Rensselaer Republican, Volume 17, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 June 1885 — Bill Nye on Railway Etiquette. [ARTICLE]

Bill Nye on Railway Etiquette.

If you have been reared in extreme poverty and your mother supported you until you grew up and married, so that your wife could support you, you will probably sit in four seats at the same time with your, feet extended into the aisles so that you can wipe them off on other people while you snore with your mouth open clear to your shoulder blades. * If you are prone to drop to sleep and breathe with a low, death rattle, like the exhaust of a bath tub, it would be a good plan to tie up you head in a feather-bed and then insert the whole thing in a linen closet, or if you cannot secure that you might stick it out of the window And get it knocked off against the tunnel. In the morning is a good time to find out how many people have succeeded in getting dn the passenger train who ought to be in the stock car. Generally you will find one male and one female. The male goes into the wash room, bathes his worthless car; case from daylight until breakfast time., He wipes himself on nine different towels, because when he gets home he knows he will have to wipe his face on the old door mat, People who have been reared on hay all their lives generally want to fill themselves full of pie and colic when they travel. The female of this same mammal goes into the ladies’ department and remains th&re until starvation drives her vuL Then the real ladieS have about

thirteen seconds apiece in which to dress. ' ' j ’’’ ; _ •. If yon ever rode in a varnished car before, and never expect to again, you will probably roam up and down the car, meandering over the feet of the pprter ■While he is making up the berthsThis is a good way to let the people se«just how little sense you had left after your brain began to soften.— Pretzel's Weekly. , , - I