Rensselaer Republican, Volume 20, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 November 1887 — Page 2

REMINISCENCE. ■What U ihat. mother!" "The rink, my ebßd; The year it was built all the people went wild. Theyarowded iu wallt, and to mnaie'a glad sound ’ ’ ' On furniture eastere they slid themselves round; But the fool-killer came with hie two handed 1 •Inb. Aad be emote all the sliders, from gray board to •üb; And the building so client is need, as you see. By the Mourners' Bmbaltning and Shroud Com- . pany." . —Robert J. Burdette.

ROBINSON’S WIFE.

A Casiom Huu*a> Sketch. Naw York Graphic. “We were on our wedding trin, Mrs. Robinson and 1, in. the spring of 78— well, Mrs. Robinson doesn’t like me to say how long we have been married, but it is several years ago. At that time traveling in Europe was hedged about with many difficulties from which now it is, thank heaven, comparatively free. Passports were to be provided, and what not, and in short, it was the end and •bject of every petty principality—this was before ’66, and sovereign princes were as plenty as blackberries in midEurope—to make it as unpleasant as possible for any traveler not properly accredited to his or their serene Highsees. “However, this has little or nothing to do with my story, which relates exclusively to my experience with the Custom House officials, except it be to explain how ; everybody was suspicious •f everybody else, and where diamond cut diamond was the order of the day, thieves and adventurers generally passed the frontiers triumphant, while otherwise honest folk frequently paid the penalty of being caught in an occasional breach of th* moralities.

“Now my wife, like all her sex, had peculiar notions on the subject of contraband goods. She held —in common, I am bound to say, with many other wise Scrupulously honest folks—that Custom House officials were only invented for the annoyance “of travelers, and as such it was not only allowable but praiseworthy to sircumvent them in every possible way. “In short, it was a ease of all being fair in love or war. They were there to detect and prevent the passage of certain articles. It was obviously the duty of every right-minded person to resent this arbitrary conduct on their part by carrying from one couiitry toauother as many of the said articles, concealed more or less ingeniously upon their persons, as the nature of the case permitted. “1, on the contrary, not only had serious qualms as to the honesty of the proceeding in question, but being then, as now, of a naturally timid disposition I oonceived that the pleasure of evading the payment of a few dollars on a piece purchased by the anxiety which I should endure when I perceived the eye of a stern visaged official fixed upon me, and should politely be de ained on suspicion, and perhaps searched. ‘‘Even the tenor of this last appeal, to her reason failed to convince my wife. “ ‘I am sure no one would ever want to search me,’ she insisted. ‘And I really don’t see the harm.’ “To which I replied in the words of a well-known novelist that ‘I had never known but one woman who could un deretand reason and she wouldn’t listen to it.'

“Well, to make.a long~BTbry short, we argued the question out until both of us became quite warm, and I ended by absolutely forbidding my wife to carry anything of a contraband nature on her perso n. She made no rep Ij, and L. .f on d man, supposed the matter settled. I had only been married a few. months, and I had the most absurd ideas—as my wife will tell you—on the subject of duty anclobedienee, and so forth. You see I did not know the sex. “Me had a delightful run through Europe without any special disaster, and my wife's airoi injured innocenceexpressed in the most part in very indifferent French, but making up ifijex-' pression what it lacked in idiom—when asked to declare any articles, was~ positively “beyond description. “It was in Brussels, I think, that I read in one of the English papers of the arrest of French women at Dover charged with smuggling over a quantity of lace which they had wrapped around their persons under their clot hing, and which was only discovered on their being searched by the officials. “The writer added that a regular corps of female searchers had been added to the department, and that suspicious ■ characters were invited to step in and interview these ladies with a view to vindicating their appearance or failing under the tenure of the law. “I showed the paper to my wife, ~ whose only comment was, ‘More fools they.’ “I suppose she meant to express her" contempt for women who were foolish enough to look suspicious. I thought at the time she intended to convey her opinion of the folly of attempting to outwit her Most Gracious Majesty’s servants, and I felt relieved at the idea that my arguments had prevailed upon her at last. “Once more, Brown, old fellow, I showed my ignorance of the sex. My arguments had nad precisely the same weight upon her as tny commands. “Mrs. Robinson spent a good deal of

