Rensselaer Republican, Volume 17, Number 47, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 July 1885 — Why He Married Her. [ARTICLE]

Why He Married Her.

Several years ago I was in Sioux City, lowa, where a funny incident came tb my notice. There was a sim-ple-minded fellow who did chores for John McDonald, the Sheriff, and the boys were continually teasing him about getting married. One morning he fired up and told them that he could get married as well as any of them. The next day he was missing. He had gone to Elk Point, a village in Dakota, and when he returned he brought a wife, one that was wonderful to behold. She looked as though she had been through a railroad smash-up, a cyclone, and an earthquake. We all went down to his mother’s to see the fun, and fun it was. She raised a terrible row. “What did you want to marry that crippled thing for ? She’s got false teeth, hain’t she?” the old lady screamed. “Yes, ma.” “An’ false hair?” “Yes, ma.” “Glass eve?” “Yes, ma.” “Cork leg?” “Yes, ma.” “Humpbacked ?” “Yes, ma.” “Well, for heaven’s sake, what did you do it for ?” “Well, ma, yon see there’s so little of her left that it won’t be much post to keep her,” replied the poor fellow, sniveling. I felt sorry for him, for the biggest part of her was left— her tongue.—Brooklyn Times.