Rensselaer Republican, Volume 19, Number 51, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 August 1887 — CURRENCY. [ARTICLE]

CURRENCY.

Detroit Free Praw. < This will long be remembered as the “two collar a day summer,” to say nothing of “the creek down a feller’s back.” The King of the Sandwich Islands has lost nothing by the revolution. He can still draw his salary, which is the main point in the king business. The only reason why the tusks of 75,4)00 elephants are not used in this country each year is because all the billiard balls are now made of celluloid. The only men who are afraid of the new Jong range rifles are the army officers. The guns are apt to shoot over the fighting men and kill somebody in the rear. California is using coal ashes, cinders and water to make pressed brick, and they stand all tests as well as those made of clay. Those who carry bricks in their hate rather prefer them. A Rhode Island man called a woman “a snake in the grass” because she gossiped about him, and he had to pay a fine of thirty dollars and costs. The Rhode Island courts are evidently friendly to serpents. A man at Columbus, O , stood on the track to see how near he dared let the engine come to him. He hasn’t got any heel on one foot now, and whenever any one asks him what his feelings were he changes the subject. The theory that hot weather is prolific of suicides was not borne out last week. There were more cases in the first week in January than in the first week in August. It’s all according to when a feller’s girl goes back on him. If you want the. President to visit your own drop him a note of invitation signed by the leading citizens* He can visit every town in the country as well as not, and will probably be glad to examine the farms surrounding each place. President Taylor of the Mormon Chinch, was glad to die. He said that he had no further use for a country where the government set up a howl because a man wanted fifteen wives to cheer him down the path of time. A British sea captain says that whales are increasing in number so fast that accidents to ships from running into them will soon be of frequent occurence. A sailing ship under a five-knot breeze might as well strike a tree as an old bullwhale. When a Kentuckiaa sued a doctor for malpractice he didn’t suppose the physician could have any defense. He was therefore paralyzed when twenty-two doctors took the stand and swore they would have set the broken limb just exactly that way. J —L The ornithologists of this country are agreed that the English sparrow is a destructive nuisance, and that ten years hence he will cost America more than her dogs. Ten years hence the spiteful wretches will have driven the robins and the bluebirds from the land. A Wisconsin farmer who had used thirty-five balls of twine on his harvester bought only three balls at a time, and rode six miles to get them. Some one had told him that twine would be certain to drop a cent a ball, and he wanted the advantage of the decrease. Tn a church at Stamford, Conn., Ezra Williams was prevented from going up to ms squeaked. He has sued the trustees for damages, and perhaps it will now be decided whether squeaky boots are considered an abomination by the Lord.