Rensselaer Republican, Volume 20, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 February 1888 — MARRIAGE VOWS. [ARTICLE]

MARRIAGE VOWS.

The Marriage Contract Regarded Wnh Two Uttle Serionanews. The Pledge* That Had Belter Not Been Made—Aluqneiry and Flirtation the Croat Alenee «n Many Horrowi. Rev. Dr. Talmage preached at the Brooklyn Tabernacle last Sunday.. Subject. “Broken Promises of Marriage.’* Text, Judges, xi., 35: “I have opened my mouth unto the Lord, and I can not goback.” He said: There is one ward in almost all the insane asylums and 0 a large region in almost every cemetery that you need to visit. They are occupied by the, men and women who are the victims of broken proraisesof marriage. The women in those wards and in those mortuary receptacles are in the majority, because woman lives more in her affections than does man, and laceration of them in her case is more apt to be a dementia and a fatality. In some regions of this land the promise of marriage is considered to have no solemnity or binding force. It was only made in fun. They may change their mind. The ergigetnent may stand until some one more attractive in person or opulent in estate appears on the scene; then the rings are returned and the amatory leiters and all relationship ceases. And so there are ten thousand Jephthah’s daughters sacrificed as burnt offerings. The whole ulrtjoctneerfs to he taken out of the realm of comedy into tragedy, and men and women need to understand that, while there are exceptions to the rule, once having solemnly pledged to each other, heart and hand, the forfeiture and abandonment of that pledge make the transgressor in the eight of God a perjurer, and eo the day of judgment will re veal it. The one has lied to the other; and ali liars shall have their part in the lake that burneth with fire and brimstone. If a man or woman make a promise in the business world, is there any obligation to fulfill it? If a man sign a note for 1500, ought he to pay it? 11 a contract be signed involving the building of a house or the furnishing of a bill of goods, ought they to stand by the contract? “Oh, yes,” always answered. Then I ask the further question: is the heart, the happiness, the welfare, he tern poral and eternal destiny of man or woman worth as much as the house, worth $5tK), worth' anything? The realm of profligacy is filled with men and women as the result of the wrong answer to that question. The most aggravating, stupendous and God-defying lie is a e lie in the shape of a broken espousal*. But suppose a man changes his mind, ought be not back oat? Not once in ten thousand times. What if I change my mind about a promissory note and decline to pay it, and suddenly put nay property in such ashape that you could hoi collect your note? How would you like that? That, vou say, would be a fraud. So is the other a fraud, and punish it God will, as certainty as you live, and just as certainly if ycu do hot live. I have known men betrothed to lovirg and good womanhood resigning their engagement. and the victim went down in nasty consumption, while siiddenly

the recreant man would go up the aisle of a church in brilliant bridal party, and the two promised “I will” with a solemnity that seemed assurance pt a lifetime happiness. But the simple fact was, that was the first act of a Shaksperean nlay entitled “Taming the Shrew.” Ho found out, when too late, that be had not married in’o the family of the “Graces,” but into the family of the “Furies” To the day of his death the murder of his first betrothed followed him.

The bible eztols one who “sweareth to bin own hurt and chaugeth not’ That is, when you make a promise keep it at ail hazards. There may be cases where deception has been used at the time of engagement, and extraordinary circumstances where the proiuise is not binding. But in nine hundred and ninety-nine cases out of a thousand enragement is as binding as marriage. Suppose a ship captain offer his services totake a ship out to sea, After he gets a little way he comes alongside of a . vessel with a more beautiful flag, and which has, perhaps, a richer cargo and is bound fora more attractive port Suppose he rings a beil for the engineer to slow up and the wheel stope. Now I see tho captain being lowered over the side of a vessel into a small boat and he crosses to the gayer and wealthier craft, and climbs up the sides and is seen wal king the bridge of the other ship. I pick up his resigned speaking trumpet and I shout through it “Captain, what does this mean? Did you not promise to take this ship to Southampton, EngJane?’’ “Yes,” says the captain’ “but 1 have changed my mind, and I have found 1 can do better, and 1 am going to take charge here. I shall send back to you all the letters I got while managing that ship and everything I got from vour ship, and it will be all right.” You tell me that; the worst fate for such a captain as that is too good for him. But it is just what a man or woman does who promises to take one through the voyage of life, across the ocean of earthly existence, and then breaks the promise. The sending back of all the ietters-and rings and necklaces and keepsakes can not make that right which is in the sight of God, and ought to be in the sight bi nisti, an everlasting wrong. What American society needs hr be taught is that betrothal is an act so solemn and tremendous that all men and women must stand back from it until thev are sure that is right, and suie that it is bes\ and sure that no retreat will be desired before that promise of lifetime companionship any amount of romance uiat vou wiso, any ardor of friendship, any coining and co: n't* Rh espuusaTTs ag>te. a golden gate, wl-ich one should nut p-ss unless he or she expects never' to return. Engagement i s th eporch of w hich marri age ia the cattle, and yon have no right in the porch if you do not mean to pass into the ca-stle. The trouble has alwavs been that this whole subject of affiance hat* been relegated to tbe realm of fnvcltv and joke and considered not wonh a sermon or even ss-r one paragraph. And so the ma-f. acre of human lives has gone on and the devil has had it. his o «n cruel way, gad what is mightily needed is «h»t

