Rensselaer Republican, Volume 18, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 February 1886 — Wanted Badly. [ARTICLE]

Wanted Badly.

We are particularly anxious to find either of the following articles. We have searched in vain for them for years, and if any of our readers can aid ns we shall feel under considerable obligation: We want to see a pair of ladies’ shoes that are not “much too big. ” A good newspaper article that was not—struck off in a hurry.” A clown or end-man’s joke less than forty years old. A newspaper that is not the “best advertising medium in the country,” or one that has not the “largest circulation in the city.” Anything advertised three weeks before Christmas that is not “suitable for holiday presents.” A-didn’t-know-it-was-loaded gun that never killed anybody. A political Btump speaker that never abused the opposition candidates. The young lady that can pass a plate-glass window without turning her head just to see I how she looks. A politician that does not want office. A Congressman who keeps his promise. A newspaper man who refuses to drink. The man who abuses a good paper who doesn’t read it on the sly. The liberal advertising man who doesn’t make money, A defeated candidate who doesn’t complain of bribery and corruption. The cattle man who isn’t described in p5iP sonals as the cattle king. The local reporter who doesn’t think he “scoops” his. rival, and above all the man who doesn’t think he can run any paper, better than its editor. —Texas Figaro,