Rensselaer Republican, Volume 22, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 November 1889 — WANTED A SOFT SNAP. [ARTICLE]

WANTED A SOFT SNAP.

How the Attractions of a Military Life Were Dissipated. . Recently, says the Pitsburg Times, a man slightly under the influence of liquor approached the guard standing at the door of the recruiting station of the United States army, Penn avenue, and, addressing the soldiers, said: “Is this the place to enlist in the army?” “Yes, sir,” replied the uniformed gentleman.* “I believe I would like to enlist and go to the Alleghany Arsenal at Lawrenceville. That is a pretty nice place, and I think the soldiers have a pretty soft sbap.” • - - “But why do you want to join the army?” asked the soldier. -Are you in trouble and wish to withdraw from the world and drown your sorrow in the quiet life of a soldier, or are you out-of employment and disheartened?” “Neither of these,” said the appli-

cant for army honors. *•! have been a hardworking mau all my life, and now 11 want to take a rest and I know of no softer snap th n to be a soldier.” i “Well, now, just listen one moment and I will explain the matter to you. In the first place the chances are ten to one that if you enlist you will regret' it within three months and then wish you were back in Pittsburg. There is no way of gettinghack until your time is expired, and if you desert and come back you will be retaken, court-mar-tialed and sentenced to undergo imprisonment at hard labor for five years. None but those of long service can get an opportunity to come to and be stationed at the arsenal or recruiting stations. You would be sent West, and be compelled to do sentinel duty at the camp, and be out in all kinds of weather, with no beer or whiskey to drive out the frost and dampness. I “Well,” said the applicant with surprise, “if that is the case, I don’t believe that I Want to become a soldier. lam very much obliged to you for your information. I shall go back to my trade and cut stone. Good-by. If you find me back here again kick me out, will you ?” With these words be left, but came back again and asked the guard to come out and have a drink. Nothing damps the ardor of applic ntsfor military honors more th n to describe the realities of soldier life.