Rensselaer Republican, Volume 17, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 July 1885 — Page 2

O NDGUTI 6 NIGHT. How bright Jehovah's carpet! Spto*v*Mhowr: Complete wth glorr—all »hy Mtj&jr Way Pulsing eternity! Msn upward He looks, and upward alma; ar.d ca t»-*j ed tteaits That sleep not, have thy goiden deep for dreams! Lol most mlserab eof the fl t «sh. . Proclaim with.n me thobbiujrs es the light Prom yen ter star*. For I tare something Jealously sen ine'M. and leashed with heartst imrs ... . • Wh cb, when the heavens throw the-r porta-s wide, , j . . To pay thee. Night, thy ceremonial, Pe.-rr ’orth on eac > familiar ga axy. As f those t>e» con? hurt ed for its re urn. i And as I lav my head at rest, each « ve, Thtne of'.-r.'currlnjr ni in.tase to olev, O Night! 1 feel toy prisoner more glad. More con dnt of h.s release. Alas! ■Why break’ my soul so quickly from my kiep? 1, Why yearns, a’as, my body for mr soul! Alas why docs my quivering form telle j Its wietched doom wh n I up=end rn i eeyesl O Night! forgive my corp r..t de.lght! Forgive my bodv’sinvy ol my sour! Make my peer flesh and blood like calm-eyed beast's. And let me have thy golden deep for dreams. —Ahn McGovern, in the Current.

LIVING AND DYING. John Smith was eke a goodly man As ever lived on earth— The wer d admired and loudly praised His truly pious worth; His life was full of chrr ity And free from sinful pride— Bui scarce had l.ved to thirty-four, When one ca m < ventide _ A mute kicked at him plavfully. And Sm,th soon at'.er died. John Brown, a knave otdeepest hue. Dwelt in the self same tow n A grosser; meaner vi er scamp There never lived than Brown. He cursed, he swore, he smoked, he chewed, He even keno playOd, And down in Texas years ago They say a man he slaye Te*. he lived on contentedly Ar.dlots of money made. Till, th ally, agrayhaired man, J. hn Brown ay down to die - His wife and eht (Iron gathered round— A preacher in' erintr nigh— The only token of his death A quiet, gentle sigh. We’d like to live as did old Smith, ' Revered by all the town — =" But when it conn 8 to dying, we’d Pi est r to die like Brown.

CAPTURED BY CANNIBALS.

BY THOMAS W. KNOX.

dart i. In many ways the world is rapidly becoming prosaic. The age of.chivalry was gone long ago, if we may believe a celebrated writer; steam lias destroyed the romance of the sea; the mystery of the unexplored regions of Africa exists no longer; the maelstrom is a myth; the sources of the nile have been visited and described, and even the sea-serpent has fallen before the searching gaze of the star-eyed science. The Car of Juggernaut, which once crushed hundreds of victims in its annual precessions, now remains harmless in its temple; the cremation of living widows at the sides of their dead hus bands is rigidly prohibited through the length and breadth of India; and the King of Uganda can to-day receive a distinguished visitor without slaughtering a dozen countries in his honor. The horrible fascination that clings to the cannibal and the storyof his performances is greatly circumscribed, as the labors of missionaries and the spread of commerce have demonstrated that man can be put to better uses than to be served up for provisions. But the cannibal still lingers in some parts of the world, though he is only to be found by those who seek him with great diligence.

