Rensselaer Republican, Volume 17, Number 25, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 February 1885 — Page 3

Napoleon’s Watch.

. Bonaparte's mind was, in its details, low and ungentlemaplike. I suppose the narrowness of his early prospects and habits stuck to him > what we understand by gentlerhanlike feelings he knew nothing at all about; I’ll give you a curious instance. 7' I have a beautiful little watch, made by Breguet. at Paris, with a map of Spain most admirably enameled on the case. Sir Edward Paget bought it at Paris, and gave it to me. What do you think the history of this watch was—at least the history that r . Breguet told iPaget, and Paget Bonaparte had ordered it as a present to his brother, the King of Spain, but when he heard of the battle of Vittoria—he was then at Dresden in the midst of all the and negotiations of the armistice, and one would think sufficiently busy with other matters — when he heard of the batttie of Vittoria, I say, he remembered the watch he had. ordered for one whom he saw would never be King of Spain, and with whom he was angry for the loss of the battle, and he wrote from Dresden to countermand the watch, and if it should be ready, to forbid it being sent. The best apology one can make for this strange littleness is that he was offendwith Joseph; but even in that case a gentlemen would not have taken the moment when the poor devil had lost his chateaux en Espagne to take away his wateh also. . All those codicils to his will in which he bequeathed millions to the right and left, and among others left a legacy to the fellow who was accused of attempting to asssassinate me, is another proof of littleness of mind. The property he really had he had already made his discposition of. For the payment of all those high-sounding legacies there- was not the shadow of a fund. He might as well have drawn bills for ten millions on that pump at Aidgate. [We had on' oiir way driven past it.] While he was writing all these magnificent donations he knew that they were all in the air—all a falsehood. For my part, I can see no magnanimity in a lie; and I confess that I think one who could play such tricks but a shabby fellow. — Croker’s Conversations with the Duke of Wellington.

The Modern Shakspeare.

“A chilly evening this, Andromeda !” “And quite in keeping with thy wooing, sirrah.” “So, ho! Now blows the wind in troublous quarters, quotha! From what new quiver of thy mind’s caprice did’st pluck this arrow of suspicion, maid?” “From none, Sir Apathy ! If thou art stabbed, ’tis with an icicle of thine unconcern. ”

“My unconcern! Great Socrates forbid! In all the scroll of me iniquities there is no item that will semblance that." “Yet such is e’en the later accusation of thy lips. There was a time when thou did’st kiss as thou would’st drain the fountain of the heart, but recent pressures of thy dainty lips are light as a merest shred of thistle-down.”

“Ha, ha! here’s freshness for thee. Dost thou know ”

“Aye! Well I know by that thou lovest me not. The devotee at love’s ecstatic shrine tips not the portal of his idol’s breath as if ’twere there the small-pox bred its germs. The bee that seeks for nectar i’ the bud doth sometime linger at the precious mine, and only spinsters, loveless grown and sere, or toothless churls with souls o’er given to gold, do kiss as waning Romeos do kiss. ” “Be all the comely comities of Cupid, I like that well! Me little doxy fancies not this touching lips! She pouts at kisses that do shallow seem as flakes of ice that hint at winter’s birth. Enough, sweet angel, but another day and this same gum-boil that has tamed me suit will leave no trace of its restrainmg power, and then I’ll fatten on thy ruby Ups as one who knew no other fount of sustenance. Nay, an’ thou cravest kisses—kisses with sweet duration in their visitings—and taste of heaven just a gliff beyond, I’ll give thee such till thou dost think the god of love hath given thee bon ; bons for thy nourishment, and banked thy mouth with pyramids of jam.”— Yonkers Ga zette.

A Paving Inspector.

