Rensselaer Republican, Volume 18, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 December 1885 — The Lime-Kiln Club. [ARTICLE]

The Lime-Kiln Club.

t Just previous to the opening of the meeting, and about the time Brother Gardner struck the lower step, on bis way up stairs, Whalebone Howker intimated that Skinner Johnson was a liar. The two had been disputing as to whether this would be a hard winter or an open one, and Brother Howker lost bis temper. '1 he expression mentioned had scarcely passed his lips when something hit him and he fell over two stools and he lay down on the floor to rest. He was still lying there as Brother Gardner came, in, and he did not reach his seat until the triangle sounded and the meeting opened. ' i BEFORE THE BAR. “If Brudders Howker an’ Johnson nm in de hall dis eviu’ dev will please ate]) dis way,” observed the President as lie turned liis glance down the hall. They happened to be present, and th ey Avalked down the aisle like men who had but ten minutes to live. “Brudder Johnson, how did dis affair come about?” asked the President. "Well, sail, I remarked dat I ’spected to see a werry milq winter. Brudder Howker at once remarked dat he ’spected to see de coldest winter fur twenty-live y’ars. I said I nebber saw sicli thin co'n-husks. He said he nebber saAV ’em so thick. He articulated dat I was a liar." “Brudder Howker, am Jis k'rect?” asked the President. “Dat’s about what Ave said, sail.” “And a knock-down followed—a fight in dis hall, dedicated to peace, harmony, and good-will! It kin be justly characterised as de crownin’ outrage of de nineteeth century.” “I’ze dun sorry, sail,” said Brother Howker.

“An’Tze dun mo’ sorry, sah,.” added Brother Johnson. “Bein’ sorry nebber mended a broken window or fixed up a broken gate,” replied the President. “In de lust place, Brudder Johnson had no sort o’ bizness gabbin’ ’bout de weather. It was none o’ his bizness wheder we hav nn open winter or a hard one. In de nex’ place, Brudder Howker had no bizness wid do weather to begiD wid, an’ no sort o ! bizness to call a man a liar to eand up wid. You have both laid yerselves liable to expulshun, but as you am ole members, an’ dis will probably bo a.great moral lesson to you, I shall content myself wid imposin’ a fine. De verdict am dat Brudder Johnson am fined SII,OOO, an’ Brudder Howker am fined $17,000. You kin re: turn to your seats an’ figger out how long it will take you to save de respective amounts out of your respective incomes.”-- M. Quad. hot Good Judges of Shawls. Hanging in a dry goods firm’s window were some elegant cashmere shawls. There is nothing more misleading, perhaps, than a cashmere shawl, but the ordinary lady purchaser prides herself on what she knows about such things. Recently two ladies entered the store and asked to look at the shawls. They were produced and displayed to the ladies, who pulled at them and pi'-ked at them, and discussed them, and finally turned aside with an air of indifference, as if they had found no merit in them. The obliging lady clerk had become interested in their examination, and, as the ladies were about to turn away, she asked what they thought of the shawls. One of the women only spoke up. She stuck her long forefinger under one of the shawls and, pulling it again, replied: “O, nothing much. I saw the shawls in the window; that was aIL I thought then that they were pretty cheap at $2, but I don’t want ’em.” The tag on the goods might have misled them, and perhaps the outward appearance of the rich fabric of the shawls might have aided in the deception. The tag was marked S2OO, instead of $2. The clerk explained the difference to her customers. Both of them, it is said, looked as though they would like to have the roof faH on them.—Lewiston Journal.