that the word “corpse” was French, and ought to be prononced f’cbre.” It was not long before, at a local sword presentation during the eivil war, that I heard one of the orators exhort the ladies not to forget the sdldiers in the hospital as well as on the field. “For,” added he, “there’s more what is not slewed on the field of battle than what is killed by ball.” At court in that village I was present when a witness testified that “there was some-wheres between 'leven and twelve eggs in the basket.” Among the good Yankee stories of the neighborhood are the following: “Mr. B——, before driving from his farm to town, used to delay long delivering what he called his “last words.’* His vexed hired man at last broke out: “Mr. B , you’d be an awful bad man to die; you’d have so many last words that the undertaker’s bill would come in before yer was dead.” One of the oddest native characters was Mr. B , an ardent defender of the doctrine of election. One day, while “argyfying” with a neighboiyat dinner, he lifted a morsel of beef on his fork, asserting: “I hive no more doubt, sir, of the doctrine of election than that I shall eat that meat” With the emphasis of his gesture the meat flew off and was instantly devoured by the family dog. Here are a few Yankeeisms, drawn for the most part from the same locality; “He butters sausages”—i. e., lives too extravagantly; “Back up your •cart,” for pass your plate; “Waal, that’s a huckleberry too much;” “He ■died of plexy;” “Can’ c let yer have no eggs to-d ,y. we’re a settin’;” “1 have written a receipt for my husband’s tombstone:” “Draw a long scythe” (sigh); “These corns hurt me so I most want to walk backwards;” “Newark, New Jersey, is in New York state, isn’t it?” “We had a fine ball last night! the T. Ostrich (orchestra) played for us.” Let me close with this rural telegram which, many years ago, I was permitted to copy, and which I pen literally, <ave the substitution of a spurious name: “John Smith has broken his lags badley. AU well.”

First Grade at Sixty.

“Where are you going with those books, auntie?” The remark was addressed to an aged negress who was climbing the hill in the direction of Spelman seminary yesterday afternoon with a slate and a lot of school books under her arm. "Gwine to school, chile.” “To school at your age?” “Oh, I ain't quite yet,” she said, her eyes twinkling through a pair of steel-rimmed glasses and her gray hair elustering about her wrinkled brow in a regular Uncle Remus looking manner. “Are you learning anything?” “uh yes, I’se gitten de hang er dese books right erloug. W’y, w’en I startsd ter de school I didn't know nary letter, but now since I been gwine ter flat lady up dar I’se got so I kin put dese letters tergedder des as cute! But i mus’ keep erpodgin’, ca’se der bell rung an’ I’ll be tardy an’ git er black ma’k I ’specs.” Saying this the old lady trudged on up the hill like any school girl. Even at her advanced age she is determined to get an education.—Atlanta Con.

Western Editorial Life.

We extract the following from the last issue of the Arizona Kicker, says the Detroit Free Fraas; "That gander-shanked living skeleton who edits the mortgaged sheet down on Blackjack avenue is out with a tirade against us for shooting Sioux Jim last week. He is seeking to get up a public feeling against us, although he very well knows that we were fully exonerated by the coroner’s jury. “Sioux Jim. who was a half breed, was fighting drunk. He was looking (or a victim when he met us on Apache avenue. He drew his knife with the purpose of carving our anatomy to strings, but before he could oroceed we pulled our gun and sent six red-hot bullets into his carcass. He was the third man we have had to kill this fall In defense of our own life, and as we have had to pay all the burial expenses ta each case no bne can claim that we have shot for fun. It cost us $36 cold cash to pt.rnt Jim in decent shape, and no one would have given $lO for him when alive.' -Viiii iiitf -r~-• y »r ! v

FREAKS OF FASCINATION.

