Rensselaer Republican, Volume 17, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 April 1885 — Page 3

A Great Joker.

Hack Knober, editor of the Weekly j Her Slosh, a humorous paper, itches for a preminertfc place among the jesters of America. His marked paragraph, having failed to produce a sensation, and hm long articles having been declared to be as dismal as the screak of a wooden hinge, he decided upon making some new attempt. “I notice,” he mused, one evening, “that the best humorists in the past wore practical jokers. John Phoenix and Artemus Ward made their greatest hits in that way. Now, if I .get uji a joke on seme feller who travels around —some drummer who would go around and tell it—l would soon have a national^reputation." Hack was soon afforded an opportunity of enforcing this determination. One night at the village hotel, he noticed a nervous fellow who traveled for a shoe house. “Thene's my man,” mused Hack. , “I’ll have him standing on his head tonight. How do you do?” addressing the drummer. “So, so. What sort of a place is this you’ve got here? Just now, while standing out there, a dog came up and it was al) T could do to keep him off me.” “Must have been a mad dog,” replied Hack. “Good many of them in the neighborhood.” 1 - “Web, that lets me out. I shall leave herein the morning.” Hack inquired the number of the drummer’s room, and late in the evening slipped in and got under the bed. The drummer came in after awhile and sat down on the edge of the bed. Haek growled like a dog. “I hope,” said the drummer, aloud, “that I won’t have another fit to-night. Pd better throw this pistol away, for I might kill somebody. No, blamed if 1 don’t keep it. I wouldn’t mind killing a.few such fellows as live in this town. That fool editor ought to die.” Haok did not growl. “He ought to go this night. I feel that thing coming on me. Believe I’ll sleep under the bed. Then, if any one should come in to kill me, they couldn’t find me.” The sharp corners of Hack’s bones began to thump the floor-. “Believe I’ll shoot under there a couple of times. ” “For God’s sake, hold on, Mister!” exclaimed Hack, crawling out. “I wasn’t doing anything—l—. ” He made a break for the door. _____ “Who is that awful fellow?” asked Hack, when he reached the office. “Why, don’t you know him?” • “No. “He*s going to be your rival here in business. Has bousrht the News. Saw him laughing just before he went up. Said he was going to have some fun.” S, Hack groaned. “Said one of the boys was trying to play a joke on him. Said that he heard that you were a great practical joker. Don’t be in a hurry. Told me that when he got a chance he was going to write you up. Well, good night.” The Weekly JCer Slosh has suspended. Hack works at a steamboat landing.— Arkansan) Traveler.

Canned Goods.

Every cap should be examined, and if two holes are fonnd hr it, send it at once to the Health Board, with the contents and the name of the grocer who sold it Reject all articles of canned food that do not show the line of resin around the edge es the solder on the cap, the shine as is Been on the seam at the side of the can. “Standard” or first-class goods have not only the name of the factory, but also that of the wholesale house which sells them, on the label. “ Seconds,” or doubtful, or “ reprocessed ” goods have a “stock-label ” of some mythical canning Loifee, but do not have the name of any wholesale grocer on them. Reject all goods that do not have the name of the factory and also the name of some wholesale firm on the label. A “swell” or decomposing can of goods can always he detected by pressing in the bottom of the can. A sound can pressed will give a solid feel. When gas from the decomposition of the food is inside the can the tin will rattle by pressing the bottom, as you displace the gas in the can. Reject evory can that shows any rust around the cap on the outside of the head of the can. If housewives are educated to these points, then muriate of zinc amalgam will become a thing of the past, and dealers in “swells” will have to seek some other occupation.— The Sanitarian* l :_ :

How to Regain a Lost Voice.

A broken-down old German actor at induced Caroline Bauer to appear at a performance announced for bis benefit. On the appointed day, however, Bhe had comfdetely lost her voice from the effects of a severe cold, and the poor man was in despair since his tickets land been sold entirely on the strength of the promised appearance of the Berlin actress, and if she failed him he would be required to refund the money, the greater part of which was already expended. Ha had a wife and many children; would she not, in pity for them, try his remedy for hoarseness? It was a severe one. “too terribly Russian for a delicate lady, but—” ” “And this remedy?” “Well, you must let a whole quart of scalding hot beer pass slowly and uninterruptedly down your throat.” “Is that all?” “No; there is something more, honored fraulein,” said Dolle, timidly. drinking it you must hold a tallow candle—a good thick one, fonr to the pound—in the boilingßeer, and stir it about till nothing but the wick is left.” The kind-hearted actress shuddered, but consented to swallow the nauseous draught, and by evening had completely recovered her voice. —Fortnightly Reciew.

