Rensselaer Republican, Volume 21, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 September 1888 — AN EDITOR'S RIDE. [ARTICLE]

AN EDITOR'S RIDE.

Texss Siftings. • He was my solitary companion in the caboose of a Dakota freight train, and to while away the time he -’told me alxnit a trick the boys played upon an editor up ifi a little Minnesota town who took his girl to a ball. .Said my companion: One night there was a shindig out of town about a mile, at Old Man Plummer's place. It was a big un—they had three (tiddlers an’ the organ they borrowed from the Methodist Church. Of course this 'ere Charlie Higgles—that was his iiame—this 'eve •editor—of course Charlie must go. lie bio wed about it in his paper beforehand; too, and called it a hop, which prejerdiced some agin it too, if he had only knowed it. Well, he went out some six or seven miles on Gopher Perairie and got Old Hoss Perkins’s darter to take to c **» t . this hop. as he called‘it. They got to the Old Man’s ’l>o»t dark, je§s as the head fiddler was tuning up. “Well, the night wore on. which remark I once read and everything was all O. K. The danejn’ was kep’ lively an' ev’rvbodv had a good time. Charlie,the feller I’m a-talkin’ 'bout, brought the girl to the blowout in one o’ these ’ere one-lioss buggies that has powerful small wheels in' front an’ powerful big uns behind. Well,’long ’bout midnight, mebbv a little past, when it was dark as a string o’ black cats, ’bout twelve, or mebby some past, I don’t know exactly, some o’ the boys went out to this’ere buggy, kinder, an’ sorter walked around it, an’ hefted it. an’ talked a little, an’ said it looked like rain, an’ sized up the buggy, an’ bv-an’-bw sorter somehow changed the wheels on the blamed thing —put the behind ones -fbr’ard an’ the forard . ones behind, you see. The hoys done it, you know for ' sort of a joke I reckon. Mebby they wanted to see if a man what edited a newspaper would catch onto a buggy with its front r’ared up ’n the air like a treadmill. It made a powerful funnv- . . LookinLhnggy of it—’peared to be built some like a bufferlo—high in front an’ low behimJL I never seen such a highshouldered buggy before nor since. It looked ’sif it had its for’ard feet tip’ll the manger reachin’ over into the oat bin. "Well,'the niglit wore on some more; ’till 1 o’clock, when Charlie, this 'ere youth what thought he could run a paper, said he guessed they better go home. So he hitehed u]g l an'_Qld Iloss’s -darter put on her wraps an’ fixin’s—an’ went out an' got in the buggy with Charley. Still dark’s the inside of acow—no moon fora month, an’ the stars all clouded under. ‘There's something wrong with this’ere buggy,’, says Old Hoss’s gal, ‘No, nothin the matter,’ says Charlie, ’we’re jest goin’ up hill, that's all,’ an’ then they both leaned for'ardto keep from failin’ over back'ards. _v ’• ♦ still thought there was somethin’ out o’ rvhack wdtli the (Conveyance, an" said she allowed she’d have to tie a flatiron to her feet to keep from goin’out behind. ‘Don’t git aceited,' says Charlie, ‘we’se jess goin’ up old Dad Hawkins’s hill.’ So they kep’ naggin’ ilong,-slow like, on’ Charlie let the hoss stop an’ rest ev’rv little ways, ’cause "Tie said it must be powerful hard work to draw up such a steep hill. So they kep’ pokin’ long, pokin’ ’long, an’ Charlie ’lowed to get out and walk if the hill got much steeper. So tliev leaned for’ards, an’ part o’ the time hung onto the dash-board with their hands if they did strike a little hill, an' kep’ snailin’ ’long, snailin’ ’long. •. “A good deal of the time they stopped to let the Koss catch his breath, it bein’ such a powerful long hill, an’ then they’d sit :here quiet as a pot o’ paint, an’ think. By-an’-by the girl begun to get spunky. ‘l’ve traveled this ’ere road before, she said, ‘an’ I never seen no such monstrous hill.’ ‘Oh, that's all right; that’s all right,’ says Chalie, ‘we’re now goin’ up old Pap Nell’s hill.’ ‘But where is the holler between old Dad Hawkin’s hill an’ old Pap Nell’s hill?’ save Jule—her name was Jule. ‘I ’low

as how the road commissioners artist a’ fillet! it up and made on© long hill/ says Charlie. , --, - i- • “So they ieaned for’ards an’ kep’ a moseyin’ 'Jong slow, an’ lettiu' the hoes rest so he wouldn’t be all tired out when they got to the top 6’ the hill, an’ still it was. dark as the inside t»f a infidel. Mebby half a nour they didn’t say nothin’, and then says Charlie: -‘Jute.’ says he, ‘this does ’pear to be a somewhat lengthy Tull—seems ’sTf spine atmospheric inflooence must ’a’ lengthened it out.’ That’s what he’-said, atmospheric inflooence. “They poked a couple of miles finder, all the time easy on the boss. Then says Jule: ‘We must be on the wrong road/ says she. ‘You can't fool me, Mr, Higgles.' ‘Mebby we* be/ says Charlie, ‘I reckon we might bear of! to the right ’ So they jagged off to the right, an’ went a mile, still up hill. Then they jagged to the left, still hilly. Then they jagged in all directions, and pretty soon, after goin’ up a long steep hill for two miles, they turned squar' ’round an’ started back, but they still had to hang onto the dash board to keep from failin’ out behind. “ ‘Well, smitten Caesar!’ yelledCharlie, ‘if this ain’t the blamedest country I ever gpt into!’ an’ then lie hit the ole hoss a welt with the end of the liqes. ‘I reckon we’ll get out o’ this somehow, if we kill the boss!’ An’ then they went tearin’ ’round on that perairie with the hoss on the dead run, and Charlie a-yellin.’ 'Sufferin’ Washington/ howls Charlie, it’s all hill no matter where we go, but I’ll git out of it or bust!’ Then lie swung the lines some more, an’ Jule lmng onto the dashboard an’ bail the histories. They kep’ a goin’ for prettv near a nour, Charlie giftin' madder 'n' madder, an’ Jule more historical. „ ‘“ ’Bout then it begun to git a little light, and’ Chariie happened to look at the wheels. There to each side of him, as he hung onto the dash-board, them hind wheels was a-loomin’ up, each like the fly-wheel ou a saw-mill engine. Then he stopped the boss an' wilted. Jule seen the wheels, too, but she didn’t wilt. “We’ll kinder keep this thing qu’et,” says Charlie; - we won’t mention it to nobody—mum’s the word.’ “ ‘Yes, we will, says Jule, a-risin’ an’ climbin out; ‘yes, we’ll keep, it quiet, yon low-down, deceitful man. We’ll hush it up, we will—p’raps! Haul me all over the peraire in such a-lookin' thing,, will you, an’ tell me we’re goin' up hill! Good-by, sir, our paths kinder sep’rate an’ lay apart at this p’int!’ an’ she struck off across the country, ten miles, for home, an’ left Charlie a-think-in\ not loud but deep. “He didn't know how to fix the wheels, of course, so he came into town with them as they was. iu ’bout two hours, still thinkin' quiet, but powerful deep down. Frkp. H. Car.ru th.