Rensselaer Republican, Volume 22, Number 13, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 December 1889 — TALK OR THE DAY. [ARTICLE]

TALK OR THE DAY.

A speech from the thrown—“ Blast that mule.” In the race of life the fastest man is almost sure to fail. It will take a good deal of courage for She social reformer to sit on the barbid wire trust ‘•Does your teacher ever get mad?” “Yes, indeed, lam often the victim of ais ruling passion.” The absent-minded professor to the night watchman—“'Good night I hope sou will sleep well." If it wasn't for his neglected halfbrother. Ink, the Pen would be (nightie than a butcher’s skewer. Little Freddie (to sister’s caller) — “It must be awful nice to be a man. Don’t you wish you were a man, Mr. Nobrane?” Illinois uses more shingles than and »ther state in the union. The Illinois school teachers seem to understand Iheir business. The boarding-house keeper who lives her boarders oleomargarine instead of butter provides them with the fat of the land. 1 .evel means flat, yet the man who would feel flattered to be called level headed would object Strongly to being jailed flat headed. Giles —“How is it your sisters can never agree?” Bobby—‘They’re both die same size and are always wearing each other’s clothes.” —, r — -T _ ~ Indemnity money. “What do you get in evening for waiting at entertainments?” “Five marks, but if there is io be singing I must ask six. ” A Boston club has ordered a bust of John L. Sullivan. John would, no loubt, be pleased to furnish it himself, if the requistc funds were sent him. A Misapprehension of Terms—Mr. Oarsman ton the crew)—“Have you seen the Yale tank?” Miss Pharmington (innocently)—“No, I haven’t met him.” “Is there much corn raised in Germany?” asked Squildig. “I.think not,” replied McTwirUngeh. “Why?” “It seems to me I have heard it called the. fodder land." “What? Is the widow Brown going to be led to the altar for the third time? ,l "“Norl guess not. She ought to be able to find the way there herself by this time.” Mr. Owen—“ Your soda fount tin is well charged, Mr. Bumpernickle.” “Veil, dot’s my piznoss cf I has got dot fountain charged; und es you pay vot you owe, I pay may be cash.” Old Style and New—Teacher—“What is that letter?” Pupil—“l don’t know." Teacher—“ What is it that makes honey ?’’ Small boy (son of a manufacturer) —“Glucose." New York’s Masterly Inactivity : “New York is like Mrs. Cleveland in one respect,” remarked the Snake Editor. “In what respect!” asked the Horse Editor. “No bustle about the fair.” Dunn—“ When can you settle this account, Mr. Short?” Short—“Oh, come around next week.” “Will you pay me then ?” “I can’t promise that j exactly ; but I can tell you then when to come again.” “Why, my boy, you’ve spelt window without an n. Don’t you know the di lie re nee between a window and a widow ?” "Yes, sir. You cm see through one—and and—you chrf t see through the other, sir.” The S gacious Maiden —He —“I don’t see why you won’t marry a man ; without capital if lie has a good s ilary. j Mother Eve married a gardener,” She —“Yes, and the first thing he did wastoloso his situation!” Effects of a Carousal—First Umbrella —“Oh, dear! My ribs ache and I’m sore all over.” Second Umbrella “Well I should think you would -be, .you wcre- pretty- we-lh soaked -when you —were brought home last irigbfc^-. — Mrs. Yeast—“ Johnny, are you full over to your house?” Johnny (whose mother takes boarders)—“Yes; you see ; Uncle llemus sent a barrel of fall ap- 1 pies down day before yesterday, and - now we’re very much cramped.” Clothing Salesman—“ Well, how do you like this pattern?” Customer—- “ Can’t you give me something a little’ quieter? You see, I frequently come . home after midnight, and it is a mat- j ter of some importance to me to wake up'my wife.” . Mr. Nagger —“I believe if I was to J die you’d be willing td wed Beelzebub himself, just to see if you could force ‘ him into subjection to your will.” Mrs. Nagger —“The law does not allow a woman to marry the father of her deceased husbanJ.

Trilling Injuries.—Football Player (feebly)—“Did we win?” Sympathizing Comrade—“We did, old fellow.” Football Player (excited 1y) “Never mind that dislocated thigh, doctor. Take these broken teeth out of my mouth so I can holler!” Mrs. Gullible—“Do you know, dear, John is as boyish in his feelings as ever?” Mrs. Kawler— “Indeed?” Mrs. Gullible —“Yes, Why. it was only lujt night 1 he ird him talking in his sleep about seeing the elephant. The dear fellow had doubtless been to the circus.” between the “Yes, dear, I nm worried! George seems to have acquired such a bad habit. When we attend the theater he always goes out between all the acts.”. Friend "Oh, my dear, you look at It in entirely the wrong way. You ought to be thankful that he comes in between • all the drinks. Late at the observatory.— “Ple-’Bt tell me where lam to go. I was invited to see the tr nsit of Venus.” “J am extremely sorry, madam, but you are too late. The transit was over sis- j teen minutes ago.” “Oh. that’s no matter. The supertcndent is a friend of mine and I am Bure he will have It. done again for me." "No. my son. I do not think it best j for you to join the footb ill team of your class. 1 would like you to pre- j serve your physical anatomy as long as possible.” “But you see the boys are j determined, and I nm the best man ourfellows cm furnish to the rush line.” “It makes no difference, young man. You must have something left of yourself to meet the ordinary railroad accidents 1 of use."