Rensselaer Republican, Volume 17, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 March 1885 — Hie Old Man’s Bone Felon. [ARTICLE]

Hie Old Man’s Bone Felon.

Pop’s in a bad fix for work now. He is a sittin’ about ine house with a “botld fullnn” on his thumb ; and he’s a wishing that was a machine invented to cure it that wouldn’t hurt it, and wouldn’t co.it nothin’, He tried everything that anybody would name that was good for it. Maw she made him scald it in hot lye to set it back, but it never set it; then she turnee in and put a bar-grease poultice on it to draw it to a head, and that made it hurt wusser, and he taken it off; then she tried jim,-son-weed, and it ’peared to make it wusser still; then old Miss Freshours ’lowed the best thing ever she tried was house-leak baked in a pone of bread, and if that didn’t do to scrape a raw beet and wrap it up in it; and he tried ’em both and still it hurt Old Miss Strong came in and ’lowed a ingon poultice was the best of all, and he tried that; then old Sister Pinkney ’lowed hops made a powerful good ’un, and we’ uns made it; and old Miss Simmons ’lowed nothing wasn’t ekle to the plain old-fashioned mush poultice* and pap ’lowed:

“Well, for the land sake slap it on,” and I stirred it up quick, for pap was a hurtin’ turrible. Aunt Nance she come and wheeled in a poultice out’n sass soap and sugar and rossum; she know’d that was jist what it needed to draw the mizry out’n it, and was plum amazed that maw hadn’t thought about that. Then ’Squire Eoberson and his old ’oman came over, and the ’Squire ’lowed a bacon rind, or a rale fat piece of salt meat tied to it, would mighty quick fetch it to a head, and old Miss Eoberson ’lowed her rimmidy was honey and flour; and her and her old man had it up and down for a while as to which was the best. Pap he ’lowed: > “Put ’em both on, put ’em on, and put ’em on quick,” and he was a walkin’ the floor and a singin’, and Buddy he ’lowed it had orter be split, and it was a hurtin’ so Bad pap he turned around and told him to shet up his mouth. Maw she wanted to send after old Miss Green to come and cut it, and pap he ’lowed she shouldn’t doctor a dog for him. Then maw she told him to go on to the doctor then if he wanted to pay out all he was worth, but pap went on and had it opened and sot into Weedin’ and skeered us all mighty nigh into fits, but we got it stopped, and old Arminty Pendergrass she happened to step in and she ’lowed a mustard poultice would draw all that fire and fever out’n it, and pap put it on, he’d er put on anything, and I tell you it made him hop, and when Aunt Mahaly got here she was mad; she ’lowed: “If ’uns don’t stop a puttin’ so many fool things on that ar bone felun you are a gwine to pizen it, and information will set in, and the first thing you know it will be pitrified,” and she ontied it and looked at it, and everybody that come in on-tied it and looked at it. It is curis how folks alters wants to look at a sore. „ She ’lowed it needed burnt alum to aggravate all that proud flesh out’n it. She sprinkled it on and it set him afire,and he danced,he walked,he hollered, and would er had a fit but I turned in and washed it off and tjed it up, and pap he ’lowed; “Let it rest awhile.” Then I sot my foot down agin anything more gwine on it less the doctor said so, and wo’uns Was all afeared to wash that blood ofn it, feard it mought bleed agin*. So he turned in and went to the doctor, that big fat’n up thar about Munford some’rs, and he washed pap’s handlist washed it, mind you, and that was ever blessed thing he done it, and don’t you think he had the enshorance to charge $6. He lowed his price for washin’ of a hand was $8.50, but long as ’twas pap he wouldn’t charge him but six. Pap lowed if it had been his foot he reckoned he would havecharged him all he was worth, I tell you ma was mad; shorarredrand when ma rares.she rares. She was mad, ; and hopin’ mad at that, for old Miss Green wouldn’t have charged nothin’; leastways, she could have paid her in taters or sorghum, and she’d er washed it cleaner, too. “Six dollars!” says maw; “six dollars! Six dollars for what? For washin’ of a man’s hand, and never got it clean at that. Six dollars? Well, we'd all better Start out a washin* of hands,” and she grabbed a rag and scrubbed it good. ’Squire Eoberson laughed, and ’lowed it was worth $6 to git the dirt off’n it. “But he never got it oft,” says maw. I tell you it wasn’t no laughin’ matter to maw. But pap’s all right now; it, ain’t a hurtin’ of him, but he can’t pick no cotton, and it’s been so dry the cotton is openin’ monstrous fast, Our crops all prety good, but we afe afeard the taters is gwiue to be stringy. —Betsy Hamilton, in Atlanta Constitution.