Rensselaer Republican, Volume 17, Number 35, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 May 1885 — Had Neuralgia in the Face. [ARTICLE]

Had Neuralgia in the Face.

It looks as if it was mighty nice to be able to sit by a nice fire for a week or ao with nothing to dp, but we had rather maul rails than do it It’s nice, very nice, to sit tilted back in front of a fire, with plenty of cigars and a lot of exchanges, a novel or so, and a pair of slippers. Oh, yes, it looks very nice, indeed—to the man who is not sitting there. With his throat wrapped up in an army blanket, a big towel tied around his head, a bottle. of wizzard oil in one hand, his temples held in the other, and a wad of cotton large enough to make a “palpitator* saturated with laudanum and jammed down onto a row of aching teeth, he is an object of the most sincere and heart-rending pity. He takes up a novel and just as he gets to where the loving maiden says, “Yes, darling, they may say that you are poor, but I love you for your true worth; be patient, dearest; ’twill be but a few brief hqjars till I will see you in ” H—l! ( This last word is used by the man sitting by the fire, and whose worst jaw tooth has suddenly waked up and gone into business at the old stand.) Down goes the book and the sufferer jumps into the center of the floor and executes a few steps that a Highland fling girl in a variety show might be proud of. In rushes the faithful little wife, and for a few minutes the odor of laudanum and hot towels fills the room. Then the “bad” tooth goes to sleep for a while, and the sufferer gets back into the easy chair and takes up the book again. But it don’t interest him. He has suffered so that the drops of agony still stand on his forehead, and he don’t care whether the hero meets the heroine all right or whether the old man puts a load of duck shot into him just as he (the hero) has reached the lattice and is whispering “Flee with me, my own.” About that time the little wife comes up with “a nice dinner for papa,” and papa’s eyes glisten as he seesthe neat tray with its cup of steaming coffee. He gathers it fondly onto his lap and takes first a sip of coffee, but alas! the “bad” tooth and four others of its brethren in the upper jaw decide that they don’t like cbffee, and rise right up on their hind legs and howl. The sick man howls, too, and by the time this little matinee is over he feels as if he, didn’t want to eat anything for the next ton years. Then after dinner (the dinner he didn’t eat) is over, in comes the consoler. The* first thing he says is, “Why don’t you get it pulled ?” It! There’s where the joke comes in. When a man gets neuralgia in his head he might stop it by getting all his teeth, his forehead, his nose, and both ears pulled, but we doubt it. When neuralgia tackles a man it don’t go in for any four rounds, Marquis of Q. rules; it just comes to stop and visit him a while, and it don’t allow itself to be neglected or forgotten during its visit. Any of our readers who have waded through the above will understand why we are glad to “be on the streets again.” N. B. —For sale: one case of neuralgia ( warranted a full case). Bidders for same can make their own terms by calling at the Argus office.— Evansville Argus.