Rensselaer Republican, Volume 18, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 November 1885 — The Wisdom of Josh Billings. [ARTICLE]

The Wisdom of Josh Billings.

To learn yure ofispring to steal, make them beg hard for all that you give them. Tew remove grease from a man’s karakter, let him strike some sudden ile. Angels handle the dice when doublets are thrown in the cradle. Flattery is like cologne water, tew be smelt ov, not swallered. If a man hain’t got a well-balanced head. I like tew see him part his hair in the middle. There is only one good substitute for the endearments ov a sister, and that is the endearments of some other phellow’s sister. , Piety iz like beans; it seems to do the best on poor sile. Going to law iz like skinning a new milk cow for her hide, and give the beef tew the lawyers. About the hardest thing a phellow kan do iz tew spark tew girls at onst,. and preserve a good average. I had rather undertake tew be two good doves than one decent sarpent. A good wife iz a sweet smile from heaven. A lie iz like a kat; it never cums tew you in a straight line. — Farmers’ Almanac.