Rensselaer Republican, Volume 20, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 November 1887 — ROBINSON’S WIFE. [ARTICLE]

ROBINSON’S WIFE.

A Casiom Huu*a> Sketch. Naw York Graphic. “We were on our wedding trin, Mrs. Robinson and 1, in. the spring of 78— well, Mrs. Robinson doesn’t like me to say how long we have been married, but it is several years ago. At that time traveling in Europe was hedged about with many difficulties from which now it is, thank heaven, comparatively free. Passports were to be provided, and what not, and in short, it was the end and •bject of every petty principality—this was before ’66, and sovereign princes were as plenty as blackberries in midEurope—to make it as unpleasant as possible for any traveler not properly accredited to his or their serene Highsees. “However, this has little or nothing to do with my story, which relates exclusively to my experience with the Custom House officials, except it be to explain how ; everybody was suspicious •f everybody else, and where diamond cut diamond was the order of the day, thieves and adventurers generally passed the frontiers triumphant, while otherwise honest folk frequently paid the penalty of being caught in an occasional breach of th* moralities.

“Now my wife, like all her sex, had peculiar notions on the subject of contraband goods. She held —in common, I am bound to say, with many other wise Scrupulously honest folks—that Custom House officials were only invented for the annoyance “of travelers, and as such it was not only allowable but praiseworthy to sircumvent them in every possible way. “In short, it was a ease of all being fair in love or war. They were there to detect and prevent the passage of certain articles. It was obviously the duty of every right-minded person to resent this arbitrary conduct on their part by carrying from one couiitry toauother as many of the said articles, concealed more or less ingeniously upon their persons, as the nature of the case permitted. “1, on the contrary, not only had serious qualms as to the honesty of the proceeding in question, but being then, as now, of a naturally timid disposition I oonceived that the pleasure of evading the payment of a few dollars on a piece purchased by the anxiety which I should endure when I perceived the eye of a stern visaged official fixed upon me, and should politely be de ained on suspicion, and perhaps searched. ‘‘Even the tenor of this last appeal, to her reason failed to convince my wife. “ ‘I am sure no one would ever want to search me,’ she insisted. ‘And I really don’t see the harm.’ “To which I replied in the words of a well-known novelist that ‘I had never known but one woman who could un deretand reason and she wouldn’t listen to it.'

“Well, to make.a long~BTbry short, we argued the question out until both of us became quite warm, and I ended by absolutely forbidding my wife to carry anything of a contraband nature on her perso n. She made no rep Ij, and L. .f on d man, supposed the matter settled. I had only been married a few. months, and I had the most absurd ideas—as my wife will tell you—on the subject of duty anclobedienee, and so forth. You see I did not know the sex. “Me had a delightful run through Europe without any special disaster, and my wife's airoi injured innocenceexpressed in the most part in very indifferent French, but making up ifijex-' pression what it lacked in idiom—when asked to declare any articles, was~ positively “beyond description. “It was in Brussels, I think, that I read in one of the English papers of the arrest of French women at Dover charged with smuggling over a quantity of lace which they had wrapped around their persons under their clot hing, and which was only discovered on their being searched by the officials. “The writer added that a regular corps of female searchers had been added to the department, and that suspicious ■ characters were invited to step in and interview these ladies with a view to vindicating their appearance or failing under the tenure of the law. “I showed the paper to my wife, ~ whose only comment was, ‘More fools they.’ “I suppose she meant to express her" contempt for women who were foolish enough to look suspicious. I thought at the time she intended to convey her opinion of the folly of attempting to outwit her Most Gracious Majesty’s servants, and I felt relieved at the idea that my arguments had prevailed upon her at last. “Once more, Brown, old fellow, I showed my ignorance of the sex. My arguments had nad precisely the same weight upon her as tny commands. “Mrs. Robinson spent a good deal of