Within the memory of those of ns who have not yet passed beyond middle life the inhabitants of the Feejee Islands were noted for their habit of devouring the bodies of their enemies, and also, under certain circumstances, those of their friends; since missionaries and merchants were established there, and the Island became subject to Great Britain, the British prejudices have prevailed, and tbepraetiee is now confined to a few benighted tribes of the interior. When the missionaries began their teachings the natives gave ready approval to the Scriptural injunction,* “love your enemies,” but they were disappointed to learn that it had no reference to the lovo of a gourmet for a can-vas-back d&ek- Tanoa, the old ruler of the Feejees, and father of the laie King Thakomban, had a palate so delicate that he could distinguish between the English sailor or the French one when served at the table, and he could even name the people of the different islands of the Feejees group when a slice of each was placed before him. An acquaintance of mine claims to have had a narrow escape from being the piece de resistance at one of Tanoa’s banquets, and of being taken to and into the royal bosom. He told me the story one day when we were sailing over the Pacific, and wondering if the good old times of the cannibals would ever come again. "I was on a whale ship,” said he, “that was cruising in the South Pacific and had put into the Feejees for water. The ship was old and leaky, the captain was a tyrant, the mate a brute, and every sailor on the ship was ready to desert at the first opportunity. We had a chance to go into one of the groups where there were no cannibals, but the captain knew that if he did there wouldn’t be a man of us left. His only hope of holding on to a crew was by having them choose between the Bhip and the natives who would eat them up. The most frightful stories were told about the practices of the people, and not one of us would venture a yard from the beach where we landed to get water. We kept the natives at distance, and made them understand that while we would leave plenty of trinkets and old hoops on the shore to pay for the water, we wouldn’t go near the liftle creek on the beach unless they staid a good way off from it They had no canoes, and bo they didn’t bother us by trying to get on board. "One afternoon a party of us had gone ashore to fill the last of the casks; the mate was with ns and it was one of his ugliest days, for he kicked ns about as though we had no more feeling than the boat or the ground we stood on. Because I didn’t please him about something he struck me with an oar, and then I struck back with my fist and downed him. Tba rest of the men pulled me off, but they didn’t pull very hard, as they were all right glad to see the fellow pounded at last. When they e 3 apart I saw what I had done and the mate wonld have his revenge on me as soon as we got to sea again. I thought it all over in a second, and in

my frenzy concluded I might as well be eaten by tbe savages as beaten to death by the mate and thrown over for the sharks before we made another ' plort. “I turned and went straight to the bushes where 1 know the natives were watching ns. I just' said ‘Good by, to mv shipmates and nothing more. They yelled lor me to come back, but I didn’t turn nor stop. The mate started after me, hut he thought better of it and wheeled around before going twenty yards. "In five or ten minutes I was in the middle of a group of natives who were armed with spears and clubs, and had their bodies streaked and painted in a hideous way. They wore no , clothing except a strip around the waist, and more than half of them could not boast as much as that. They tore off my clothes, and then examined my limbs exactly as a butcher examines an ox to ascertain his condition. One old fellow who seemed to have some sort of authority over the rest pinched my arm till I almost screamed with pain. The fact that I didn’t sCreem seemed to impress him favorably, and at a word from him X was less rudely treated after that, I wasn’t a particularly good prize, as the hard fare on the ship had made me pretty thin, and my ribs fairly stuck out so you might count ’em. I saw they disapproved of me, but probably they reasoned that half a loaf was better than no bread, and so they took me along. “Three of the natives escorted me through the tropical forest while the rest remained, probably with a view to making more captures if opportunity offered, on to gather up whatever the ships crew should leave behind in payment for the privilege of taking water. We did not stop till we had gone a couple of miles back from the shore and ascended a hill. Through a rift in the trees I saw the boat Tretiirn to the ship with the water casks, and in a little while the anchor was raised andthe old craft sailed out of the bay and stood away to sea. I was alone with the cannibals. “We waited for the men who had staid behind and as soon as they joined us the march was resumed. A little before sunset we came to a village of thatched huts, perhaps twenty or thirty in all, in a sort of irregular circle surrounding an open space; in tlie center of this space was a raised platform over which was a thatched roof elevated on posts about ten feet high. This wa3 the council hall where all public business was transacted; it served as a lounging place by day and also as an hotel where strangers could be lodged at night. The sides of the structure were entirely open when we arrived, but in less than a quarter o frn hour the building was completely inclosed by strips of wide matting stretched between the posts. I-was made to understand that I must remain in the council "hall, and to make sure that I did not run away two of the natives were constantly at my side, or, rather, one was constantly at each side of me. They brought me some roasted bread fruit and roasted cocoanuts, gave me a mat to lie on and another for covering, and while never relaxing their vigilance toward me they treated me with kindness and respect.