A Patented Article Not an Invention.

E. A. Locke, of Waterbury watch fame, in 1869 invented and patented the device, by which the fraudulent rise of revenue stamps on whisky barrels is pi evented, and which saves the Government millions. He spent ten years and $-2i’,Goo trying to get the Government to adopt his stamp, The wh'sky ring, was exposed, and Gen. Bristow

I proceeded to use Mr. Locke's stamp, stating that it was the only way of protecting the Government. The Government, however, failed to make any compensation to the inventor. Thu Supreme Court has decided the improvement was not an invention, yet Locke still holds a patent— Hartford Courant.

A Clover Club Dinner.

I think the most enjoyable dinners are those given by the Philadelphia Clover Club. The organization is composed pf the jolliest set of men in the Quaker City, and several hundred of them dine at a monstrous table in the shape of a four- leaved clover. The peculiarity of their dinner is that they endeavor to confuse every man who gets up to make a speech. Nothing tickles the club so much as to get hold of a man who resents such familiarity, and they are often tickled, for nothing is so startling to a diffident speaker as the manners of the members after he has begun to talk. To say they are free and untrammeled in the expression of their opinions concerning the speaker is but a feeble way of putting it. The gibes, sneers, jeers, and comments which assail the unfortunate speaker at every word usually reduce lnm to a state of gibbering imbecility before he has spoken half an hour. Then, if he is any sort of a man at all, he turns round and howls out the best speech of his life, after which he is toasted to the limit of the law. It is certainly uncomfortable at first to face such a club as this famous one of Philadelphia. I remember a very tall, slim, and grave man who rose to make a speech at, one of the Clover Club dinners a year or two ago, and who had evidently been kept in ignorance of the methods of the members of that festive body. He was a railroad president or something of that sort, and his dignity was preternatural. First he coughed slightly behind his hand, then thrust one hand in his breast and rested the other in a stilted way upon the table. He looked with a grave and important air and coughed again. Then his voice came slbwly, distinctly, and with great pomposity. “Gentlemen, I am gratified.” The club raised its voice and seme man yelled “liar.” No one laughed, and the pompuous speaker grew ashy pale. Once more he started off, and when he got to the word gratified the club yelled “liar” at him again. Then he said very quickly, before they had a chance to yell again, “Gentlemen, Pam gratified to be with you this evening,” Before he could go any further the club burst out with the stirring refrain : tVe believe you. we believe you; We believe you just nowr - " " Just now we believe you. We l>elieve you just now. The dignified and pompous speaker stood there, looking bleak and forsaken, while the members of the club leaned back in their chairs and shouted the song so that it made the glasses dance on the table. When they had finished, the club saw their honored guest giggling like a schoolboy. For once his dignity forsook him, and in the next fifteen minutes he made as bright and clever a speech as I had e er listened to. I commend this plan to many of the clubs which give dinners, for nothing can exceed the stupidity of the average after-dinner speech.—Brooklyn Eagle. = ■

A Quartet of Patriots.

A group of lawyers were discussing the late war at the corner of Whitehall and Wall streets. “I was at Shiloh,” said one, “and while standing under a smoky sky in a storm of leaden hail, beheld the noble Albert Sidney J ohnston tight and fall upon the blood-red altar of his country. ” “And I,” said another, “was at the Wilderness when the very air was red with thp fire of battle, and the myriad minies jjsang their death song in the ears of the brave. I, too, fought, bled, and died for my country* ” “And I,” said a third, “stood in the fire’s front at Gettysburg, when the wild rebel yell mingled strangely with the shriek of the deadly shell that plowed the patriot ranks. I, too, fought, bled, and died for my country. ” “And I, gentlemen,” said a lank, seedy, solemn man, with a faded umbrella under his arm, “I was at Jonesboro when shot and shell sped swiftly by in the wagon train, and all seemed lost. But I, too, was a patriot, and while 1 neither fought nor died, I bled for my country —I bled the army mules. Gentlemen, I am a horse-doctor; are there any jackasses in thi» crowd?"— Atlanta Journal. l^—'

The British Commons Chamber.