money in Brussels. Indeed, when on our way to Ostend I came to add up the amount I had given her during our short stay, I felt, I must confess, a little staggered to find how much. But it seemed a little early to allude to such mundane jmatters, and I held my peace, only considering what the dickens she had got to show for it all. “On the steamer, as in duty bound, Mqs. Robinson paid that tribute of respect which Father Neptune demands of the majority of those who venture upon his dominions. In a word, Mrs. Robinson was awfully seasick. And, I may add, not in the best of humor. And when, in asking for her keys, I confessed the hope that she had followed my wishes and abstained from bringing over anything dutiable in her trunks, she was very injured, and—tell it notin Gath - rather cross. “ ‘I think you might have more consideration, Henry; than to bother me st such a time. Let the wretches look for themselves. They’ll find nothing in my boxes, I can tell you.” “I went on deck again with the keys, and had plenty of time to get a littje out of temper myself by the time we reached the pier. Still, I should have been much appeased by the vision of my wife’s suffering,but to my astonishment, when she did arise up the companion ladder she was positively radiant. She had taken the utmost pains with her personal appearance, and managed, somehow, I never knew how—to fight down the least traces of her nausea. “She wap very cool, however, to me —reproachful and indignant. I thought, at my suggestions about the Custom House business. Iha 1 alluded once or twice to the female searcher arrangement, and that article in the Daily News was still running in my head. “She did not speak to me for some time, ate we stood watching the boat made fast to the pier, and when she did, her first words showed that I was right in my idea of what was in her mind. “‘Perhaps you think, Henry,’ she said, with a glance of ineffable scorn, that I look the sort of a person who is likely to be subjected to a personal search?’ “I don’t know what possessed me, but there flashed upon me all in a moment the idea of giving her a lesson. I determined that she should have such a fright as would effectually destroy for her any romance that still lingered around the smuggling business, and at the same time would enable me. to pose as the sagacious husband, who by a proper exercise of his authority had prevented her from being placed in a very serious position. “The idea would have flown as quickly as it came, had not my wife insisted on alluding to the subject again and again, and had she not displayed a most independent spirit when at last we stood upon the pier, declining my proffered arm with a toss of her head, and finally marching off by herself to a little distance, after giving me my instructions as to having the baggage properly packed again after being opened. “Just at that moment an official of some authority apparently passed close to me. I touched him on the arm. “ ‘Do you see that lady in the sealskin sacque and black satin bonnet over there?’ I said. ‘I don’t want to be mixed up in the matter myself, but I think it would be worth your while to look after her.’ “The man stared at me for a moment, then thanking me he disappeared in the direction of the main building. “I thought he had either ignored or forgotten about my trust, and, indeed, was rathercongratulating myself that he had done so, for I had already repented of my intentions of frightening my vrfe, when I saw an official step up to her, and politely touching his cap-sav a few words in a low tone. She lookbdsur"'prised, and glanced in my direct ionJjuT apparently not seeing me in the crowd, she followed the man into the Custom House. “Now she was in for it. I felt very sorry indeed for my wife.* I had hardly realized before what a very unpleasant operation it must be to be searched. ’ It was really a cruel thing of me to have subjected her to such an ordeal, even if she had been a little obstinate and annoying, and it was scarcely consoling to reflect that she wguld certainly never forgive me if she should by And chance discover that I was the author of her misfortune. On the whole, it hardly seemed quite as amusing as I expected it would be. “ ‘However, it was consoling to know that she had nothing upon her, and perhaps they would not trouble her very much after all, while it certainly would be rather a triumph for me. I would ask her with the utmost indifference of manner where she had been and what had kept her so4ong. Then if she were unhappy and distressed I would condole with her unmerited disaster, , and insinuate how fortunate it was that I had prevented the possibility of her having anything contraband upon her; what should we have done if she had, etc. If, on the contrary, she was disposed to brazen it out, I should have no scruples in exercising my undoubted right to ejaculate ‘I told yon so,’ with such additional self-congratulations as might suggest themselves, that I had not been fool enough to let her have her own way. “She was so long in returning that ! began to be a little alarmed. Several I ideas occurred to me. Perhaps she was