' PART 11. “I didn’t sleep well, you may he sure, and what sleep I had was disturbed by unpleasant dreams which seemed to foreshadow my fate. But when waking I consoled myself with the reflection that I should have been no better off bad I staid on the whale ship and been subjected to the mate’s crualties. In the morning they fed me again with bread-fruit and cocoanut, to which was added a fish which had been roasted over the coals and was really very good. The whole population, men, women, and children, camo to look at me, and after a good deal of jabbering, of which I could not understand a word, but which evidently referred to me, two of the men started through the forest in a direction opposite to the one whence we came. Then the conference broke up, but for the rest of the day 1 was an object of curiosity, “For three days I was kept a close prisoner and on the morning of the fourth was taken through the woods by a winding path, perhaps twenty miles, to a large village, where hundreds of natives were assembled as if for a grand festival. The village surrounded an open space of at least an acre in extent. At one end of this space was a mound or platform, perhaps eight feet high, ana in front of the platform was a stone that looked like a large gateDost. Obi Tonoa and his principal officers were sitting on the mound just behind the stene; the natives, armed with their clubs and spears, were scattered over the level ground and waiting for the terrible ceremonies to begin.

"I was led to the foot of the mound, .vhere half a. dozen other prisoners, their hands and feet securely tied with cords, were lying on the ground and at a word from the King I was similarly bound and placed by their side. The crowd opened so as to make a lane from the stone to the other end of the pljkza, and that began the terrible ceremonies which preceded the cannibal feast. “Fires were burning at the rear of the mound, and I could see the smoke raising in feathery curls from at least a dozen places. Tanoii waved his hand as a signal that all was ready, and immediately several athletic fellows stepped from the crowd, two of them seized each prisoner and carried him about fifty yards away from the front of the mound and then placed him on the ground again. All my fellow victims were natives, and, as I afterward learned, were captured in a foray upon a neighboring island. “It was the custom among the Feejeeans in cannibal days to devour their prisoners of war and those killed in battle. Trib s often went on the wagv path solely for the purpose of ing victims to be Berved up as food, very mnch as in other lands expeditions are organized for hunting deer or other wild animals whose flesh is edible. The crews of wrecked ships or boats were always killed and eaten; they were regarded as the gifts of Providence, and the people often besought their gods to send them a wreck that they might be provided with

food. ' This superstition regarding j those who were unfortunate enough to be cast on their shores was more firmly fixed in the mindß of the cannibals than any other, and they clung to it after relinguishing their claim to make war in order to eat those whom they captured. “A conch shell was blown as a signal for beginning the slaughter. One of j the prisoners was seized by his two-! custodians, who each grasped an arm and a leg and then ran rapidly along] the line till they dashed their victim’s head against the great stone I have de : scribed. Then another and another was disposed of in the same way, and carried off to the! rear of the mound, and my turn had arrived! Horrible as was this mode of death, it was, after all, a merciful one, as it was pnaccompanied .Jay torture. A single blow against the stone and all was over.

“I had been lying on my bsck, with my head turned to oie side during the dispatching of my companions in captivity, and, with my experience as a sailor, had managed to work lapse the knots that bound my hands, bujfc I did not remove the cord. My executioners seized mein the customary manner, and started on their deadly mission. As they did so they doubled my legs under me so that the knot around my ankles touched my hands. Instantly I unfastened the cord, but still held hands and feet as closely "together as though the lashing were secura And now for the grand stroke which would save me!

Suddenly I gave a violent spring with hands and feet that threw my bearers to the ground, as they were totally unprepared for anything of the kind. I went to the ground with them, but wasupin an instant. We were not six feet away from tbo foot of the execution stone, and the head of one of my late bearers touched it. “With the agility of a cat—for I was a great deal younger then than now— I sprang to the top of the mound and right in front of old Tanoa. I flung my arms wildly about and then dropped on tbe ground at his feet. I afterward learned that he thought*! was invoking the vengeance of the heaven on him for the great peril I had passed through, and my prostration was to indicate that he was the greatest of terrestrial sovereigns. I really had no thought further than to ask that he would spare my life, though I had counted upon the dramatic effect of my having released myself from my bonds and stood before him.

“A wild shout went up from the crowd, and the king sat as though he had never been more surprised in his life. If I had been down by the stone I should have been . finished off in a minute, but at the feet of the King I was safe until he ordered otherwise, as it would he highly improper for the warriors to mount the platforpi while his majesty was there. The seconds seemed like hours while I waited for the King’s decision, which he finally gave: “ ‘The dead are dead, and shall be eaten; the white man shall live.’ “The bodies of those who had been killed were cooked and devoured; I was allowed to go about wherever I pleased, but was always accompanied by two warriors. They offered to show me the ovens, but I had no liking for the horrible sight, and indicated my desire to get as far from it as I could. Besides my ineffable disgust, I was fearful that the King might change his mind, or that some of hiß subjects might take upon themselves the task of executioner and dispatch me without the royal leave. But I must do them the justice to say that from that time on they never manifested the least desire to harm me.