Notwithstanding the vast sums of money lavished by Great Britian upon her palace of Westminster she now finds the Comm ops Chamber wholly unfit for the purpose for which it was designed, and’ discussion of a new chamber has already begun. The sizeof the present chamber is based upon the idea that the best thing members have to do is not to listen to debates. There is not near seating capacity for all the members, neither is there proper ventilation. Members also begin to demand desks for writing purposes, similar to those in the French Assembly and American House of Representatives.

John.

Chinamen are beginning to monopolize a large share of the business of .furnishing wood for’the Central Pacific Railroad. The Chinese in Nevada are lightening $5 gold pieces by sweating them. One of these coins was tested by a Eureka merchant the other day on delicate scales, and it was found to have lost just one-fifth (slj of its original value. An lowa paper states that mental labor is performed more easily before breakfast than at any other time. If anybody knows what it is to think with an empty stomach for inspiration an lowa editor does. About the only reference to base ball in holy writ that we remember is where Rebecca goes to the right field with a pitcher. The right field for water. It is a cold day when a tramp freezes to death. . • , V,

THE CASHIER’S DAUGHTER.

The Merchants National Bank, of Toledo, Ohio, la recognized as one of the prosperous financial concerns of that busy city; and M. C. Warn, Esq., Is well knoMp as Its Assistant Cashier. Mr. Warn has a daughter who suffered ssverly from rheumatism. Although only thirteen years old, this obstinate disease took a firm hold of her, amd for months tor. tured her. Hleartng that Mr. Warn had used Athlophoroa to restore the young lady to health, and anxious to know the effect of the medicine on one so young, s gentleman called upon Mr. Warn, to ask for information about It, which Mr. Warn very courteously gave in this wise: , “My daughter was Indeed a sufferer. For several months she was laid up with rheumatism, and unable to go to school or to attond to her studies at home. We were quite perplexed to know what to do about it, for the disease did not yield to the ordinary remedies of the physicians. After she had endured muoh pain, I heard of Atblophoros, and tried a bottle. I was astonished, both at the completeness of the cure and the promptness with which it was brought about. I bad supposed that a medicine so powerful as this might have left gome unpleasant effects, but it Is now many months since she was cured, and there has been nothing of the kind, nor has there been any return of the disease. My daughter Is as well as ever, attends her school regularly, and is taking her usual interest in her studies. I have good reason to hold Athlopboros In very high esteem, and freely to recommend it to all who are afflicted with rheumatism.”

From the bank the gentleman went to tho drug store of Messrs. Van Stone & Cjosby. On asking Mr. Crosby what he knew abo-' Athlopboros, that gentleman replied: *

have sold a good deal of it, and I have IA. Kdof it’s doing muoh good in many cases. “Their names? Well, there is onearound the corner from here. He is aba . ~ working at Flower’s barber shop on Jefft 1 -• ' • avenue.” 3r D is On asking Mr. Flower about rheuma-' - 1 he replied; “No, I haven’t the rheuma> but my man, Thomas, had it, and that— What-dye-calHt, with the long name—l*. V VS. knocked It out of him. Better wait and, him; he’ll be here in a few minutes.” F’ 11 , WL ently in came Mr. G. W. Thomas, a br and cheery-looking young man of al thirty, who looked as if he had never suff«s, di san ache. “Surely you are not the man was laid up with rheumatism?” “Yes, lam the man,” was his reply, “a: , 1 was all crippled up with it, so that 1 coni- e -‘ a ’> work. Yes, that Athlopboros is the stufi would give twenty-five dollars for abe rather than go without It The rheumatot al, came on me when I was at work in Chlct I was sick a long while. My first attack In the fall of 1883. I tried liniments everything else I could get, You know jrnfftn barber shop everybody who comes in rec o j a j E _ mends something or other. Well, I took ts all. 1 had to quit work. One Saturday ni I was helped home from the shop, for I co not walk. On the way 1 got a bottle FenAthlophoros. I liked the Idea of it, beca It didn’t offer to cure everything: only rta mutism and neuralgia. 1 was undressed t wn ,, put to bed, for 1 could not help myself. took two teaspoontuls of the medicine htge, milk. When I had had it down about t" ’ 3 . hours 1 began to feel numb. Now, I was i arKl in pain. In about an hour and a half aft that I felt prickly all over, as If with a 1 of needles. Then I sweated. Oh! whatj} es sweat! By Wednesday morning I was ah to be at work again. Since that I have nevtPt e, lost a day. I took in all about three bottles

“Well, you ought to see my old landlady, old Mrs. Smith. She is 73 years old. She had taken pretty much everything lor her rheumatism; but no good. 1 had about enough of this medicine left for two doses, and I gave It to her. She took it, and it relieved her at once. Then she got another bottle. That was two months ago. She has had no return of the rheumatism; nor have I eithor.” If you cannot get Athtophorob of your druggist, we will send It, express paid, on receipt of-regular price—one dollar per bottle. Wo prefer that you buy It from your druggist, but il he hasn’t it, don’t be persuaded to try some--1 hing else, but order at once from us, as directed. AiHLGPHoBos Co.. 112 Wall Street. New York.

