Rensselaer Republican, Volume 17, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 July 1885 — Gabriel’s Horn a Duck Trap. [ARTICLE]

Gabriel’s Horn a Duck Trap.

Several years ago Dr. Gimp fell a victim to that nefarious heresy called Second Adventism, which Parson Jock thinks clears a man’s title to a mansion in the insane asylum. Not far from the back of his kitchen he built a platform some twenty feet high and capable of holding his entire family. Here they were to gather and prepare to ascend when Gabriel blew his horn. But Gabriel didn’t come, and Mrs. Gimp dried apples on the platform all summe'. In the fall, Gimp, thinking to help things along, made a big tin horn about ten foot long and four feet across at the big end. He polished the inside of it till it was bright, painted the outside green, and hung it in a big tree over the platform. Gabriel didn’t blow, however, and in the spring, when the wild ducks commenced to fly north, Gimp rigged up a tallow dip, and, pointing the big end of the horn due south, set the lighted dip in the little end. Then he sighted the durn thing till it pointed straight at his back kitchen window. The streak of light that shot out of the big end of that horn looked like an aurora borealis; it was a roarer and no mistake. Presently a lot of ducks came along. Now, there’s been a great deal in the papers about how fast ducks fly. They don’t fly a durn bit faster than drakes and that’s why some people make ducks and drakes of their money. First thing Gimp knew a duck flew into his horn and went like a shot through the kitchen window. The duck was flying so fast that it didn’t burn himself or put out the light, either, but he fell inside with a dull thud. One hundred and thirty-seven ducks went through that horn —nineteen of them canvasbacks. Every time a canvasback would go through the horn would give a loud toot, and Gimp would wake up and screech, “Gabriel, by gum!” Then he’d go into the kitchen and find it was only another duck. You see what made the horn blow was the scraping of the canvas on the ducks’ backs.— -Hoxawottamie Herald.