“ What’s this man doing here?” ,“ Why, he’s the Paving Inspector.” “ Of what use is he?” “ Well—um. He gets $3 per day.” “ For what?’ “ To inspect.” “ What does he inspect?” “ Nobody knows. When the contractor on the excavation begins work the Paving Inspector appears. He looks over the street and nods his head. He walks up and down and thinks of his $3 a day. He sits around on the curbstones and shakes his heads in the most solemn manner.” “But if he failed to show up?” “O, that would make no difference. What the contractor doesn’t know the inspector can’t teach him. Sometimes they are not even personally acquainted, and nobody ever heard of an Inspector giving any orders on a job.” “ Doesn’t he throw out suggestions?” “ Very rarely. He sometimes suggests that it is a cold day, or that a glass of beer would just touch the spot, but further than that he never goes. Some folks think the excavator might dig right down to China if the Inspector was not on hand, but that is a delusion.” v “ And when the excavating is finished?” “ Then the excavator packs up and leaves, but the Inspector sticks the closer. He is there when the sand is drawn in. He may know sand from blue clay, but is not required to. He . may know the paver, but he has nothing to say to him. Wnen the blocks come he may pick up one now and then, turn it over and over to see whether it be walnut or cedar, and then lay it down with a trembling sigh, but that’s all. When the blocks are all laid be remains to see the hot tar poured on and the gravel spread out. He knows hot tar from mineral paint, and he knows gravel from clover, seed, but his knowledge is thrown away. When the street is opened for traffic he certifies to that' effect, and his tre-

mendous mental and physical labors are conclude#—except to draw his pay.” —Detroit Free Press. [

Two Americans.

Some years ago an emigrant from the United States kept a small restaurant in a town situated in one of the great stock-raising districts of South Australia. He was, presumably, the only Yankee of those parts. There was an enormously rich olj stockman who came into town from his lordly cattle range at intervals whose nationality was a matter of doubt, though he usually passed for a taciturn and uncommunicative bachelor Scotchman. One day this wealthy but solitary old qhap entered the restaurant of the man from the States. When he left he looked hard at the proprietor, and then simply remarked : “American, aren’t you?” On being answered in the affirmative the millionaire cow-puncher walked away without another word. Regularly once a week he reappeared, ate a hasty lunch, and made the same stereotyped remark, receiving the same emphatic “Yes, siree!” in reply. At last there came a time when the eccentric old customer did not return. One month went by—two. At last a wagon stopped at the door, and the old fellow, pale and wasted with sickness, was helped out and supported, the saloon. He called for his usual steak with a weak but dogged determination, ate a morsel, and then tottered up to the counter. As he paid his bill he whispered, haorsely: “American, aren’t you?” “You bet,” replied the proprietor, pleasantly. Stretching out his shaking hand, the old customer said: “Shake; so am I.” ‘ Then he tottered aiway without another word. Three days afterward a lawyer came into our countryman’s place and told him that the queer old guy out on the Thompson range had died and left him a cool $1,000,000. — San Francisco Post.

A Hungry Artist.

Luis de Morales was born in 1509, and was the first Spanish painter who acquired a reputation outside of his own country. His subjects were all religious, and he was called “El Diviho, ” or “the divine,” on this account. When Morales was fifty-five years old, Philip 11. invited him to court. When he appeared before the King, he wore so magnificent a costume that Philip was angry, and ordered a sum of money to be paid the artist, and a dismissal sent him at the same time. So mortified was Morales that he forsook his art and fell into great poverty. In 1581, Philip visited Badajoz and saw Morales in a very different dress from that which he had worn at court. “Morales, you are very old,” said the King. “Yes, sire, and very poor,” replied the painter. Philip then commanded that two hundred ducats of the crown rents of Badajoz should be given each year to the painter to supply him With dinners. Hearing this, Morales exclaimed “And for supper, sire ?”

This aptness so pleased the King that he added one hundred ducats to the pension, and these sums gave Morales comfort for the rest of his days. The street in Badajoz in which he lived still bears his name.— St. Nicholas.

Unsupported in His Reformation.

“Mah,’’said little Johnnie Jarphly, with all the earnest intensity of innocent childhood, on his return from Sunday-school last Sabbath, “I’m going to be a good boy now—a real good boy. ” Mrs. Jarphly said she was deeply gratified to hear it, but evidently was a trifle skeptical. “Our Sunday-school teacher told us that if we’d be good we d be happy, an’ that’s why I’m going to be good;” and the heir of the Jarphlys retired to the parlor, and, seating himself on a chair by_ the window, attempted _to spear p, blue bottle-fly with a pin. After a few moments so employed he called out, “Mah, can’t I have a piece of lemon pie ? ” “No, Johnnie, you’ve had enough,” replied his mother. “But I want a piece.” “You cannot have it, John. Stop kicking that chair. Take your dirty boots off that cushion, instanter, sir! Do you want to destroy the parlor furniture ? I thought you said you were going to be a good boy?” , “What’s the use of being good if you don’t get nothing for it?” dejectedly remarked Johnnie.— Pittsburgh Chronicle.