“I was sent back to the village where I was first taken after my capture, and became the slaves of the chief, but my slavery was of the lightest sort. I was treated more like a companion than a servant, possibly for the reason that as the Feejeeans can practically live without work there was very little work to do; I learned a good deal of their language, went with them in the forest and in pursuit of fish, and loitered around the council-hall when there was nothing else to do. “I lived there nearly a year, and if I could have been assured that there was no danger of being slaughtered and eaten i should have been perfectly willing to stay among those people the rest of my life. They were unwilling to have me leave them, and twice when ships came in for water they hurried me away from the coast to make sure that I did not escape; whether they desired my society or were actuated by the fear that I should tell about their customs I never knew, but certainly they tried by every means in their power to prevent my leaving them. “In course of time they grew less watchful, and I occasionally went off by myself for a few hours without exciting suspicion. I always went toward the coast, but invariably took a circuitous route; when in sight of the sea I scanned it carefully for a sail, and if none was in sight immediately retraced my steps to the village. Toward the end of the year I did this every day or two, or as often as I thought it safe. I generally returned with a bunch of bananas or a cluster of bread fruit, so that my absence was ostensibly in search of food.

“One day my heart came into my mouth! As I looked through a rift in the trees a shiji was standing into the little hay whhre I had my fight with the mate and threw myself into the arms of the cannibals. Away I went down the path as fast as I could run; luckily I didn’t tneet any one, and went at such a pace that no pursuer could have caught me. Out I came on the beach just as the anchor went down to the sandy bottom; I looked back and thought some of the village people were coming. I didn’t wait to make sure of it, but plunged in and swam off to the ship. “It was a long swim, and I was near drowning, but I got there all right and was hauled on board. The captain heard my story, tjien ordered me to be dressed and set to work, and I went to work with a will. He was a rough, blunt, good-hearted man from'New Bedford; his mate was pretty severe with the men, but a vast improvement on my old one. All’s well that ends well, a*nd I hare nothing particularly to regret in that eventful residence in Feejee. I afterward learned that my

former ship went down with all on board a few Weeks after I deserted her and so my, escape to the man-eaters was my salvation.” —Chicago Inter Ocean. . L ' ? i '

A Sand-Storm in New Mexico.

The air was still as death, and there was not a puff of wind nor a rag ot cloud in the whole horizon. I observed, however, that the sky had undergone a curious ehange. There was no diminution of the blazing sunlight, but tbe deep blue had been superseded by a strange white glare that was nearly blinding, and the heat had iacf|sSqa rather than diminished. We saddled hastily, and were soon threading' onr way through the broiling labyrinth of sand-hills and out On the broad mesa again. We had not gone more than a mile or two in the direction of Espanola when Joe, who had been glancing about in all directions, suddenly remarked, “There she comes!” and jumping off his burro, commenced tying him up behind an adjacent heap of large bowlders. We stared in the direction he pointed, but could discover nothing save the white sky, the hills, and the sandy plains. As we looked, however, we gradually became aware that far down the valley two or three of the hills had entirely disappeared, and, stranger still, that more of them were being eaten up under our very eyes! A little brownish-black cloud, no bigger than one’s hand, was the monster that was thus devouring the landscape. We hastily secured the animals in the shelter of the rocks, and came back to look. The cloud had already spread quite across the plain and valley, and was approaching with frightful rapidity. It was not more than five miles away. It swept along toward us, with constantly accelerating speed, a bellying, portentous black wall of dust, that sent long waving fingers up to the zenith. Mile after mile of mesa, and hill alter hill, disappeared in its vast maw, until there was only one rise left. This was swallowed up, tfftd then, almost before wo coulel seek shelter, the storm was upon us with a shriek and a blast like the breath from a cannon.

In an instant everything was obscured. I peered through my halfclosed Jids, and could not see a sage,bush which I had noticed the moment before only a few feet distant. The air was full of the dull roar of the battling winds. We could barely hear the sound of our voices when we shouted. Everything had been wiped away from the face of the earth, and a blur of gray dust was all that remained. could barely distinguish those nearest me through this strange mist. The worst of it lasted for about half an hour, I should think, but the air was still full of dust when we arrived home about two hours later. Such is a New Mexican sand-storm. We found, all our household goods covered with a mat of from half an inch to an inch of impalpable powder, which had sifted in through every crack and cranny. Nothing had escaped.— liirge Harrison, in Harper’s Mugasins. —

A Study of the Camel.