Cheeks Made Pink and White.

A lot of masks in the show window of a fashionable millinery store on Fourteenth street attract attention from the fact that a pretty little box is placed by every one. “Those masks,” said the young lady in the store, “are not for balls or carnival occasions at all, but for a decidedly more useful purpose. Have you never heard of the cosmetic toilet mask now worn by New York women who have the prettiest complexion in the world?” The reporter confessed he never had. “Then I must explain it. The eosmetic mask is something entirely hew. in the way of improving and beautifying the complexion. It obviates the necessity for using paints and powders. It heals all eruptions of the skin from whatever cause. It is lined with a finely medicated fleece that softens the skin and clears it from all impurities. If used according to directions, and with the preparations that accompany it in the pretty little box, a new cuticle, soft and clear, will be formed, and slight but repeated friction will carry away the effete article of matter that formed the diseased or discolored skin. Ladies who consider paints and powders objectionable, but wishing to improve their complexion by other means, invariably use the cosmetic mask” “How do you use them?” “First wash the face clean, rub all over with the cream, put on the mask and wear it for at least an hour. Upon removal wijie the face with a soft cloth, and use the powder lightly. The mask may be worn with beneficial effect, without the application of either the creain or cosmetic powder; but its bleaching and healing powders will act more readily if the skin is softened by the cream.” “Does it ever fail to beautify the complexion ?” “If the wearer is patient and persistent it will never fail to make the complexion clear and fine. A great many, masks are sold in the city. The results of wearing a cosmetic mask are very soon discernible in the glow on the cheeks, the healthy pinky look of the skin v pmd the freeness from pimples. But each completion ; ( i»ust use a shade of powder to suit it, white, pink, oream, or any color required. - r “The white should be used by persons with a ruddy or florid complexion; the pink will impart to pale persons the so much desired color; and * tfie cream color is for those with dark complexions and decided brunettes.” “Is it an uncomfortable sensation to wear the mask ?” “Oh, no; not at all. It is rather delightful than otherwise. The inside, being lined with fleece, i'b soft, and the cream and powder spread on it create a not unpleasant feeling to the skim Why, ladies who use them, go about the house as usual, and never lose an hour of the time in domestic affairs. Formerly preparations were made to remain on the face all night, but they •were not found to be so healthy, and for that reason were discontinued.”— New York Mail L ‘ What we need is better examples, more of them and less preaching.

A Good Breakfast.

Mrs. E. W. Carpenter, Overlee, Baltimore -County, Maryland, writes: I was greatly benefited by the nse of Red Cough Cure, when suffering from a severe cold. My cook was seriously ill from a deep-seated cough, JShe had consulted her doctor without relief. By*my advice she used the Cough Case in connection with an external application of St. Jacobs Oil to her side. In ione night the change wrought was most gratifying and astonishing. In the morning she was like a new person.

Man in Love and Out.

What is there that a man will not do when he is in love? W T hat else will drive him to such lengths of brilliancy and daring? It is then that he puts on his most brilliant plumage, strata about in his greatest glory, and reaches the most beautiful perfection of his nature. He writes long letters, spends bis money like a prodigal, is ready to go here, there, or anywhere, rain or shine, at the beck andi call of his fair mistress; wears his best clothes, walks with the erectness and elasticity of a trained athlete, smiles on all mankind, and is a being much beyond and above the common run of the race. All this he is to the woman to whom he is playing the lover. She takes him for what he seems to be—not for what he is. • Perhaps he may turn out what he seems to be, perhaps not—generally not. Most husband* Of l i-~tj ha.r,fg to their j— : SELL HEAL EST.Ii after