ashamed to face me. Perhaps she had been so overcome with the indignity to which she had been subjected that she might have fainted. “I became very persistent in my curiosity, and, forgetting mv fear of com promising myself in the matter, I rushed off toward the Custom House in search of her, “The great hall of the building was almost empty, most of the personages having got through their examination and departed whither they were bound I looked around in search of Mrs. Robinson, and at that moment I caught sight of the revenue officer to whom I had first pointed herout. “He came over to me with an expression of satisfaction on his face. “ ‘I can’t tell you how much obliged we are to you, sirj he began. ‘We haven’t had such a prise for some time. Two hundred pounds’ worth of lace at the very least calculation.’ “‘What?’l exclaimed, while a cold perspiration seemed to start out of every pore, ‘What? Do you mean that lady—- “ ‘Was an old hand, undoubtedly, sir. Why, she brazened it out till the end. Talked about writing to the Times, and her husband being an American of position, and all the rest of it. But Lor’ bless you sir, we knows ’em. I just turned her over to one of our ladies, and she found the lace wrapped round her body, just the same as a couple we nabbed here a fortnignt ago.’ “ ‘And the lady’—l found strength at last to stammer. “ ‘Oh, she’s safe enough in the jail by this lime, I reckon. The magistrate is sitting now, and my men just took her right over, and no doubt she will have been committed at once.’ ” ••♦ » » »

The rest of Robinson’s story was a little unintelligible, but I gathered from it that it took him a week’s hard work and all the influence he could command in London to rescue Mrs. Robinson from the consequences of her folly and his stupid practical joke. And I could easily understand, after hearing the tale, my friend’ei anxiety to have as little to do with customs officials as might be; and still better qould I appreciate Mr. Robinson’s ominous silence whenever the subject was mentioned, while the way in which she would purse up her lips on such occasions made me think that if she had had enough of smuggling, her husband had probably come to the same conclusion in respect to practical jokes. And I thought, too, that on the whole I would rather be a week in jail myself than be the means, however innocent, of causing Mrs. Robinson to undergo the experience; at least if I had to live with her any length of time afterward. And yet when I got home and told my wife the story her sympathies were all with the lady, and" she would not admit the justice of my “served her right.” , ... And now she is looking over my shoulder and insists upon my expressing my opinion that she would not have behaved like that, anyhow. And Ido not really believe she would. Adding, however, like a true woman. “But I think he was a brute all the same.”

Homespun Hints.

A recent address Rev. Dr. Collyer to some college students has met with praise from the Norfolk Virginian, which says: Dr. Collyer, remarked that he had worked on a farm, carried a hod, shod horses, broke stone on a turnpike, reaped and cradeled grain, dug a well cut wood and preached sermons that nobody wanted to hear. His wonderful success had been achieved by puft grit and honest industry. You must dig down to hard pan, he said, to lay a foundation to fame and fortune. His aphorisms may be gnbuped as follows: Work is a good medicine. man's best friend are his ten fingers Society says one thing, and nature says another. Any kind of an honest job is better than no iob at/all. Take a dollar a day for your work if you can get no more. Have a reserve force that will eome out when you need it. The honest man who dies poor is rich if he only holds his own. Only those who make clean money and do clean things win success. A good day’s work at what you can best do is the hard-pan to which all must come. When country boys come to the" city jf they can only hold on to the old sweet ways, they can defy the world. - Sleep eight hours out of the twentyfour, eat three meals a day and walk on the sunny side of the way. Keep your grip on the hard-pan of principle of good conduct, and you will be men of good name and good fortune.

That Settled It.

Journal of Bducation. Two Chicago men once started on a wager to see who could tell the' biggest lie. One of them began: “A gentleman from St. Louis—” “Stop right I there,” said the other man, “and take your money. I can’t go ahead of that.” / _

ABOUT PUTING UP STOVES.