The Accommodating Drummer.

When a drummer has made up his mind to sell a merchant goods, the merchant might as well make up his mind to buy. A Dallas merchant refused to buy any whisky from a St. Louis liquor drummer. “It’s not worth while showing me your samples,” said the merchant in a very determined manner; “I have no cellar to store any wine, even if I wanted to buy.” The drummer put up his samples, and disappeared. Half an hour afterward he burst into the merchant’s counting room, his face radiant with joy. “Allow me to congratulate you. Everything is arranged.” “What’s arranged?” “All about the cellar. I have hunted you up a cellar, and rented it ,for you at S4O a month.— Texas Siftings.

Splendid Honors.

The public should note the fact that the only proprietary medicine on eaith that ever received the supreme award of Gold Medal at the great International World Fairs, Industrial Expositions and State Fairs, is St. Jacobs Oil. After the most thorough and practical tests, in hospitals and elsewhere, it his universally triumphed over all competitors, and been proclaimed by Judges and Jurors, including eminent physicians, to be the best pain-curing remedy in existence.

Why They Wear Long Hair.

A cowboy gives three reasons why they wear tbeir hair long—it is hard to get it cut on the plains, it keeps their ears warm in the winter, and it makes the Indians think they are brave.

When in the Wrong Channel The bile wreaks grievous injury. Headaches, constipation, pain in the liver and stomach, jaundice, nausea ensue. A few doses of Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters will reform these evils and prevent further injury. It is a pleasant aperlent/its action upon the bowels being unaocompanied t>y griping. The liver is both regulated ‘ and stimulated by it, and as it is very impolitic to disregard disorder of that organ, which through neglect may culminate in dangerous congestion and hepatic absSess, the Bitters should be resorted to at an early stage. Failure to do this renders a contest with the malady more protracted. Fever and ague, rheumatism, kidney and bladder troubles, are remedied by this fine medicine, and the increasing infirmities of age mitigated by it. It may be also used in convalescence with advantage, as it hastens the restoration of vigor.

Napoleon’s Meanness.

The selection from the letters and dispatches of the first Napoleon, which has been published, with explanatory notes by Mr. Denis Bingham, is very interesting reading, for they form an excellent and authentic record of an extraordinary man, who was a singular mixture of the greatest talents and of the meanest qualities. Napoleon is often reproached for his lies, and the phrase “menteur eomme un buHetin” was invented to characterize his official mode of announcing his military sucoessfes. This I have always thought unfair, for the object of a General is to deceive his opponent in many matters, and if this can be done by means of a bulletin, why should he not adopt this method? The worst trait in Napoleon was his jealousy o#Nhs own Generals, and his persistenfNndeavors to lessen their services in drder to aggrandize his own.— London Truth. Young men or middle-aged ones, suffering from nervous debility and kindred weaknesses, should send three letter stamps for illustrated book suggesting sure means of cure. Address World’s Medical Association, Buffalo, N. Y. . ■ A fellow feeling makes us wondrous blind. i