STATE OK INDIA NAJ , w. -V -lasper L'oimty iP v. » In the Jasper Circuit Court,-*!uoe Term, 13, Jan es H. Gieen, Administrator t»f* the esi of Matthew Tliompsmi, lato.of said county. V ceased,.versus George G. Thompson., Martha) Julian. Jolitk SV. Lewis. Mnltliev.' J. Leu Elizabeth F. Lfewis. Charles H. Lewis. Mart M. BhCofcvetl. George Blackwell. FliebeJ. Cu ni ogham. Felix. I! Cunningham. Isabel - White.i fflvife,"Catherine V. tiowai Augustes l’. I reward, Mary, J, Thompson. Ml g:\retTheiimson. William Thompson. Geoi Thompson, Edwin it. Douglass. Thomps Dongle.-ts,- Charles Dougktss. Frona I>. Douglas Joel K kedenbaugli. Minnie Iteilenbairgf CharGs Jonvennt a nit 1 -MKFv-- Jouvenat; Notice is hereby given, toutin' above nam< defendants, and lo all otlier-liuteri -ted in sail estiva-, tint t'said administrator had filed in tit Circuit Court of s«W county, his petition to set certain licnl Estate belonging to said doceden the'Personal property of said Estate being ii FU&kipnt to pay the indebted ness thereof: aij that said petition will come up for hearing < 'the tli da v of'June, lisi.'i. ’the same beiugt sCveoth judicial day*of tho June Term, mi. said Com-t. which, torm winnnmsoi at the Cou House, in b’enssclncr. in said State, on t!is fit d.;y of ..'tine, in the yeat UfariumH. ->***<.’ • Witm-.-- the Clerk and Seni or * lav? a \ Court, tli is JBtli dav of April, A. t j 1885. V-'ifCN. JAMES F. IKWiN, CU-G fi'rmh K-. Fabeacl;, AVyfirr- I’lainti!;'. April iii-di’.-XO. ‘ i

M o ti-res iden fPI otic * Jasper. Circuit Guil t Ju.nc 'Term; 188 s. f. Bilinle Delloc)-,) f v-i. V ’ ■ v.T I ,i<-soph oi.ii. 1 Tiic ut)kiio\v;rt Muirs and devisees of JaA

•wAerevei ' , «aeß-- i fl.'«#wLtSw nnkwown^ht-iisjj genii that people the realm whisper of pleasures more attractive, beauties more rare, and splendors more dazzling, that lie yet afar; and ever, in the shadowy distance, gleam the turrets, minarets arid towers of an unattainable beyond. In/the fairy-land of childhood things seem to be as they are not; id the dreamland of more mature years things are not as thev seem to be.

Pierce’s “Pleasant Purgative Pellets.”

Po?itively Popular; Provoke Pi also; Prove Priceless; Peculiarly Prompt; Perceptibly Potent: Producing Permanent Profit; Precluding Pimples and Pustules; Promoting Purity and Peace. Purchase. Price, Petty. Pharmacists latronizing Pierce Procure Plenty. A descriptive writer said of a pompous man that he looked as if he knew so much that it made him unhappy.

Important.

When you visit or leave New York City, save Baggage Expressage and Carriage Hire, and stop at the Grand Union Hotel, opposite Grand Central Depot: KOO elegant rooms fitted up at a cost of one million dollars, reduced to $1 and upwards per day. European plan. Elevator, Restaurant supplied with the best. Horse cabs, stage,aud elevated railroad to all depots. Families can live better for less money at the Grand Union than at any first-class hotel in the city. ■ A Chicago clergyman recently coupled two -Garre (in" marriage) in that city, and escaped without being squeezed. —Milwaukee Globe.

PLAYING EUCHRE WITH LADIES.

“Whose play is it?” “Who took that trick?” “What’s trumps—what was led ?” “Did I take that?” “Is it my play?” “That’s the left bower, ain’t it?” 1 “Is that mine?” “Ain’t you got a club ?” “What’s trumps?” “Whose deal is it?” - “Did you say you saw Miss Wilson on the street yesterday?” “Yes, and she was looking splendid.” “Why, I thought the doctors had given her up, and said there was no help for her.” “So they did. But somebody advised her to try Hops and Malt Bitters, and she took three bottles, and is in better health than she hasLeen for three years.” “I’m so surprised. ” “Oh! Are you all “There! We have euchred them. “Count two, quick.”

Red Star 4 TRADE MARK (ough(ure Absolute Free from Opiates, Emetic* and Faisons* A PROMPT, SAFE, SURE CURE Far Caagha. Sare Thraat, Haaraeacaa, Influenza, Cold*- BnnUtla, Croup, Whooplm* Coach, Aothmn, Qolnej, Pnlno In Cheat, nad other elfcetkmi of the Threat eixlLaaga. Price SO Cent** bottle. Sold by Dracrtet* and Healer*. Partii* unable to induce tkUr dealer to promptly gel Ufor them will rertirx. uco botOexJZxprcu cAargaO paid, by ttrjllng m* dollar to TUB CHARLES X. TOWUX COrPABT, Sole Onoeia end Menufeeterero, i unions Bnjleri.!. hi.