Handsome Women Are Not Always the Most Attractive. Dame Nature plays strange freaks with men’s minds. If one of the many enterprising newspapers of the day was to inaugurate a competition in which every man had to give an accurate description of the kind of women most prone to fascinate him, many readers would, says a writer in the Brooklyn Eagle, be astonished. The effect would be greatly enhanced if each competitor had to write a short! description of himself as well. More j than ever, then, would people wonder how.it comes about that some great strapping Hercules falls in love with a fragile, etheral maiden, or that puny weakling courts the buxom, strapping lassie. Cupid was ever represented as a blindfolded boy, and the erratic aim of some of his arrows has surely Betokened this. Who has not seen the man who dotes on his wife, while she to other men appears hopelessly ugly, or incomparably stupid? How often, too, one may see a beautiful, intellectual woman who is totally absorbed in her insignificant husband! In such cases there is a hidden, deep rooted affinity which the happy couple themselves could not define, and which the skeptical eye of the cynic will never fathom. Noah Webster’s definition of the word fascination is, “The exercise of a powerful or irresistible influence on the affections and passions,” and he gives as secondary explanatipns, “Unseen, inexplicable influence, witchs craft, enchantment.” In the words “inexplicable influence” the learned doctor seems to have summed up neatly the whole question. Who can explain what is frequently the case, that of two men of as nearly as possible the same cast of mind, the one will find a woman irresistibly fascinating, while on the other she may not exert the slightest attractive influence? Such a problem is as hard to solve as why the guileless rabbit, instead of putting his best leg forward and making a bolt, circles round the snake which he knows only too well intends to make a meal of him. The wise heathen, Aristotle, said: “No man loves but that he is first delighted with comeliness and beauty, and beauty is for the most part the bait which lures a victim into the meshes of the snare, but not always. Dr. Webster,, too. seems to imply by his definition that in the power of fascination, whether excercised by man or woman, there lurks a. certain sexual affinity.

Intelligent Dogs.

A well known newspaper man living in the upper part of the city is the owner of a pointer dog that answers to the name of Dash. Dash has never been broken for the field and is a family pet He opens the doors and gates without difficulty, and, under the tutelage of the newspaper man’s little daughter, makes known by means of a ; set of wooden blocks his simple wants. When asked what he would like Dasfrh selects the letters b-o-n-e from the pile Of blocks and lays them in regular sequence at the feet of the questioner. The question, “What do-you hate?” spurs the dog to spell b-a-t-h. “Where would you like to go?” asks the dog’s little mistress. O-u-t he instantly spells, and when she adds, “Where do you go sometimes that makes mas ter very angry and gets you a whipping?” he drops his ears and picks out the two blocks that spell i-n. Another newspaper man living on Walnut street, near Eleventh, is the : owner of a very intelligent water spaniel named Prentice. Recently Prentice was whipped by his master for some misdemeanor and ran yelling from the room. He took shelter with another newspaper man living on an upper floor and, when the latter pelted him and expressed regret that he had been punished, Prentice immediately took up quarters with his champion and now, whenever his old master, with whom he was always on the best ol terms, approaches him, he snarls and snaps and shows every token of dislike. —Philadelphialnquirer.

Words, Words, Words.

Edward J. Phelps, ex-Minister to England, in his article in the December Scribner’s says : “Never since the creation has there come upon the earth such a deluge of talk as the latter half of the nineteenth century has heard. The orater is every where, and has all subjects for his own. The writer stayeth not his hand by day or by night Every oticcessive day brings forth in the English tongue more discourse than all the great speakers ol the past have left behind them, and more printed matter, such as it is, than the contents of an ordinary library. We certainly seem to be npproaching the time when hardly anything will he left to be said on any subject that has not been said before -perhaps many times over; when all known topics will begin to be exhausted.”

Ice Age of America.

One of the most interesting of recent contributious of arenaetogical interest is Prof. Weight’s lecture on the “Ice age of America.” Prof. Wright shows that the whole backbond of I Long Island is formed of glacial de- ! posits, ;nd he takes his hearers all along the moraines that marks the farthest points touched by the wonderful field of ice. The lecture concludes with a description ot the small stone god recently brought up by a sand pump near Boise City,. Idaho, from a depth of 320 feet He and many other | scientists think it is the oldest mark of • human life that has yet been discovered, and believe it to be the work of the t ante-diluvian man.