Now js the ttaewhen the husband ' • i ’ * —:— While bis Ught-bearted better half Ropk» in her Chair and does nothing But laugh, laugh, laugh. \ -Tid-Bitz.®

CHEWING TOBACCO.

A Bad American Practice Fast Becoming Obsolete. New York Somas aerial Advertiser. When Charles Dickens was first in America there was nothing that seemed to him so worthy of ridicule as the way Americans used tobacco. He never got tired of ringing the changes upon this theme. One who had never been in England and knew nothing of ’English habits would have supposed that Americans were the only people in the world whq chewed tobaccb. Times change and national habits change with them. We are no longer a nation of tobacco chewers. That manner of using the weed is gradually passing away. The habit will be as rare in a few years as snuff taking is now. Common observation shows this. Within the memory of very young men it used to be necessary to decorate every public place that was desired to be kept ■clean with admonitions to the tobacco chewer not to expectorate on the floor. There used to be a splendid opportunity in those admonitions for fine, caustic references to the bad habits of some people. “Gentleman will and others must use the spittoons,” with the “must” in all. the emphasis of six-line letters, was a common legend. “If your early training has not taught you that it is bad manners to spit on the floor, an officer of the boat will show you the use of the spittoon,” was the elaborate textthat once ornamented the gorgeous cabin of a Mississippi River steamboat. Brief plaintive appeals of the same general tenor were as frequently to be seen as are the warnings about smoking on the elevated platforms now. But in spite of warning and exhortation the bad practice went on. Perhaps the corridors of the national Capitol at Washington where about as bad in that respect as any place in the country, Oitiiens who were showing off the wonders of the place to foreign guests used to hurry through that portion of their excursion as fast as they could. Their haste, however, did not enable them to escape from many shamefaced apology for a practice that, to foreign eyes, was absolutely disgusting. For, although we were not the only nation in the world, by any means, which chewed tobacco, we were the only one

that permitted evidences of the habit to be seen in every public place. We are getting oyer that now howevery tobacconist recognises the great change that is taking place in what may be called in a rather new sense, the public taste. Any average tobacconist, whose trade is not chiefly among sailors and truckmen, will tell you he does not sell one-half as much chewing tobacco as he did ten years ago, and not onethird as much as he did twenty years ago. Very likely he will be liable‘to guess why it is; but he can’t deny the fact. I asked one of them about it the other day. He said: “The change is due to a varity of causes. It is a great deal more apparent here in the East than in the West and South, but it is going on all over the country. One thing is undoubtedly the strength of opinion that it is an uncleanly habit. It is hard for a man who chews to keep evidence of it from his clothes. That fact makes it inevitable that the habit should go down before the increasing attention to dress, that is a feature of modern' life. Then a great many refined and wellintentioned persons have waged war against it for years. It was inevitable that some effect should follow their crusade.

“But the principal causes are right here: There is a great deal more dyspepsia and stomach trouble in the country now than there used to be. And no person can chew tobacco who has a weak stomach. James Parton says in his famous pamphlet against rum and tobacco that the stomach will hold out against the weed longer than the lungs. James does not smoke or chew, and therefore he doesn’t know. Common experience shows that he is wrong, and doctors support the verdict oi common experience. The action of the tobacco juice, which trickles down the chewer’s throat, is to paralyze the action of the stomach. Ij will do that long before smoke will have any perceptible effect upon an ordinary pair of lungs. “Then the cigarette has done a great deal to put an end to the habit of chewing tobacco. The growth of the cigarette practice in this country is, as they say of Western towns, ‘phenomenal.’ The consumption of cigarettes has doubled many times over in the last fifteen years. About seven out of every ten' boys who are growing up now smoke cigarettes. And after a boy has smoked cigarettes a few years he not only has no taste for tobacco in any other form, but he has no constitution left to stand chewing tobacco. It is curious how boys will take to cigarettes. I believe it is very largely because of the fuss that is made about them. It has got to be the common opinion that cigarette smoking is the most injurious practice known. That is just why boys adopt it. It makes them an qbject of awful interest to other boys and to girls. It is soothing to a boy’s foolish pride to know that people have marked him out as one who is rushing with frightful temerity to early destruction. Whether that is