"She tried bar prentiee hand on nun, And then she formed tee lassies, Or ‘‘Whaf is woman’s worth/” asked a fair | damsel or a crusty old (taebo or. He did not know, so she said: “W. O. man” (double you, | O, man). But a woman feels worth little if ' disease has invaded her system and is daily : sapping her strength. For all feraal* weaknesses, Dr. R. V. Pierce's “Favorite Prescrip-! tion” stands unrivaled. It cures the complaint and builds up the system. ‘Bend two letter stamps for pamphlet to World’s Dispensary Medical Association, Buffalo, X. Y. Isn’t It queer a white man always feels blue after painting the town red? r « Use the great specific for “cold in head" and catarrh—Dr. Sago’s Catarrh Hemedy. Whkkmng, W. Ya., must be a great place for carriage smiths. This is the remark of a wag-on the subject.— Bouton Star.

Stanford's Acid Phosphate.

A VALUABLE REMEDY FOR OKAYED* Jfoj Dr. T. H. Newland, Jr., Bt. I.ouit>, Mo., say*: “I have used it in diseases of the urinary organs, such as gravel, and particularly spermatorrhoea, with very good results, and think it a very valuable remedy in those diseases,” Men who have national reputations without situations—tramps.

A Wonderful Remedy.

Compound Oxygen, the Vitalizing Treatment tor chronic diseases, introduced to the public by Drs. Starkey & Palen, 1109' Girard St, Ptaila., is effecting wonderful cures in Consumption, Neuralgia, Catarrh, Rheumatism, etc. Thousands have been relieved from suffering, and hundreds saved from death, by tliis new discovery. Bend for their pamphlet.

“Put up” at the Gault House.

The business man or tourist will find firstclass accommodations at the low priee of $2 and $2.50 per day at the Gault House, Chicago, corner Clinton and Madison streets. This far-famed hotel is located in the center of the city, only one block from the Union Depot. Elevator; all appointments first-class. J Hoyt Sc Gates, Proprietors.

For Coughs and Throat Disorders

use Brown’s Bronchial Troche?. “Hare never changed my mind respecting them, except I think better of that which I began thinking well of.’’— Rev. Henry Ward Beecher. Sold only in boxes.' —Pure Qxl-Llver Oil, made from selected livers on the sea shore, by Caswell, Hazard & Co., New York. It is absolutely pure and sweet. Patients who have once taken it prefer it to all others. Physloians have decided it superior to any of tho other oils in market. A Beautiful, Soft, and Smooth Complexion will be retained by the exclusive use of “Beeson’s Aromatic Alum Sulphur Soap," an exquisite Skin Beautifier and Toilet Requisite. 'Prevents, Heals and Cures all Skin Blemishes for sure. 25c, of Druggists, or by mail of Wm. Dreydoppel. Philadelphia, Pa Chapped Hands, Pace, Pimples and rough Skin, cured by using Juniper Tar Soap, made by Caswell, Hazard & Co., Now York. The Frazer Axle Grease is the very best. A trial will prove we are right. Ir afflicted with Sore Eyes, use Dr. Isaac Thompson’s Eye Water. Druggists sell it. 25c.