money in Brussels. Indeed, when on our way to Ostend I came to add up the amount I had given her during our short stay, I felt, I must confess, a little staggered to find how much. But it seemed a little early to allude to such mundane jmatters, and I held my peace, only considering what the dickens she had got to show for it all. “On the steamer, as in duty bound, Mqs. Robinson paid that tribute of respect which Father Neptune demands of the majority of those who venture upon his dominions. In a word, Mrs. Robinson was awfully seasick. And, I may add, not in the best of humor. And when, in asking for her keys, I confessed the hope that she had followed my wishes and abstained from bringing over anything dutiable in her trunks, she was very injured, and—tell it notin Gath - rather cross. “ ‘I think you might have more consideration, Henry; than to bother me st such a time. Let the wretches look for themselves. They’ll find nothing in my boxes, I can tell you.” “I went on deck again with the keys, and had plenty of time to get a littje out of temper myself by the time we reached the pier. Still, I should have been much appeased by the vision of my wife’s suffering,but to my astonishment, when she did arise up the companion ladder she was positively radiant. She had taken the utmost pains with her personal appearance, and managed, somehow, I never knew how—to fight down the least traces of her nausea. “She wap very cool, however, to me —reproachful and indignant. I thought, at my suggestions about the Custom House business. Iha 1 alluded once or twice to the female searcher arrangement, and that article in the Daily News was still running in my head. “She did not speak to me for some time, ate we stood watching the boat made fast to the pier, and when she did, her first words showed that I was right in my idea of what was in her mind. “‘Perhaps you think, Henry,’ she said, with a glance of ineffable scorn, that I look the sort of a person who is likely to be subjected to a personal search?’ “I don’t know what possessed me, but there flashed upon me all in a moment the idea of giving her a lesson. I determined that she should have such a fright as would effectually destroy for her any romance that still lingered around the smuggling business, and at the same time would enable me. to pose as the sagacious husband, who by a proper exercise of his authority had prevented her from being placed in a very serious position. “The idea would have flown as quickly as it came, had not my wife insisted on alluding to the subject again and again, and had she not displayed a most independent spirit when at last we stood upon the pier, declining my proffered arm with a toss of her head, and finally marching off by herself to a little distance, after giving me my instructions as to having the baggage properly packed again after being opened. “Just at that moment an official of some authority apparently passed close to me. I touched him on the arm. “ ‘Do you see that lady in the sealskin sacque and black satin bonnet over there?’ I said. ‘I don’t want to be mixed up in the matter myself, but I think it would be worth your while to look after her.’ “The man stared at me for a moment, then thanking me he disappeared in the direction of the main building. “I thought he had either ignored or forgotten about my trust, and, indeed, was rathercongratulating myself that he had done so, for I had already repented of my intentions of frightening my vrfe, when I saw an official step up to her, and politely touching his cap-sav a few words in a low tone. She lookbdsur"'prised, and glanced in my direct ionJjuT apparently not seeing me in the crowd, she followed the man into the Custom House. “Now she was in for it. I felt very sorry indeed for my wife.* I had hardly realized before what a very unpleasant operation it must be to be searched. ’ It was really a cruel thing of me to have subjected her to such an ordeal, even if she had been a little obstinate and annoying, and it was scarcely consoling to reflect that she wguld certainly never forgive me if she should by And chance discover that I was the author of her misfortune. On the whole, it hardly seemed quite as amusing as I expected it would be. “ ‘However, it was consoling to know that she had nothing upon her, and perhaps they would not trouble her very much after all, while it certainly would be rather a triumph for me. I would ask her with the utmost indifference of manner where she had been and what had kept her so4ong. Then if she were unhappy and distressed I would condole with her unmerited disaster, , and insinuate how fortunate it was that I had prevented the possibility of her having anything contraband upon her; what should we have done if she had, etc. If, on the contrary, she was disposed to brazen it out, I should have no scruples in exercising my undoubted right to ejaculate ‘I told yon so,’ with such additional self-congratulations as might suggest themselves, that I had not been fool enough to let her have her own way. “She was so long in returning that ! began to be a little alarmed. Several I ideas occurred to me. Perhaps she was

ashamed to face me. Perhaps she had been so overcome with the indignity to which she had been subjected that she might have fainted. “I became very persistent in my curiosity, and, forgetting mv fear of com promising myself in the matter, I rushed off toward the Custom House in search of her, “The great hall of the building was almost empty, most of the personages having got through their examination and departed whither they were bound I looked around in search of Mrs. Robinson, and at that moment I caught sight of the revenue officer to whom I had first pointed herout. “He came over to me with an expression of satisfaction on his face. “ ‘I can’t tell you how much obliged we are to you, sirj he began. ‘We haven’t had such a prise for some time. Two hundred pounds’ worth of lace at the very least calculation.’ “‘What?’l exclaimed, while a cold perspiration seemed to start out of every pore, ‘What? Do you mean that lady—- “ ‘Was an old hand, undoubtedly, sir. Why, she brazened it out till the end. Talked about writing to the Times, and her husband being an American of position, and all the rest of it. But Lor’ bless you sir, we knows ’em. I just turned her over to one of our ladies, and she found the lace wrapped round her body, just the same as a couple we nabbed here a fortnignt ago.’ “ ‘And the lady’—l found strength at last to stammer. “ ‘Oh, she’s safe enough in the jail by this lime, I reckon. The magistrate is sitting now, and my men just took her right over, and no doubt she will have been committed at once.’ ” ••♦ » » »

The rest of Robinson’s story was a little unintelligible, but I gathered from it that it took him a week’s hard work and all the influence he could command in London to rescue Mrs. Robinson from the consequences of her folly and his stupid practical joke. And I could easily understand, after hearing the tale, my friend’ei anxiety to have as little to do with customs officials as might be; and still better qould I appreciate Mr. Robinson’s ominous silence whenever the subject was mentioned, while the way in which she would purse up her lips on such occasions made me think that if she had had enough of smuggling, her husband had probably come to the same conclusion in respect to practical jokes. And I thought, too, that on the whole I would rather be a week in jail myself than be the means, however innocent, of causing Mrs. Robinson to undergo the experience; at least if I had to live with her any length of time afterward. And yet when I got home and told my wife the story her sympathies were all with the lady, and" she would not admit the justice of my “served her right.” , ... And now she is looking over my shoulder and insists upon my expressing my opinion that she would not have behaved like that, anyhow. And Ido not really believe she would. Adding, however, like a true woman. “But I think he was a brute all the same.”