Rensselaer Republican, Volume 18, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 October 1885 — The Language of Umbrellas. [ARTICLE]

The Language of Umbrellas.

There is a language of umbrellas as well as of flowers.; For instance, place your umbrella in a rack and it "will indicate that it will change owners. To open it quickly in the street means that somebody’s eyes are going to be put out; to shut it,that a hat or two is to be knocked off. An umbrella carried over a woman, When the man is getting nothing but the drippings of the rain, signifies courting. When the man has the umbrella and the woman the drippings, it indicates marriage. To punch your umbrella into a person and then open it means “I dislike you.” To swing your umbrella over your head signifies “I am making a nuisance of myself.” To trail your umbrella along, the foot path means that the man behind you is

thirsting for your blood. To carry it at right angles and' under your arm signifies “Exchange is no robbery.” To purchase an umbrella means “I am not smart, but honest.” To lend an umbrella indicates “1 am a fool.” t To return an umbrella means —well, never mind what it means, nobody ever does that ? To turn an umbrella in a gust of wind profanity. To carry your umbrella in a case signifies it is a shabby one. To carry an umbrella just high enough to tear out men’s eyes and knock off men’s hats signifies “I am a woman.” To press an umbrella on your friend, saying: “O, do take it; I had much rather you would than not?” signifies lying. To give a friend half of your umbrella means that both of you will get wet. To cairy it from home in the morning means that “it will clear off.”— New Orleans States.