Uncle Remus.

Joel Chandler Harris—Uncle Remus —is an old-fashioned man, who believes in the gospel of common sense, eschewing new-fangled notions in general, and constantly affirming that the Bible and Shakespeare are literature enough for any man. Though old-fashioned he is not old. Using fun as a life-preserver, he is joking from j morning till night.

Satisfy Yourself.

The way people are questioning their grocers about-the adulteration of baking powders has stirred up that part of the mercantile community to taking more care in their selection of manufactured articles. The consumers are rapidly awakening to the fact that i early all the cheap brands and prize goods, as well as some high priced brands advertised as * ‘Absolutely Pure,” contain either Alum or Ammonia, and some of them both of these adulterants. ‘ „ A simple test of the purity of baking powder, is to mix in a tin cup two heaping teaspoonfuls of the Powder with three teaspoonful of cold water, place it over the fire, stirring constantly, allow it to boil thoroughly, or, until the gas escapes freely; then smell; if adulterated the odor of Ammonia will be plainly perceived. The presence of Ammonia in most cases indicates that alum is used, as nearly all the alum of commerce contains Ammonia. Pure Baking Powder will not give the faintest Ammoniacal odor. Baking powders composed principally of Starch, Alum and terra alba, boil into a thick dirty paste.—New York W orld. The Sultan’s Live Birthday Present. Custom still requires that the Sultan of Turkey’s mother shall on his birthday present him with a beautiful female slave, but in practice it has come to pass that the Sultan simply adds to his establishment the orphan child of some poor officer or deserving servant. It is considered a great honor and it certainly is a very profitable thing to be enrolled among the Sultan’s “favorites,” if only for a week. A life pension is the result, and the young lady easily finds a husband.

The People

are not slow to understand that, in order to warratft their manufacturers in guaran teeing them to benefit or cure, medicines must possess more than ordinary merit and curative properties. Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery is the only blood medioine sold, through druggists, under a positive guarantee that it will benefit or cure or money paid for it will be returned. In all blood, skin and scalp diseases, and for all scrofulous affections, it is specific. SSOO Reward offered by the proprietors of Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy for an incurable case. The milky way—To the cheese factory.

CONDIMENTS.

Mudge—Peck, do you believe in sheol here on earth? Mr. N. Peck—No, 1 don’t believe in it, but I have got to stand it.—Terre Haute Express. Inez (telling of her yachting trip)— And all the way home we just hugged the shore. Young Saphead—Aw, do you know I would have been werry glad to have been the shore. Inez—Thanks, but the shore has lots of rocks; quite an attraction nowadays, as you are aware.—Kearney Enterprise. The Young Man (bitterly)—lf that is your final answer, Miss Cabiff, be it so! There is one refuge for the desperate soul—one last resting place for the broken heart! Farewell! The Young Woman (alarmed) —In mercy’s name, Mr. Kedjoe, what are you about to do? “l am going to offer myself to Victoria Polhemus!" (With a scream) “What! Throw yourself away on that vinegar-faced old stay, Charles! I—l ” Inventor—“l would like to get you interested in my improved fly-paper.” Capitalist— ‘ ‘What makes you think it will be successful?” Inventor--“ Because" it’s ‘gottAn iip~ in imitation of a bald head.” —Life. In a St Louis hospital a man recently had a dream which covered six months’ time and 10,000 miles of travel. There is a great deal of sightseeing embraced in a drink of St. Louis whisky.—Chicago Herald. Yabsley- -What has become of old man Figg? I never hear of him any more. Is he dead? Wickwire—No, not exactly. His wife is keeping boarders.—Terre Haute Express. “No,” sobbed the widow, “I shall never find John’s equal; but p-perhaps I c-can find h-h-his equivalent’’—Harper’s Bazar. Mr. Stayathome—What are you going to do with the shears, John? John (just from England)—Hi’m goin’ to trim the hedge of the ’edge, air. Washing powders are strong alkalies, and ruin clothes. The purest soap obtain able is the best and cheapest. Dobbins' Electric Soap has been acknowledged for 24 years to be the purest of all. Try it right away. Senator-elect Pettigrew, of South Dakota, will be the youngest member of the distinguished body in which he is about tb take his seat. He Is only forty years of age. The next youngest Senator is Mr. Kenna, of West Virginia, who is forty-one, and was only thirty-five when first elected. A jolly boot—The craft of funny men. Oregon, tn« rzrzdiM oi Farmers. Mild, equable cl I mate, certain and abundant erouz. But fruit, grain, grass and stock country n the world. Full informati in free. Address he Oregon Immi<r»Uon Board. Portland, Ore.