the cause of it or not, it is perfect]v certain that more and more cigaretes are being sold every year antHfit find lets' chewing tobacco.” 1 i t In the old days “befo, the wah,'”4hen the South set the fashion for the whole country, nearly every statesman used to chew. The chewers in Congress are rare now. With the exception of Speaker Carlisle and bluft old Philetus Sawyer there is scarcely a well-known man on either side of the House who is confirmed in the habit. When Belford, the gentleman from Colorado, who rejoiced in title of the “Red-head-ed Rooster of the Rockies,” and who could make more noise than any other three men in Washington, was in Congress, he used to chew incessantly. It is said that he did not cease the practice even when he slept., An astonishing report comes from Colorado that even Mr. Bedford has been caught by the wave of reformation, and has abjured the weed. In a recent letter to a friend in New York, he asserts that for six weeks he has solaced himself with arrow root and gum. People who have years preached a crusade against the tobacco habit may reflect upon this case and take heart. The sufferings which an inveterate tobacco chewer endures when he first deprives himself of his accustomed weed are popularly supposed to be something dreadful. Some old chewers say they are, and some say they are nothing that a resolute will and a clear head can not easily stand. They all agree, however, that to have som athing in the mouth to quiet the jumping veins, deprived of their usual tranquilizer, is desirable and pleasant. To supply this want somebody invented a plug of stuff to be chewed looking much like tobacco, and warranted to supply its place in every particular without injurious effects. "When it appeared the enemies of the chewing practice declared that there was now no reason why the most confirmed chewer in the world should not stop, since he had here the long-looked-for substitute. This seemed reasonable enough, and a good persons acted upon the suggestion, until it was found by an inquiring chemist one day that the remedy was worse than the disease. The substitute for chewing tobacco consisted of some harmless leaves, soaked in licorice, and then dressed with a tincture of opium.

Myra Clark Gaines.

kidianapolis Sentinel. Mrs. Myra Clark Gaines is dead, but her celebrated case still lives in the Supreme Court of the United States. She was one of the remarkable women of the age—indeed it would be difficult to find her superior in any age within the ealm of authentic history—as maid, wife, mother, widow, she may be tried by any test, and the more severe the ordeal, the brighter will sliine her womanly virtues and her mental endowments. SJhe established her legitimacy and rescued her own aud her mother’s name from shame. The wife of two men, both gentlemen of the highest character; the last the cbivalric General Gaines, she made it her life-work, not only to establish her legitimacy, which she triumphantly accomplished, but to obtain the property of her father, an immense estate in the very heart of the City of New Orleans, and this, too, she accomplished. The New Orleans courts gave he a judgment for $1,825,667, with interest on $950,110, at 5 per cent, from January, 1881, and costs amounting to $34,000. The City of New Orleans appealed the case to the Supreme Court of the United States, where it is now undergoing final investigation. The record of the case consists of seven volumes, containing 7,454 closely printed pages, and a volume of 123 pages, devoted exclusively to the index. It may not be that the heirs of this illustrious woman will obtain the “property; Be this as it may, the name of Myra Clark Gaines should serve Women’s rights women a valuable purpose when they are in want of historical woman as brave, as proud, as pure as that of any woman past or present.

The Problem of Domestic Service.

I. R Darii, iu Good Housekeeping. The problem of domestic service would be solved if the women of America would tfeat their hired girls in the same manner that men treat their hired help. It very frequently happens that a merchant retains his salesman in his employ for a long term of years. A banker is not changing his book-keeper or cashier every few months. The lady of the middle class thinks nothing of entertaining her husband’s book-keeper at dinner, and if the young man is genteel and worthy, she would not seriously ooject to him as an escort for her daughter to the opera. But she would not think of thus entertaining the accomplished young woman who does her housework faithfully, and she would feel outraged beyond measure if her son should pay her any social attention. How wide a social distinction is thus drawn between the hired woman and the hired man! Is it to be wondered at that the refined and sensitive gentlewoman who, by birth and the circumstances of life, possesses the very accomplishments so desirable in a good h posekeeper, and whose competent and intelligent service Would be the joy of her employer, shrinks from an occnpation which bars the doors of society against her and represses her worthy ambition?

