Rensselaer Republican, Volume 19, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 July 1887 — HUMOROUS. [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS.

“The chinchbug eats the farmer’s grain,. The bee-moth spoils hie honey, The bedbug fills him full of pain, T he humbug scoops his money.” Teacher—The wisest man that ever lived said: “There is 'nothing new under the sun.” Little boy (enthusiastically)—But I’ll bet they never had a baby at his house!— New York Ledger. Airs. De Bare—“ Don’t you think,., dear, that there is more individuality in female dress now than formerly?” Mr. pe Bare —“Yes, dear. There is less dress and more individual."— Texas Ulf tings. “What are you laughing at, iny dear?” asked Mrs.' Jones of her husband, who was chuckling over his-_ newspaper. “Something I just struck here,” he replied, “but it is hardly funny enough for two.” Omaha girl—“O! O!” Chicago girl. —“What's the matter?" “That man winked at me.”’ “That handsome man over there?” “Yes, the brute.” “Brute! I should say he was a brute. He didn't even look at me.”— Omaha World. Omaha wife—What has become of your friend, Fireater? Omaha husband—He is still doing editorial work, but is no longer able to hold a pen, and does all his writing by dictation. “Does he dictate to his daughter or his wife?” “To his daughter, of course.’’ —Omaha World. A Missouri girl waved her hand at a stranger and in three days they were married. It is not often that retribution follows closely upon the wake of a naughtiness; but in this instance it will probably be generally admitted that the punishment fits the crime.— Boston Transcript. Tommy—“ Does your mother allow you to kiss the nurse girl?" Johnny—“O, I guess she don’t care. Does yours?" Tommy —“I don’t think she does. I never asked her, but you’d a died to hear lay down the law to pa when she saw him do it one day, an’ she letshim do lots o T things ’she wouldn't let me.” — Pittsburg Dispatch. Court officer (to Queen Victoria)— There’s an Hamerican gent houtside as what wants to see your Majesty. The Queen—lt’s Air. Phelps, I suppose. Tell him I’ve gone over tp tne Tower to see if the Kohinoor is all right. Court officer—lt’s not Air. Phelps; it’s Buffalo Bill. The Queen — O, show him in at once.— New York Hun. The son of a butcher had great difficulty in fractions, although his teacher did his very best. ‘-Now let us suppose,” said the teacher, “that a customer came to your father to buy five pounds of meat, and your father had only four pounds to sell—what would he do’.-” -Keep his hand on the meat while he was weighing it.” was the candid answer. — Philadelphia Call. “I don't see how you can think of all these interesting things to write about,” said a subscriber to the editor of a country weekly, whose paper is zinc-plated on all four sides. “Don’t , you get tired sometimes mentally? ’ “Oh, yes, of course, replied the editor, assuming a careworn look, biit.tb a man who loves his profession ak I love mine mere mental weariness is nothing.—Exchange. ' Aliss Gu^iii^fon— Do you go to the mountains or the shore this summer, Fogg -Well, really I tnought much about it, but I shall most likely go to the mountains as usual. Aliss Gushington—Oh, I should think you’d rather go to the beach. Do you know that I think the sea-beach is perfect paradise? Fogg A’es, the style of dressing at the beach does remind one of old fashions prevalent in Paradise. — Boston Transcript.