DR. JOHN BULL’S SuMoiicSyif FOR THE CURE OF FEVER and AGUE Or CHILLS and FEVER, ANO ALL MALARIAL DISEASES. The proprietor of thie celebrated medioine justly claims for it a superiority over all remedies ever offered to the publio for the SAFE, CERTAIN, SPEEDY and PERMANENT cure of Ague and Fever, or Chills and Fever, whether of short or long standing. He refers to the entire Western and Southern country to bear him testimony to the truth of the assertion that in no case whatever will it fail to cure if the directions are striotly followed and carried out. In a great many cases a single dose has been sufficient for a cure, and whole families have been cured by a single bottle, with a perfect restoration of the general health. It is, however, prudent, and in every case more certain to once, if its use is continued in smaller doses for a week or two after the disease has been checked, more especially in difficult and long-standing cases.. Usually this medicine will not require any aid to keep the bowels in good order. Bhould the patient, however, reauire a oathartio medicine, after having taken three or four doses of the Tonic, a single dose of KENT’S VEGETABLE FAMILY FILLS will be sufficient. ' BULL’S SARBAPARXLLA is the old and reliable remedy for impurities of the blood and Scrofulous affeorions—the Xing of Blood Purifiers. DR. JOHN BULL’S VEGETABLE WORM DESTROYER is prepared in the form of candy drops, attractive to the sight and pleasant to the taste. :«R. JOHN BULL’S SMITH'S TONIC SYRUP, BULL’S SARSAPARILLA, BULL’S WORM DESTROYER, The Popular Remedies of the Day. Principal Office, 881 MaUßt„ LOUISVILLE. KT. ThU remedy contains no injurious drugs. CREAM BALM CAXARBH when applied Into the nostrils, will be absorbed, Vu/rill QLIMW effectually cleansing the ■/vl’tflfn DAb I ', HR head ot catarrhal virus, ■ fcnre»,CUoroCWW'l causing healthy secretions. M JfiSf -rrOi/ “ift. I It ailays inflammation, pro- MJHR-, Cq. •7 g> '‘tADl terts the membrane from WiiifTmiriL&'A. n# fresh colds, completely f KArfiVEßlfk? «Ci heals the sores, and re- My. stores the senses of taste, Wfy ' yjSAv m smell and hearing. It is Xjf / NOT <)K BNf A few applications relieve. A thorough treat- aimaM/ \ v x* uflA.l ment will cure. Agreeable ■ to use. Price 50 cent* by If ■ls mim ** HAY “ FEVER ELY BROTHERS, Druggist*. Qwego. W. T. Mptl ecniDUY Taught mad Mtoatlon* I LLtailJirn I tumishet. Cibcclaks fbee. I VALENTINE UliOS.. Janesville, Win. ABIIItI Morphine Habit Cared la 10 OPIUM PATENTS Hand-Book FREE. WwIH3IBI»%iO- TerritoryClw. Otaln^wg A FABER BOR B ‘kICKMAKKRdI BRISK TILE A METAL REVIEW. U f 1 a year. Geo. E. Williams* Ca, Box 1462. Pittsburgh. Pa. U ■ - -5 ' Men r Thinlc they know all about Mustang Liniment Few do. Not to know is not to have., •' • \ ■ t ... . i '•' , ■' ' - ' • *\b . ‘

For Weak Women.

Mr*. Lydia E. Pii'Miah: “Al oot the first of September, 1881, my wife was taken with uterine hemorrhage. The bs*t ktypticethe physician could prescribe did not check it, and she got more and more enfeebled. She was troubled a Ith Prolapsus lltert, ieuoorrboea, numbness of the limb , sickness of the; stomach, and loss of appetite. I purchased a trial bottle of your Vegetable Compound. She sold the could diet over a taint ary effect fn.m the firtt dote. Now she is comparatively free from the Prolapsus, stomach’s sickness, 4cc. The hemorrhage is very much better, and is less st the regular periods. Her appetite Is restored, and her general health and strength are much improved. We feel that we have been wonderfully benefited, and our hearts are drawn out in gratitude for the same and In sympathy for other sufferers, for whose takes we allow our names to bn used.” . C- W. Batos, Thurston. K. T.