Important. When you visit or leave New York City, save Baggage Expressage and Carriage Hire, and stop at the Grand Union Hotel, opposite Grand Central Depot: 600 elegant rooms fitted up at a cost of bile million dollars, reduced to $1 and upwards per day. European plan. Elevator, Restaurant supplied with the best. Horse cabs, stage,and elevated railroad to all depots. Families can live better for less money at the Grand Union than at any first-class hotel in the city. Mormons hold faith in a religious rc-wive-all. . ■ Horsford’s Acid Phosphate, IN DEBILITY. Dr. W. H. Holcombe, New Orleans, La., says: “I found it an admirable remedy for debilitated state of the system, produced by the wear and tear of the nervous energies.” A base deceiver is fit for nothing but p'aying ball. The secret of tho large and'consjtant sales of Mys.Pinkiiam's Vegetable Compound probably lies in the tact that whereas there are many “Bitters" and “Tonics” of equal Value, be it more or less, the Vegetable Compound is so completely superior to all other preparation ■ specially recommended for the needs of women that it has practically no rivals. A Connecticut man has invented a paper carpet. Of course it will be road. Low Rates to Inauguration Ceremonies at Washington. Mr. E. A. Ford, General Passenger Agent of the Pennsylvania lines, west of Pittsburg, announces the following low first-class rates for tickets over the Pennsylvania lines to Washington and return, on the occasion of President Cleveland’s inauguration, March 4th, next. The original rates proposed by Mr. Ford for this purpose were considerably less than these, but because of a determination on the part of his competitors that higher rates should prevail, the figures named below were finally adopted as a compromise: From Chicago to Washington and return, S2O. Solid trains of coaches and Pullman sleeping cars will be run to Washington over the Pennsylvania lines from their various termini in the West, and Mr. Ford assures us that the standard of excellence in all that pertains to the transportation and care of their patrons, for which these lines are already famous, shall be fully maintained on this occasion. For particulars, address C. W. Adams, Assistant General Passenger Agent, No. 65 Clark street, Chicago, 111. Are You Discouraged? Has your physician failed to arrest the disease from which you are suffering? Are you losing faith in medicines, and growing alarmed at your condition?" Then give Compound Oxygon a trial. Write to Drs. Starkey & Palen, 110 • Girnnl st., I’hila., for their treatise oh Compound Oxygen. Sent free. The last place In the word for a man to economize is In buying a Cough Medicine, yet there are many who will go to their druggist and, instead pf asking for Allen’s Lung Balsam, the best Cough Syrup he has in bls store, they will take anything at all (if it is only cheap) that may be offered. These same peop e would exercise more care and thought while buying bread and cheese for their famill. g, where different qualities were to be had, and would always take the best. Ought they not, where life and death is at stake, exercise at least a« much care? I have had catarrh m head and nostrils for ten years so bad that there were great sores in my -nose, and one place was eaten through. I got Ely’s Cream Balm. Two bottles ffid the work, but am still using it. My nose and head are well. 1 feel like another man.—Chas. S. McMillen, Sibley, Jackson Co., Mo. , Thebe was a young lady quite’fair, Who had much trouble 'with her hair, . , So she bought Carboline And a sight to be seen , 7.2 Is the head of this maiden, I declare. From Col. C. 11. Mackey, 32d lowa Infantry: I have now been using Ely’s Cream Balm for three months and am experiencing no trouble from Catarrh whatever. I have been a m erer for twenty years.—C. H. Mickey, Sigourney, lowa.

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The leptons distiliment, whose effect ? !- Holds stieh an enmity with blood of man. That, swift as quicksilver, it court through The natural gates and alleys of the body, ■' and causes the skin to become “barked about, most lazaMikd, with vile and loath-, some erbat." Such are the effects of diseased and morbid bile, the only antidote fog which Is to cleanse and regulate the liver—an office admirably performed by Dr. Pierce’S “Golden Medical Discovery.” Europe Is always governed by the powwow behind the throne. It's no secret that Dr. Pierce’s Compound Extract of Smart-Weed is composed of best genuine French Brandy, distilled Extract of Smart-Weed, and Jamaica Ginger Root, with Camphor Essence, and constitutes, therefore, the befit remedy yet known for colic or cramps, cholera morbus, diarrhoea, dysentery, or bloody-fiux, ot to break up colds, fevers, and Inflammatory attacks. 50 cents. By druggists. It hurts nothing to drop a conversation that is out of place. • f ,- ~ —I- The Combination of Ingredients used in making Brown’s Bronchial Troches is such as to give the best possible effect with safety. They are the best remedy in use for Coughs, Colds, and Thrpat Diseases. Pain and Dread attend the use of most Catarrh remedies. Liquids and snuffs are unpleasant as well as dangerous. Ely’s Cream Balm is safe, pleasant, easily applied with the finger, and a sure cure. It cleanses the nasal passages and heals the inflamed membrahe, giving relief from the first application. 50 cents at druggists. 60c. by mail. Ely Bros., Owego, N. Y.