Children Cry for Pitcher’s Castoria. When Baby was sick, we gave her Castorla. When she was a Child, ahe cried for Castoria, When she became Mias, ahe clung to Castoria, When she had Ctatoimi. aha gave thonsCMtori*.

CAN'T DO IT!

You may talk of Christian Science, with its power of healing great. But there’s one thing Christian Science cannot even palliate. It may stop hypochondria; it may knock hysterics out, e ~ • • iCure hiccough, banish freckles, soothe a tendency to pout; Christian Science, taken daily, obesity reduce, Or may fatten up the lean man till he waddles like ago sei . It may raise a griwth of whiskers on the downy cheeks of boys. Or remove a sprouting mustache which a pretty maiden annoys; Science may do wonders, but its power is put to scorn - When the healer trits to work it for the curing of a corn.

Entitled to the Best.

All are entitled to the best that their money will buy. so every family should have, at once, a bottle of the bast family remedy. Syrup of Figs, to cleanse the system when eostive or bilious. For sa2e in 50c and $1 bottles by all leading druggists.

Plenty of Room Yet There is no immediate danger of the United States becoming overcrowded, for Joseph Nimmo, Jr., shows in Frank Leslie’s paper that since independence was achieved the United States Government has been the largest owner of arable land on the earth. The total area of the “public domain,” sold and unsold, amounts to 1.849,072,587 acres, and constitutes 72 per cent, of the total area of the United States, including Alaska. About 700,000,000 acres of land have been sold and donated, about 1,150,000,000 acres remain unsold. As the area of Alaska is 369,530,000 acres, the area unsold exclusive of that territory is about 780,000,000 acres.

State oe Ohio, Citt op Toledo, > Lucas County, jm. Frank J. Cheney makes oath that he is the senior of the firm of F. J. Chenei & Co,, doing business in the city of Toledo, County and State aforesaid, and that said firm will pay the sum of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for each and every case of catrrrh that cannot be cured by the use of Hall's Catarrh Cure ■ ■ FRANK .I. CHENEY, Sworn to before me and subscribed in my prejence, this 6th day of December. 1886. A. W. GLEASON, •j SEAL[ *•' Notai y PublicHall’s Citarrh Cure is taken Internally and acta directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. Send for testimonials, free. F. J. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, O. ••“Sold by Druggists, 75 cents. Sea-sickness—A yatching fever. News About Town. It is the current report about town that Kemp's Balsam for the Throat and Lungs is making some remarkable cures with people who are troubled with Coughs, Sorer Throat, Asthma, Bronchitis and Consumption. Any druggist will give you a trial bottle free of cost. It is guaranteed to relieve and cure. The Large Bottles are 50c and |l. A vessel under steam—The tea kettle. Coughs and Colds.—Those who are suffering from coughs, colds, sore throat, etc., should try Brown’s Bronchial Tboches. Sold only in boxes. , Tailpieces of ocean—Fins. Old smokers prefer “Tansill’s Punch” Cigar. The best cough medicine is Piso’s Cure for Consumption. Sold everywhere. sc. —A practice ship—Courtship. Only One Bottle. Fobt Wayne. Ind., August 23,1889. Rheumatic Syrup Co.. Jackson. Mich.: Gentlemen: Having suffered severely for some time with rheumatism, so that I was unable to work. Messrs. Dreier & Bro. recommended Hibbard's Rheumatic Syrup. After taking one bottle I was entirely cured. I have recommended your remedies frequently to my L tends with like results. L. C. ZOLLINGEB. ? sk your druggist for it. We have personal knowledge that the gbove statement is correct. Dbeieb & Bbo., Druggist*. Hibbard’s Rheumatic and Liver Fills. These Pills are scientifically compounded, uniform in action. No griping pain so commonly following the use of pills. They, are adapted to both adults ana children with perfect safety. We guarantee they have no equal in the sure of Sick Headacne, Constipation. Dyspepsia. Biliousness; and, as an appetizer, they excel any other preparation.