No European army has made a study of the camel, and the ignorance of its masters is fatal to the beast, writes a correspondent of the London Telegraph. Its routine of life is directed, or should be, upon principles as immutable as the laws that govern the solar system. Its existence has all the rigid formality of a legal process. To disorganize, disarrange a camel is to spoil it; to hustle it is to kill it. Spleen, liver complaint, heart disease, are the result of irregularities in hours or habits; it breaks up altogether under unusual conditions of life. You cannot work one of these beasts to death if you use it in a proper way. Bat anything out of the common shrivels it up— destroys it. Its timidity is of the stupid superstitions kind. Substantial causes for fright, such as would alarm an intelligent horse, are disregarded by the camel. Yet it wilFfake fright for no reason whatever, or next to none. And then, as is always the case with the unreasoning,' it passes in a moment from perplexity to panic. The only plan, therefore, when convoying with eamels through an enemy’s country is to hobble the animals as soon as danger threatens. The moment the scouts fall back the camels should be made to sit down and their legs should be knee-haltered in such a way that they cannot move, let their tremor be what it may. For once on their legs they are stampeded, and all attempts at rallying them are as f utile as trying to coax a sand-storm to stop. This fact abont hobbling took; ns some time to learn, but we learned it at last, and stampede is no longer among the dangers upon which those who accompany the convoys have to count.

The Stove-Metre Rank.

It has been commonly supposed that men owe their dignity and grade in life to their heads rather than their heels; hut here is a “Blue Grass” native who says it isn’t so in his State. “Yes, sir/’ said the Kentuckian, as they sat by the stove, on whose top gracefully reposed the pedals of that individual, “you kin tell a man’s rank in this State thuslv: If you see a man with his sept on the top of the stove, he’s a Gineral ; but if his feet is on that rail about half way up, he’s a Kernel; and if ha keeps them on the floor he’s a Major." “Ah, yes!” said his companion. “That’s good so far as it goes. But hew are von going to distinguish a Captain or a Lieutenant?” “Stranger, we don’t go no lower than Major in Kentucky.” —The Eye.

The Cochineal Industry.

The cochineal is a larva which feeds upon the pulpy leaf of the cactus, and in the natural state looks like frost or mold. The people of Guatemala carefully scrape them oft' into gourds, and the cells being full of purple blood they make a liquid of the deepest color, For 200 years these bugs were the base of dye stuffs all over the world, and thousands of people were engaged in their cultivation. V/ * v He that gives good advice builds wifi* one hand; he that gives good connsel and example, builds with both, but he that givas good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with the other. ’■ . ' ,

RECOLLECTIONS OF A VETERAN.

(From Henry B. 8 qnton’s New Book.) TtIURLOW WEED WHILE A CANDIDATE. In 1829 it was resolved to run Thurlow Weed for tiiel Assembly. The campaign was to the last degree acrimonious. Weed’s leadership in the antiMasonio excitement had 0 raised up against him an army of enemies. The famous cry of “A good enough Morgan till after the election” was worked for all it was worth. Weed was a tremendous power at the polls. With one hand full of ballots, aud the other on the shoulder of a hesitating voter, it was impossible for his prisoner to escape the influence of his magnetic eye. Weed’s opponent was. a prominent' member of the Erst Presbyterian con-’ gregation. It was deemed important that Weed should attend service there on the Sabbath previous to the election. He borrowed some garments, came in on time, wearing a wretched • cravat and a shocking bad hat. The next day he abstained from the polls, but coifld not help taking a seat in a loft which overlooked the principal voting place of Rochester, and for three days during which the contest lasted, he walked the room like a caged lion. I now and then repaired to the room, and as Weed would look out upon the side-walk and see a doubtful voter approaching the polls he would wring his hands and say: “Oh! what would I give if I could see that min for one moment.” Weed was triumphant and went to tlie Assembly, and in April, 1830, he issued the first number of the Albany Evening Journal.

