Rensselaer Republican, Volume 18, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 July 1886 — Squire Hobbs’ Filosofy. [ARTICLE]

Squire Hobbs’ Filosofy.

Matrimony am de konnektin’ link atwene heaben an’ yeath. Faim, lik lightnin’ generly strikes er man hoe am not expektin’ it. Nebber tel a secret ter ennybody Loo am egerly inkwizitiv ter no it. An opinyun am no mo desisiv dan an argiment, an’ generly ob mo’ walue. Originality am de fakolty ob adaptin’ an ole ideah tu er nu okkashun. It am diffikult to deterinin wich am de harden’ ter set a hen er an egzampie. ’Umor am de atmusfear charged wid ’Jektricity, but wit am de flash ob lightnin’. i——. —- ...... _ Dar am sum tings hardah ter keep dan aNu Yeah’s oth. An umbrelly, fo’ instans. Yo’ kin ’mos’ alwaz judg ob a man’s finanshal sukscss in bizness by de kondisliun ob hiz hat. W’en I meat a dood I’m in a ’ kwandary weddah I ortcr raze my hat an’ salute de dood or hiz kane. W’en ennybody axes your opinyun qb dar own efforts, be sbuah to praze dem er dey wil be disapjiinted. A man’s grateness am mezured not so much by de posishun he okkupize az by de pint at wich he am aimin’. Sinserity am such a bashful chile dat wen she kan’t fin’ enny odder hidin’ place she wil hide behin’ herself. Statisticks sho dat Urope haz almos’ five milyun mo’ wimmen dan men. Dis am one pint in fabbor of poliggamy. ’Peers ter me de Lawd mak’s er pow’rful lot ob peple in ordeh ter git er few dat-am kapable ob ’tendin’ to hiz bizness. Argument wil pul er wize man doun ter de lebel ob er fool, but it nebber razes de fool up ter de plane ob de wize man.

Klose obzerwashun ob soshal lif hyar on dis yearth leads me to de konklushun dat heabeh wil hab tree wimmen ter ebery man. * De man dat spits on his han’s an’ grabs Okkashun by de tale, an’ whisks de annimalroun’ in de road ter Sukseas, alwayz gits dar, Eli. Lif am lik a publik rod. Sum plases it runs ’long nise an’ smoev, an’ odder plases am ful ob chuk-holes. De man hoo nebber gits in er chuk-hole, had bettah terh up his bosses er little, fo’ hiz waggin haz sortinly stopped. Yo’ kin tawk ’bout’yo eddikated wimmen, but gib me de ’oman dat am chock ful ob hart an’ I doan’ kar a pikayune wedder she kin sing a Latin paradim, kwote Greak, an’ differnsheate de roots ob a kwadrattik ekwashun er not. It am poah konsolashun tu er ded man fo’ tardy remorse ter dekorate hiz grav wid a big fin -monument and purty flours, oben es de flours am wattered wid teers. De repentans orter a kum er little mo’ prebions, whil he war kapable ob appreshiatin’ it. . Es sum genius wil in went er karpet dat wil pul itsef up in de spring time, go out in de bak yard an’ shak itsef, an’ den kum bak an’ tac itsef doun, he kin maker forchun outen it, besids doin’ er monsfrus site ob mishunary wurk towards savin’ soles, — Ch icago Ledger.