pulpit and platform and printing press all apeak a word of unmistakable and thunderous protest on this subject ni infinite importance. “But su ppoee Ishould maa e a mistake says some man or woman, “and I find it out after the engagement and before marriage?'* My answer is: you have no excuse for making a mistake on this subject. There are so many ways of finding ou| all about the character and preferences and dislikes and habits of a man or woman that if you have not brain enough to form a right judgment in regard to him or her, you are not so fit a candidate for the matrimonial altar as you are for an idiot asylum. Notice what society your especial friend prefers. whether he is industrious or lazy, whether sh* is neat or slatternly, what books aroread, what was the style of ancestry, noble or depraved, and if there he any unsolved mystery about the person under consideration postpone all promise until the mystery is solved. Jackson’s Hollow, Brooklyn, ' was a part of the city not built on for many vears, and every time I crossed it I said to myself or to others. Why is not this land built on? I found out afterward that the title to the land was in contro versy, and no one wanted to build there .until that question was decided. Afterward I understood the title was settled, and now buildings are going up all over it. Do not build your happiness for this world on a character, masculine or feminine, that has not a settled and un disputed title to honor and truth and sobriety and kindness and righteousness. 0 woman, vou have more need to pause before making such an important promise than man, because if you make a mis ake it is worse for you. If a man blunder about promise of marriage, .or go on to an unfortunate marriage, he can spend his evenings away, and can go to the club or the Republican or Democratic head quarters and absorb his mind in city or State or National elections, or .smoke himself stupid, or drink himself drunk. But there is no place of regular retreat for you, O woman, and you could not take narcotics or intoxicants and keep- your reepec lability. Before yon promise, pray and think and study and advise. There will never again in your earthly history be

a time when you so much need God. It seems to me that, the world ought to cast out from business credits and from good neighborhood those who boast of the number ot hearts they have won, as the Indian boasts of the num ber of scalps he h«3 taken. If a man will lie to a woman and a woman will lie to a man about so important a mat ter as that of a life-time’s ael faro, they will lie about a bill of goods and lie about finances and lie about anything. Bociety to day is brim full of gallants and man-milliners and carpet knights and coquettes and thoee most God forsaken of all wretches—flirts And they go about drawing-rooms and the parlors, and watering places,simpering and bowing and scraping and whispering, and then return to the club rooms if they be men, or to their special gatherings if they bs women, to chatter and giggle over what was said to them in confidence. Condign punishment is apt to come upon them and they get paid in their own coin. I could point you to a score whom society has let drop very hard in return for their base traffic in human hearts. As to such men they walk around in their celibacy, after their hair is streaked with gray, and pretending they are naturally short-sighted, when theireyesare so old in sin that they need the spectacles of a septuagenarian, an eye glass No. 8, and they think they are bewitching in their stride and overpowering in their glances, although they are simply laughing stock for all mankind. And if these base dealers in human hearts be females, they are leit after a while severely alone, striving in a very desparation of agony of cosmetics to get back to the attractiveness they had when they used to brag how many masculine affections they had slaughtered. Forsaken of God and honest men and good women are sure to be all such masculine and female' fritters with hu man and yet immortal affections. O man. O woman, having plighted your troth, stick to it! And here my idea widens, and 1 have to say not only to those who have made a mistake in sol enin promise of marriage, but to those who have already at tbe altar been pronounced one when they are two, or in diversity ol tastes and likes and dislikes are neither one nor two, but a dozen—make the best you canof an“awful nils take. And here let me answer letters that come from every State of the American Union, and irom across the sea, and are coming year after- year irom men and women who are terrific ally allianced and tied together in a hard knot, a very hard knot. The letters run something like ihii: •‘What ought I to do, my husband is a drunk ardi” “My wife is a ged about and will not stay at home.” "My companion is ignorant and hates bo .ks affiTTrevel in them.” “I like miific and a piano sets my husband crazy.” “1 am fond of social life and my companion is a re cluse.” “I am tiying to be good and my life-long associate is very bad. What shall I do?” My answer if, there are certain good reasons for divorcement. The Bible jecognises them. Good socie ty recognizes tnem. But it must be the very last resort, and only after all reasonable attempts at reclamation and adjustment have proved a dead failure. When such aitempa fail it is generally because of meddlesome outsiders, and women tell the wronged wife how she ought to stand on her rights, and men tell tbe wronged husband how he ought to stand on his rights. And let husband and wife in an unhappy marriage relation stand punctiliously on their rights; there will be nd readjustment, and onli one thing will be sure to them, and that is a hell on earth.