SEWARD AND CONKLING. In 1857 Roscoe Conkling was the Republican candidate for Congress in Oneida. Mr. O. B. Matteson, who had previously represented this district, was seriously opposing him. Matteson had long been a personal friend.of Mr. Seward. Hard pressed, Mr. Conkling sent for Mr. Seward and myself to address a county meeting at Rome. Mr. Seward was summoned to counteract the affect of Matteson’s hostility. Wrapped in a blue broadcloth cloak with elegant trimmings, Conkling surveyed the large audience with anxious eyes. I spoke first, eulogizing Seward and Conkling. The Senator commenced his address with a hearty enconium upon Matteson by way of preface to the matter in hand. He then spoke generally in support of the Republican cause, and eloquently commended his young, friend Conkling to the voters of Oneida. The next morning I went to Utica, and was amused to see that the only notice taken of the Rome meeting by the general press was a nearly verbatim report of Mr; Seward’s eulogium of Mr. Matteson. This, of course, would go the grand rounds of the newspapers in the State. 1 mot Mr, Conkling. My acquaintance with the English language is not sufficiently intimate to enable me to describe how angry he was. ' Mr. Conkling was elected. Then commenced those twenty years of service in the House and Senate- which have left their lustrous mark on tlie recordsof Congress.

„ SEWARD AND GREELEY. I was at Mr. Seward’s in Auburn. The conversation ran on public affairs and-publicmen. He remarked that it was a longtime before he fathomed one prominent character in New York. This was Horace Greeley. He said he had supposed Greeley was doing his work from philanthropic motives and had no desire for office; but subsequently ho had found ho was mistaken and that he was very eager to hold office. I replied in rather a careless tone, “Governor, do you not think it would have been better for you if you had let him have office?” Mr. Seward looked at me intently, and then slowly responded, “I don’t know but it would,” I was not aware how point blank a shot I had fired, for I did not then know of the existence of the letter of Nov. 11, 1845, addressed by Greeley to Seward, dissolving the old political firm of “Seward, Weed, and Greeley,” by the withdrawal of the junior partner. Greeley’s opposition to Seward’s nomination to the Presidency, in 1860 brought this unique epistle out of the secret archives of Mr. Seward. It is printed in Mr. Greeley’s “Hecollections of a Busy Life,” and will repay perusal by students of fallen human nature. Lincoln’s trust at gideon Welles. Gideon Welles as chief of a martial bureau in one of the greatest wars in modern times! My authority for the following incident was present at the cabinet meeting where it occurred. Mr. Stanton, the Secretary of War, came in with the details of a foreshadowed plan for a simultaneous attack of the rebels at three points in which he would want a little assistance from the navy. Stanton described his first place of attack, and said the troops would need the coopperation of one or two gunboats. The President, addressing Welles, asked if they could be furnished. He wiggled around in his chair and said no couldn’t tell, but woftld inquire and let them know at the next meeting of the Cabinet. And this, in substance, was his response on all the three points of Stanton’s program. Putting one of his feet on the table, the vexed President said: “Mr. Secretary, will you please tell us what you know about the navy, and tlifen we shall know all you don’t know about it/’ And he was at the head of the department for eight years.

Catching Pigeons.

The ground being cleared, the chiefs stationed themselves at distances all round a large circular space, each concealed under a low shed or covering of brushwood, having by his side a net attached to a long bamboo* and in his hand a stick with a tame pigeon on a crook at the end of it. This pigeon, trained to fly roufid and round as directed by its. owner, with a string at its foot thirty feet long, attached to the end of his stick. Every man flew his pigeon, land then the whole circle looked like a place where pigeons were flocking round food or water. The scene soon attracted some wild pigeon, and as it approached the spot, whoever was jmxt to it raised his net find tried to entangle it. fie who got the greatest numLet of pigeons was the hero of the day and honored by his friend*

riljthyarioris kinds of food, with which he treated his less successful competitors. Some of the pigeons were baked, others were distributed about and tamed for further use. Taming and excercising them for the sporting season was a common pastime. —Samoa a Hundred. Years Ago, by George Turner.

Col. Robert Ingersoll.