A down-y coach—The ocean bed. THE GOOD OFFICE'OF: jTT, Ib well illustrated tn ' anV th o cure ot neuralgia, l&>T|4P|||K*the chief symptom of |/ll)lll|Xwhich Is, an intennit(j fating pain which follows KT y I a ww I the course of the nerve /I ■II affected. St. Jacobs Oil X—rlli by gentle rubbing and applied frequently, will cure NEURALGIA. 196 Sackett BL, Brooklyn, N. Y., Jan. 31,1889. I was taken with neuralgia in side and suffered 6 months. I was given up by doctors, but was cured by St. Jacoba Oil. MICHAEL McGINN. At Dbuggists and D»alebs. THE CHARLES A. VOGELER CO., BaltMwe.WA. RIEND” WORK SHOPS n Of Wood ud Metal Worton without BU*m Ptmr, Kqulpiwd with OatlU of BARNES’ PATENT f-y-Foot Power Machin’y allow low Mdo Ml Joba. wad sr—Ur BroSu thaw kjMj other meaa. for dw- V W I U< work. Bold Mbtaet u irial U y<MT * 1 Uop bond f w Prior-Liat IWalono. W. Kdt JNO. BAHNKS <«.. SKIXB AAinaa(3Sk^M*.*oaKTC«a > lu. IIKMS d purposes. 3Oe<afhr mailing y wttfi particulars .^^l77^*——wt»NaT sawn fiiham 1,1 iml

A water tower—An iceberg. Grata Cause for Anxiety Exists when the kidneys lose their activity. Prompt measures should be taken to renew it, otherwise Bright’s disease, diabetes, or some other organic trouble is to be apprehended as a consequence. Houitter’a Stomach Bitten iaa most desirable diuretic, as its stimulative action upon these organs never crosses the border line of safety and merges into irritation, as do many stimulants Used for the same purpose by the careless and uninstructed. The stimuli of commerce, fiery and unmedicated, are not suitable corrective agents in a case like th s. They excite without producing a permanently desirable resnlt. The “just medium” between them and an effectual diuretic is tlfe Cities, which is also a specific for malarial complaints, dyspepsia, constipation and rheumatism . A A trim craft—Tailoring, Read Dr. Barber's card in another eblunm.