If y<>u are unhappily married, in most cases I advise you make the Lxst you can of an awful bad bargain.. Do not project pour peculiarities more than: is neceesiiry. Perhaps you will have some faults of your own which theother party in the marital alliance may have U* suf ier. kon are in the same yoke. If yen pul! yoke will oni'v twist votrr neck. Bitter pull ahead. 'The world ia lull of people wt'o make mistakes abom |,,aß y tilings. and among other things shout betrothal and marriage, and yet have been tolerabiydiar.py and" vOry_useiul in the strength of Ged and by the grace promised in every time of need if those who seek it co: q ier the disadvantageous circumstances. lam a. quainted with lovely women mart ed to con jernptibie men, and g-niai men yoked And yet under these disadvantages my friends are nefui and happy. God helps pt uple in outer kinds of mattnlnm. and

to sing in the same, and He will help yon in the life-long misfortune. , Remember the patience of Job. What a wife he had! At a time when he was one great blotch of eruptions and his property wan destroyed by a tornado, and, more than ail, bereavement had come and the poor man needed all wise cotiael, she advises him to go to cursing and swearing. She wanted him to poultice his boils with blasphemy. But o be lived right on through marital dis advantages, recovered his health and fortune and raised a splendid family, and the closing paragraph of the Book of Job has sneha jubilane 3 that I wonder people do not oftener read it. v-Now my badly-married friend of either sex, if Job could stand it by the help of God, then standit by the same divine reinforcement. Yon have other relations, oh, woman, beside the wifely relation. If you are a mother, train np your children- for Ged and heaven. If yon are a member of a church, help move on its enterprise. You can get so much of the grace of God in your heart that,all your home trials will seem insignificant. How little difference does it make what your unrighteous husband cails you if God calls yon his child and you are sn heiress of whole kingdoms beyond the sky? Immerse yourself in some kind of out side usefulness, something that will enlist your prayers, your sympathies, your hand, your needle, yonr voice. Get yonr heart on fire with love to God and disenthrallment of the human race, and the troubles of your home will be blotted out in the glory of your consecrated life. I cry out to you, 0 woman, as Paul eiclaims in his letter to the Corinthians: “What knoweet thou, 0 wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?” And if you can not save him you can help in the grander, mightier enterprise of ht-lo-ing save the world. Out of the awful mistake of your marriage rise into the 8 blitnest life of eels sacrifice for God and suffering humanity. Instead of set tling down to mope over your domestic woes, enlist your energies for the world’s i edemption. Now, what we want in this work of walling back the oceans of poverty and drunkenness and impurity aud tin is the help of more womanly and manly hands. Ob how the tides come in! Atlantic surge of sorrow, and the tern pests of human hate and Satanic Jury are in full cry. •, woman of many troubles, what are all th« feasts of worldly delight if they were offered you, compared with the opportunity of helping build and support barriers which sometimes seem giving way through man’s treachery and the world's assault? O woman, to the dikes! Bring prayer, bring tears, bring cheering words! Help! Help! And having done all, kneel with us on the quaking wall until the God of the wind and the sea shall hush the one and silence the other. To the dikes! sisters, mothers, wives, daughters of America, to the diket! The mightiest catholicon for all the wounds and wrongs of woman or man is complete absorption in the work to rescue others. Save some man, some woman, some child! In that effort you will forget or be helped to bear your awn trials, and in a little while God will take you up out of your disturbed and harrowing conjugal relation of earth into a heaven all the happier because of a preceding distress. When Queen Elizabeth of England was expiring it was arranged that the exact moment of her death should be signaled to the people by the dropping of a sapphire ring from a window into the hands of an officer, who carried it at the top of hfe Speed to King James of JBcotland. But your departure from the scene of your earthly woes, if you are ready to go, will not be the dropping of a sapphire to the ground, but the setting of a jewel in a King’s coronet. Blessed be His glorious name forever!