CURRENCY.

eetroit Free Press. When trains are stove in they should have their stoves oat. A theater runs by means of its footlights, a locomotive by its headlight. Henry George thinks of starting a paper. That will settle his anti-poverty gains. The Osage Indians have $7,000,000 at interest. Wonder some white man haven’t made a raid on them. Who says that literary men are poor? The “literary feilers ' of London propose a $206,001 monument to Chas. Dickens. ‘ "'oea marriage change a man?” asks the ban Francisco Chronicle. It certainly taxes from him all the change he’s got “Trust companies” is the latest name for “corner” swindles. “Positivel no trust" should be the motto of this country. The Winnipeg Skandmaske Canadieneeserwon is in esteemed contemporary. We would say more about it if we could read it. Let’s all go to Dakota. You can go out in the fields in the forenoon and dig all the coal you want for winter. No coal rings or short weight there. Hlias Wayman, of York State, is 104 .years old, and has used tobacco for 94 years. He fears it will be the death of him yet if he cannot break off the habit. Charles Dickens says the pientres of American life printed by his father have become antiquated. They were a trifle antiquated at the time the brush was put on.

Five thousand shoemakers are on a strike in Philadelphia. More pay is where the shoe pinches. The men have staked their awl on the fight, and are sure to win if they keep pegging away. Flaherty, aged 67, and Mrs. Slater aged 58, of Wilkesbarre, Pa., eloped the other day. The two giddy young things were brought back by an officer. This is supposed to be the most aged elopement case on record. Hamlet spoke contemptuously about “words, words, words,” but all the same Robert Louis Stevenson has been offered, by a New York firm, $15,000 for a story of 75,000 words. Rob ought to work off Webster’s dictionary on them. That contains the number. A Chicago woman paid $lO for a napkin Mrs. Cleveland used. Doubtless the President’s wife would be glad to sell her own assortment for such a price. There is a precedent for it. Gladstone asks seventy-five cents each for the chips he cut on his farm.

Media county, Pa., finds that it costs $6.89 to convict a tramp and it thinks that is too expensive and would be glad to learn of some less costly way of getting rid of traveling gentlemen. Set a red-haired woman with a broom after em. No white horse could save them then. It is rumored that Joseph Pulitzer recently offered James Russell Lowell SIO,OOO a year to become literary editor of the World, but that Mr. Lowell declined. Morris Fox, of Danbury, Conn., is to be the youngest telegraph operator in the country. He is 12 years old, and he began work when only 9. Duncan C. Ross is no ‘ much a man as his name would seem to imply. He was born in Turkey and naturalized in this country. Mr. Gladstone has lately expressed himself in favor of some plan by which members of Parliament will receive salaries for their services. Seven United States Senators visited Europe in the past summer. , „ Palmer, Stockbridge, Halerye, Spooner, Aldrich and Hawley. The Rev. C. H. Spurgeon is laid to have declined an offer of $90,000 for 100 lectures, to be delivered in this country. Gobble is the name of the man with has g—, got hold of the postoffice at Pattonsville, Pa. Dr. Wm. A. Hammond says that there are 500 doctors in New York City more than are needed.

THE MAIDEN AND THE IOUTH. Sol Smith Russell’s ditties.] There was a maiden Loved a youth in The town that I wuz born in— Bom in; She wrote him by the evenin’ mail For to meet her in the mornin'. The mornin' came— No letter did— The postmaster forgot it— Got it; 'J 'A ; He note to her, But that ’ere note wuz not it Oh, cruel post mas- .. Ter to forget < That letter to deliver— Liver! Cried she: “My true love is false temeP; And she dashed into the nver. The young man he Did fade away ■ ■ And Lift off . playing skittlesrr... X Kittles; - He pined away for his own tn • !ora » And never ate no more vittlee