Rensselaer Republican, Volume 19, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 October 1886 — Soaking a Sucker. [ARTICLE]

Soaking a Sucker.

The readers of our paper will probably remember a trick reported in these columns last summer, which the boys

played on a sucker that was hungry for beer. Briefly, it was this: The boys got him in the upper story of John Watts’ blacksmith shop and induced him to suck the nozzle of a hose thrust through a hole in the partition wall, the lower end of said hose being attached to the force pump worked by two men. The result was that the force of the water knocked the greeny’s front teeth out, punched a hole in liis diaphragm, and soaked his liver with water until it dripped like a sponge. In fact he was soaked so thoroughly with wetness that he was afterward taken into full communion with the Baptist church without the formality of immersion, the minister stating that the man’s system could not possibly bear another drop of water. Well, a bigger fool than the aforemen-tioned-greeny”stepped into George I’tiller's grocery store last Monday. Ho was a bigger fool simply because lie had had better opportunities to be a fool, and had improved those opportunities to the best of his abilities. He was born a fool, and had cultivated that talent assidi- ; ously. Some mqn give up in despair

when they discover that they haven’t any but this fool persevered until he bore the proud distinction of being the blamdest fool in town. So the boys concluded that they would wet the fool down to prevent him from drying fast to his bones, and right thoroughly did they succeed. “ When the fool entered the - store befound Joe R. Burres, County Superintendent of schools, fooling with a common tin funnel. Joe had a largo crowd around him wateliing Iris mancenvefs. The funnel had its nozzle inserted between the waistband of liis trousers and his —er —er— his undergarment. He threw hack his head and placed a coin on his forehead, and then, bringing his - head forward, tried to make the coin drop into the large end of the funnel, only succeeding one time in live in doing so. The fool watched Joe’s awkwardness until lie thought lio could drop the coin into the funnel at least three times out of five, and Joe offered to bet the- cigars that he couldn’t do it. The fool took the bet, inserted the funnel between” his empty stomach and his waistband, balanced the coin on his forehead, and received a pint of cold water that Joe poured into the funnel. Of course everybody but the fool laughed. His teeth chattered toh much to indulge in tlie cachinations of the roaring spectators. The fopj had just dried apples, and he feareiL that |lie water would make them swell and burst his only pair of pantaloons. But, <?h, that water! How cold it was! There the fool stood, rubbing the wet places (he was wet from his waist-to his toes) and grinning, while — But why dwell on the scene? Header, dp you want to know tho name of the man, who was fool enough to “bite" at Bu<*h a = simpl« trick es we have endeavored to describe in the foregoing article ? \VeLH an ediiut-dis-dikea to confess that he is a fool, but-, we “acknowledge the corn,” or, rather, the funnel and water. —Neumian Independent. . Conical crowns, flattened at the sides and tilted forward, are The feature in fall hats.