Rensselaer Republican, Volume 18, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 October 1885 — He Had Ears, But Heard Not. [ARTICLE]

He Had Ears, But Heard Not.

“One day last fall,” said Mockabee, “I was trying to find a man with a peculiar name, who lived on the southern feather-edge of town, where the houses are scattering. I inquired at several places, but nobody could give me any information as to where the man lived. Finally I came upon a carpenter shop, and went in to try my luck there. An old round-shouldered man, with a bristly beard and a watery eye, was planing away at a board, with his back toward me as I entered. I spoke to him, but he went on with his work and didn’t look around. I spoke louder, and then I yelled, but he kept right on slicing off the shavings, and I had to go up and put my hand on his arm before I could attract his attention. “ ‘Do you know a man in this neighborhood by the name of Heiracker?’ says I. “The old man reached under his bench and pulled out a rough wood box, about six inches square and some three feet long, with five or six feet of rubber hose attached to it. He turned the box upside down and shook out a lot of shavings and sawdust, and then he set it on the floor, and, putting the end of the hose to his ear, he sat down on a trussle to have a comfortable chat, as I thought, looked up as bland as a young girl with her first beau, and, pointing to the concern, he said: “ ‘You talk in the box; you talk in the box.’ “I put my face into the top of the contrivance and yelled with all the power in me: “ ‘Do you know a man by the name Of H-e-l-racker?” “The old man dropped the hose as though it had instantly become red-hot, and gavd me an injured, ruffled sort of a look for as much as fifteen seconds, and then he said, with a voice that seemed to snap every word in two and pieces at me, as he picked up his plane again: “‘I don’t believe in a hell, and I’m down on any man that upholds the doctrine.’ “I motioned to him to try it again, and then I braced my feet, filled up my lungs, and determined to get a little air through his skull this time, or burst a blood vessel. “ ‘Do you know a man by the name of Hel-r-a-c-k-e-r ?’ I shouted. “The old fossil’s face relaxed with a quizzical grin that came tout and drove away the indignant look of a moment before, as he pulled out a plug of tobacco and passed it over to me, saying: “ ‘lt’s nothing extra, but the best I’ve got. Blamed if I didn’t think you was a track peddler. Fine day, ain’t it? Eh ?’. And back went the hose to his ear again. “Once more I braced myself and fired in a yell that made the dust fly: “ ‘Your box don’t work right. What’s the matter ?’ “Again he dropped the hose instantly, pulled up his pantaloons and showed me a sore on his leg. “ ‘The end of a j’ist fell on it more’n two months ago,’ said the old mudsill, with much impressiveness. ‘An’ I guess, by the way it keeps getherin’ an’ goin’ from bad to wus, some of the bones was shivered. Eh ? Hurt ? Well, you’re snortin’; hurts like all gosh, an’ some nights I jest can’t sleep a wink. Eh?’ And again he clapped the hose to the side of his head. “I knew it was a waste of breath, but I was fool enough to try it again, and with every muscle at a high tension I squared myself, buried my face in the box, pulled my coat around close to stop the cracks, and gave him a blast that sounded like muffled thunder and seemed to shake the building: “ ‘ It’s no use. You couldn’t hear an artillery salvo.’ “ ‘ Yes, yes; certainly. I’ll show it to you. I forgot all about it’ And I hope to be scorched if the old fool didn’t go down into his tool chest and dig out a box of salve that he used on his sore leg, and then he' took off the lid, smelled of it, held it under my nose, and told me all about how it was tnade. I couldn’t stand any more, and left in a hurry. As I started off he came to the door and hollered after me to drop in any time; that it was a real pleasure to chat with a sociable person who could make him hear, and took so much interest in his lameness. There’s one of two things certain. His ears had either grown up entirely, or else he didn’t get more than about half the sawdust out of that box, for I know I yelled loud enough to explode dynamite. ” Chicago Ledger.