The last man in the world to find fault with his Creator is ( 01. Robert Ingersoll. He is rich, healthy, fat if not greasy, and has escaped those acute sufferings which he states have afflicted the rest of mankind since the ill-judged introduction of Christianity. He thinks that the wisdom and benevolence of the Creator have been very much overestimated, and that if he could have the management of affairs he would soon make this world a paradise in which there should be no poverty or pain, and all mankind would become just as rich, fat, greasy, and dissatisfied with everything as he is himself. Col. Robert Ingersoll is a melancholy example of the influence of too much property upon the growth of an ungrateful heart and a captious spirit. Had he only a few real troubles’ like owing his . landlord or milkman, he would not go about /abusing his Maker and suggesting improvements in the motions of the planets, and the wise allotments of human discipline. What he needs is for one hour to define what Thomas De Quincy finely calls the hieroglyphics of suffering. The earnest desire of Col. Ingersoll to make the Creator of this world retire from all active direction of affairs, we fear, will not be realized. We trust that the rest of us are not so entirelyforgotten by the Divine wisdom that we shall escape those needed sufferings so wholesome to our souls, in spite of Col. Ingersoll’s protest against the rank injus.tio of all corrections and disciplines. The poor sewing girl, as Col. Ingersoll suggests, ought not to suffer as she doe 3, but if her sufferings can only be, alleviated by first depriving her of a heavenly Father, the remedy is worse than the disease. It would be like that celebrated case where the father cuts his little boy’s head off to cure him of squinting. One of the useful results of a long life, if one retains his mental faculties, is to realize how much better things have been planned for us than we could have planned them* for ourselves. What we thought was good fortune has not proved so, and out of disappointments and sufferings have come a lasting content. Col. Ingersoll is a smart man, and after making all allowances for his ability, we shall venture in closing to modestly suggest to him that perhaps he does not know quite as much as his Creator. —Providence Journal.

A Rash Professor.

A Scotch professor has made up his mind never again on any consideration whatever to tell his students what a high opinion he has of the ; “Dead March in Saul.” Music, it should bo explained, is the delight of his declining years, and lie puts the famous march before everything. “K a student,” he explained onC unlucky day to his attentive class, “were to tell me that he absented himself from his class in order to hear the ‘Head March in Saul/ I would consider the excuse valid.” Tfye rash assertion was received with cheers. NeSt day the class was very thinly attended, and the lecture interrupted by th.e entrance of the juniors with notes. “Dear Sir, 7 these read, “I hope you will excuse my absence to-day, as I am off to hear the ‘Dead March in Saul,’ ” “Dear Sir—Having heard that the ‘Dead March in Saul’ is to be played to-day at the Cemetery, I find myself unable to stay away from it. -Hoping you will, —etc*. ” —“Hear Sir — You will be pleased to hear that, after your remarks of yesterday on the subject of the ‘Head March in Saul,’ I have bought a flute, etc.” The poor man boro up for a time, but the notes of absence went from bad to wore. “Dear Sir,” they began to read, “I was yesterday so fascinated by the ‘Head March in Saul’ that I propose making a careful study of this solemn measure. In these circumstances I hope you will overlook my necessary absence from the lectures for the next few days.” “Dear Sir—l regret that on first hearing it the ‘Dead March in Saul’ made less impression on me than I expected. As I would be reluctant, however, to judge the piece by such slight acquaintance, I shall, with your permission, attend to-morrow’s recital.” And worst of all: “Hear Sir—We, the undersigned, have pleasure in informing yon that we have joined a mugio class for the purpose of practicing the ‘Dead March in Saul.’ Unfortunately, the practicing takes place during the hour of you lectures, which will prevent our attendance at the latter being as regular as we could have wished.” —SL James Gazette.

Fifty Years Ago and Now.

The Danbury Neivt gives' some statistics by way of comparison, which are not only interesting but suggestive. It says: “Fifty years ago calico was 25 cents per yard, now 5 cents; broadcloth from $5 to $0 a yard; Kentucky jeans 75 cents, now 25, and about as cheap then as now. Then the women spun the yarn and wove the cloth; then it went to the carding machine, was pulled, colored, made ready to make into clothes, the tailor cut the garments and the seamstress made the clothes and had from 25 to 50 cents a day and worked from twelve to fourteen hours each day. The farmers did not to the stores and get ready-made clothing; they believed in home manufactures. “Fifty years ago one could have a decent burial for ss>, now SSO is very cheap; then a coffin would cost $5; few but paupers use coffins how; then * caskets were not in fashion; then people thought God was no respecter of persons, apparently they think He will respect the coffin now, especially if a costly monument mark the grave. These few items suggest the thought that some one rules. It is not cotton, neither is it corn; it is some one from over the sea, and its name is 'Fashion,’ and it rules with a rod Of iron.” - F -s A. Said an old 'woodchopper, '“Whenever I want'to find a chip of the old block I just ax the block.”