Commoii Sense Adrice He Who Becomes a Treasurer off Money for Another Is Responsible for a Safe Return. How ranch more responsible Is be who bae Is charge the health and life of a bunas being. We have considered well the responsibility, and In preparing onr ALLEN’S LUNG BALS AM, which far twenty-fire years haa been favorably known as one of the best and purest remedies for all Throat and Lunar Diseases, we are particular to use nothing but the best ingredients. NO OPIUM In any form enters Its composition. It is to your interest to stand by the old and tried remedy, ALLEN'S LUNG BALSAM, and see that a bottle lb always kept on band for immediate use. BEAD THE FOLLOWING NEW EVIDENCE: Addison, Pal, April 7, bn. I took a violent cold and it settled an ms longs, so much so that at time* I spit blood. AtXJ&fB LUNG BALSAM was recommended to me as a good remedy. 1 took it. and am now sound and wall. Yours respectfully, A./. BUSMAN. Addison. Pa_ April, IMS. A. J. COLBOM, Esq.. Editor of the Somertei HtMUL writes: I can recommend ALLEN'S LUNG BALSAM as being the best remedy for Colds and Coughs I ever ' used. Astoria, Ills. April A MW. Gentlemenl can cheerfully aay your ALLEN'S LUNG BALSAM, which 1 have sold for the past fifteen years, sells ls-tter than any cough remedy, and gives general satisfaction. ’Tis frequently recommended by the medical profession here. Yours truly, H. C. MOONEY, Druggist. La Fatettb.R. 1- Oct. 13, MjK. Gentlemen -.—Allow me to say tint after using tan# bottles of ALLEN’S LUNG BALSAM for a badattaek of Bronchitis. I am entirely cored. I send this TO V untartly, that those afflicted may be benefited. Yoon respectfully, BUBBILL H. DAVIS. J. N. HARRIS & CO.(Limltßi) Props. CINCINNATI, OHIO. FOB SALE by all MEDICINE DEALERS. Wfaat tbe People Say. Mr. R. A. Everett, of Lexington, Ky., writes: “ Or. Cuysott’s Yellow Dock and Sarsaparilla cured me of the worst case of dyspepsia and Mood poisoning a man ever had. My nkin Is now as fair as thatof an infant, and my stomach seems so strong I believe 1 could digest clam shells.” ■ Mrs. Annie Rathburne, of Erie, Pa., writes: “The least exertion caused me painful fatigue. ] w»- tormented with dyspepsia and Irregularities My blood seemed poisoned, l-Jmp.ea and sores were all over my body. I doctored for years, bat ft trad myself growing worse until I tried DK. GlMbcTVs YtLIOW DOCK AMO SARSAPARILLA. From tb s start I improved, and now 1 do not feel like the same woman. It baa mads me strong and we’.L’ _______ A physician writes: "With suicidal indifference many disregard the laws of health. They rat indigestible food, they expose themselves to sudden climatic changes, they excessively strain the nerves, they give no heed to a daily evacuation of the bowels, they repress a natural desire to nrinate, they indulge in hurtful drinks, etc. Ere long their health completely fails. A state of impure blood, nervous depression, dyspeLßia, urinary disorders,partial paralysis, etc., follows. As a enre I cordially recommend DR, GUYSOTT’S YELLOW DOCK AND SARSAPARILLA. wMeh in connection with careful dieting and due attention to correct bodily habits, with regular honrs of sleep, etc., will surely restore health. I consider it the best tonic, blood pnrifler, and strengthener sold by drnggfsta It acts soothingly and mildly, and never leaves any onpleasant aftereffects. Many have been astonished at its marvelous cure*, after all other remedies had failed.* fl IATHP T 1 Treated and cored without the knife. I. A 11 I•H. K Book on treatment sent free. Address Uili.lU.Ull F.L.PONP, M.D.. Aurora, K«nsCo., 111. BPliiMigßgag KfflreßvwSiuiSHHSSß: Mass. f ANTED LADIES cr 6ElintkEl| to take light, pleasant employment at their own homes; work sent by mail (distance no objection); s2 to $5 ids* can be qn ietly made; no canvassing ;no stamp lor ttply Please address Slain Mfg. Ce, Smtac, Mats, fat 5H4 #R. U. AWARE LotOlari’s Climai Flag KSUMSSI; S-ISSSS Na-vy Clipping#, and that LoriUard's Snuffs, are the best and cheapest, quality considered ? VIBRATING TELEPHONE. Gives splendid satisfaction. .No exorbitant rental fee to pay—Sold outright ■ dhm and guaranteed u> work nicely on line* V W within its compass (a miles), or money A ZT refunded. Constructed os new and scientific principles; works entirely by ■HiraKtn viriratioa. Two or three months' rental tee to the Bell Telephone will buy AfalSSOHBhl tlfZel manght a complete piiv.ee line. It is Ha SriasasHssfeisa: JSf and warranted to give satisfaction, or if 1 money refunded. AGENTS cats WMbFi I make immense profits and get all the work they can do. No previous expe'W»T- rieoce required. Where 1 have do agents Telephones may be ordered direct for private use. Circular* he*. H. T. JOHNSON, stai# tu«i»Mffc ZEOSZSZ r, Sßa*. m, copuMPum together with n TaLUAILKTAEATI*# on this < I sense te any sufferer. Give express and T O. addr a*. PK.T. A. SDOCCX.WFeartSt., KawTorltC.K.P. " No. 16-Oa WHEN WRITING TO ADVERTISERS, if please say yoa saw the advertisement la thfr paper. , ’ Many a Lady is beautiful, all but her skin; and nobody has ever toM her how easy it is to put beauty on the skin. Beauty on the skin is Magnolia Balm. / ’ V.. I ] - _ .A