Cold Waves Are prMloted with reliable accuracy and aad peapie liable to the pain* of rbeanatiam dread arery i ; r.nge to damper etonay weather. Although we du not claim Hood’s Sareaparilla to be a positive epecu-c for rbenmatiam, the remarkable cures it baa effecU.l show that it may be taken for rheumatism with reasonable certainity of3>enofit. Its action in neutralising the acidity of the blood, which is ths cause of rheumatism, constitutes the secret of the success of Hoad's Sarsaparilla in curine the complaint. "i suffered a long time with rheumatism in iny left arm and shoulder, my blood being in a Tory low condition. Since I hare been taking hood'a Sarsaparilla I have not been troubled with rheumatism, and my blood Is in a better condition.** Mm. M. Mocst, 303 Nostrand Avenue, Brooklyn, N. Y. Hood’s Sarsaparilla Sold by all druggists, fl; six for S 5. Prepared only by C. L HOOD & CO., Apothecaries, Lowell, Mass. 100 Doses One Dollar UftWteCVBK CATARRH. A circular deeerlbnUHlnga new and non irritating home treatment, that will cure Catarrh, Catarrhal Deafness, Hay Fever, Throat Affections, Bronchitis, and Consumption in Its incipient stage, win be sent any one thus affected, by addreming D. YINGLING, it Ik, Huntingtoa/lnX BRONCHITIS CURED. After spending Ten Winters South, was Gored by Scott’s Emulsion. IM Centre St, Now York, 1 June 26th, 1888. < The Winter after the great fire In Chicago I contracted Bronchial affection a, and alnoe then have been obliged to epond nearly every Winter South. Last November was advised to try Scott’s Emulsion of Cod Liver Oil with Hypophosphites and to my su rprlse was relieved at onoe, and by continuing Its use three months was entirely cured, gained flesh and strength and was able to stand even the Blizzard and attend to business every day. „ C. T. CHURCHILL. Nold by all Druggitt*. GRATEFUL-COMFORTING. EPP’S COCOA. BREAKFAST. “By a thorough knowledge of the natural laws which govern the operations of digestion and nutrition, and by a careful application of the fine properties of well-selected Cocoa, Mr. Epps, has provided our breakfast tables with a delicately flavored beverage whicn may save us many heavy doctors’ bills. It is by the judicious use of such article of diet that a constitution may be gradually built up until strong enough to resist every tendency to diseas-*. Hundreds of subtle maladies are floating around us ready to attack wherever there is a weak point. We may escape many fatal shaft by keeping ourselves well fortified a ltd pure blood and a properly nourished frame.’’—Civil S.rvice Gazette. Made simp’y with boiling water or milk. Sold only lu half-pound tins,by Grocers,labeled thus: JAJIi s t PI’S & CO., Homoeopathic Chemists, London, England. FOR 1890. Some people agree with Tag Sun’s opinions about men and. thlncLamiaomapeopla. don't out everybody loves to get hold of the newspaper which is never dull and never afraid to speak its miad, Democrats know that for twenty years Tub Bun has fought in the front line for Democratic principles, never wavering or weakening in its loyalty to the true interests of the party it serves with fearless intelligence and disinterested vigor. At times opinions have differed as to the best means of accomplishing the common purpose; it is not Thb Sum’s fault if it has seen further into the millstone. Eighteen hundred and ninety is the year that will probably determine the result of the Presidential election cf 1892, and perhaps the fortunes of the Democracy for the rest of the centuary. Victory in 1832 is a duty, and the beginn'ng of 1890 is the best time to start out in company with THB Sum Daily, per month, . . |q.so Daily, per year, • 6.00 Sunday, per year, - - . . 2.00 Daily and Sunday, per year, - - 8.00 Daily and Sunday, per month, - 0.70 Weekly Sun, one year, ... LOO Address THS SUN, M«w York. Walter Belli & Co. MANUFACTURERS OF = FURS’S WB ABB TBB LABDUTIMPOBTvIb SRg or 2 SEAL SKINS in the country and ■ specialty <selling BB SEAL JACKETS nF bn 1 SACQUESA / 1 HR I NEWMARKETS lil PiLasß*®” Ac ~ Alkyonr aur ~ chant for tbeiii. WALTER BUHL & CO. DETKOtT, MICH.

I trairuMM bcdqoi warn—» ww ~ r—r—- ■ ■DISO’S REMEDY FOR CATARRH.—Best Easiest ■■ 1 to use. Cheapest Relief is immediate. A cun is EB certain. For Cold in the Head it has no equal. J ■ ■ Br ""I “J ■ It is an Ointment of which a small particle is applied to the nostril*. Price, 50c. Sold by druggists or sent B by mail. Address, E. T. Haw.tuk, Warren, Pa. -

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