Rensselaer Republican, Volume 20, Number 47, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 July 1888 — A WILD WESTERN WEDDING. [ARTICLE]

A WILD WESTERN WEDDING.

Effective Coupling of ft Wyoming Pair by a Justice of the. Peace.

- It appears that one Jonas Burton had been chosen justice of the peace , of one the small Wyoming towns, not because he was possessed of any special qualifications for the office, hilt on account Of his personal which had about it all those qualities which go to make the yellow dog a thing of beauty and a joy forever .to the lovers of pure cussedness. Among other functions o his office Hon. Jonas one day found .himself called upon to join in the “bonds of padlock,” as matrimony is sometimes called in the west, a raw young couple from up the country. His honor was appalled at the situation. He could commit a horse-thief to the gallows with all the elegance and impressiveness of manner which that act demanded. He could sentence a man to jail for life for holding five aces in his hand at poker w ithout turning a hair, hut as for “marryin’ folks, lie wasn’t in 't, be goshtlemitey!” But as justice of the peace he had to do it,-and his per turbafion of spirit was dreadful to witness.

About an hour before the ceremony w’us to take place the correspondent, accompanied by one of the leading eitizens of the place, a Mr. Stiles, was sent to the squire’s cabin and found him poring over a large volume of the statutes of Wyoming, sweating like a horse, and looking terribly anxious. After greeting the callers he said: “Stiles, the durned galoots that got up these ver laws hadn’t gumption enough to last them over night. I’ve run through the blamed book a half-dozen times an’ can’t find a dod-blasted word about matermony, or how . the liitchin' process is proceeded with. I’ve just got to put the clamps on this couple, hit or miss, an’ es .1 don’t yoke ’em up legal I can’t help it.” * “Oh,” said Stiles, “just do the best you can. Any kind of a ceremony will do in this country, for people never question the legality of the thing. I’ll post you as well as I can.”

Stiles then explained to him about how lie should proceed, and the old man thought, filially, he could worry through it. Ere long the couple appeared, followed by a crowd of the citizens of the Tiie candidates stood up before the old squire, who said; “Feller citizens, this ysr man and this yar woman have appeared before this -court to be hitched in the legal bands of wedlock. If any galoot in the mob knows of anything that ihout block the game es tuk to a higher court, let him now toot his bazoo, or else, keep his jaw to himself now and forever more. All in favor of proceedin’ as authorized by law say ‘l.’” Everybody said “I.” "“Contrary, ‘No.’ ” Nobody said “No.” “The motion is carried unanimously, an’ the court rules that thar hain’t nothin’ to prevent -trying the case.—tirip. your fins.” The candidates joined hands. “Amos Peabody, do you sol■emnly swa’ar tliet you’ll freeze to ’Mandy foreyer an’ ever? Thet ye’ll love ’er und pervide fer’er, an’treat ’er square an’ white, accordin’ to the rules and regulations sot down to govern sich cases in the laws o’ the United St*tes, so help you (r&d?”

“Yaas, Kir; I do sir,” ■' • -•' “That fixes your end o' the bargain. ’Mandy Thomas,do you solemnly swa’ar that ye’ll hang on to Amos for all cornin’ time; that ye’ll nuss him in sickness and be square to him in wellness; that ve’ll be to him a good, true, honest, up Aft’ up wife, under the penalty prescribed by the laws for the punishment of such offenses; do yon swa’r it, so help you Clod?” “I swa’ar I will.” “Then, by the power in me vested as ustice of the peace, in an’ fur this precinct, I pronounce you, Amos Peabody, husband, an’ you, ’Mandy Thomas, wife, an’ legalize ye to remain as such now an’ furovermore; and ye’ll stand committed till the fees an’ costs in the case be paid in full, an’ may God have mercy cfn your souls, and bless this union with his heftiest blessin’s,” The fees and costs were adjusted, and, after receiving the congratulations of the assembly, the newlv-made husband and wife departed for their cabin Up the creek.