DR. JOHN BULL’S Smitli'sToiiicSM FOR THE CURE OF FEVER andACUE Or CHILLS and FEVER, AND ALL MALARIAL DISEASES The proprietor of this celebrated medicine justly claims for it a superiority over all remedies ever offered to the public for 1 the SAFE, CERTAIN, SPEEDY and PERMANENT cure of Ague and Fever, or Chills and Fever, whether of short or long standing. He refers to the entire Western and Southern country to bear him testimony to the truth of the assertion that in no case whatever will it fail to cure if the directions are strictly foHowed and carried out. In a great many oases a single dose has been sufficient for a cure, and whole families have been cured by a single bottle, with a perfect restoration of the general health. It is, however, prudent, and in every case more certain to cure, if its use is continued in smaller doses for a week or two after the disease has been checked, more especially in difficult and long-standing cases. Usually this medicine will not require any aid to keep the bowels in good order. Should the patient, however, require a cathartic medicine, after having taken three or four doses of the Tonic, a single doee of BULL'S VEGETABLE FAMILY FILLS will be sufficient BULL’S SARSAPARILLA is the old and reliable remedy for impurities of the blood and Scrofulous affections —the King of Blood Purifiers. DR. JOHN BULL’S VEGETABLE WORM DESTROYER is prepared in the form of candy drops, attractive to the sight and pleasant to the taste. DEk. JOHN BULL’S SMITH’S TONIC SYRUP, BULL’S SARSAPARILLA, BULL’S WORM DESTROYER, The Popular Remedies of the Day. Principal Office. 881 Main St, LOUISVILLE, KT. GOES ANHCCDJM. Any Fool can Destroy—Only the Man with Valuable Material can Save—Beader, take Warning Before it is too Late. The summer of 1880 contributed largely to the records of disaster and death. Stupidity, ignorance, and carelessness can take life; any fool can destroy. But the ability to restore, to crush disease, to make life worth having, is the joint product of nature and education. For this reason Dr. David Kennedy, of Rondout, N. Y., has cause to be both proud and thankful that his name is gratefully mentioned by so many whom he has healed or helped. “Kennedy’s Favorite Remedy” has become a household word. Everybody, sooner or later, gets sick, and sickness Is both wearisome and costly. “Favorite Remedy” steps in at this point. It is not expensive and it is efficient. For all Diseases of the Blood, Bilious Disorders, Kidney Complaint, Constipation, and the aches and ills which make the domestic life of women a cross so hard to bear, “Kennedy’s Favorite Remedy" has been successfully used by thousands. It will build up a system which has been run down by overwork. It is the thing for the student and literary man to have at hand and should be in the home of every mechanic. “Favorite Remedy” is economical, safe, and pleasant. Buy it and try it; or, if you need advice as well, write to Dr. KeAnedy. who is in active practice as a surgeon and physician at Rondout, N. Y. "Dr. Kennedy’s Favorite Remedy” for sale by all druggists.

GOLDEN SKAT, BITTERS. B Broken down invalids, d« you wish to gain flesh, to ac<iuire an appetite, to enjoy a , regular habit of body, to obI, tain refreshing sleep, to feel E md know that every fibre 5 uid tissue of your system is v oeing braced up and reno- £■ vated? If so commence at C once a course of GOLDEN LSKAL BITTERS. In one week you will be convalescent. In a month you will be well. Don’t despair because you have a weak constitution. Fortify the. body against disease by Z pnnfylng all the fluids with £ GOLDEN SEAL BITTERS. S No epidemic can take hold ft of a system thus forearmed. ! ’ The liver, the stomach, the w bowels, the kidneys, are r rendered disease proof by this great invigorant. Ruinous bills for medical attendance may be avoided by counteracting the first symptoms of sickness with this great German remedy. They are recommended from friend to friend, and the sale increases daily. We warrant a cure. GOLDEN SEAL BITTERS CO.. Holland City. Mich. Sold by all druggists. Take no others. n * QflQ Sample Book, Premium List, Price List sent UAtlUd free. V. 8. CARD CO, Centerbrook, Conn I E A Dll Telegraphy,or Short-Hand and Type I EAnn Writing Here. Sitnations furnished, fa Address VALENTINE BROS- Janesville, Wis._ nriiCinilO to Soldiers and Bern. Send stamp rtNSIunS £ PATENTS Hand-Book FREE. I ft I fell I R. S. &A, P. LACEY, Patent AtTys, Washington, D, C. VII Him E INFORMATION free of charge to WALUADIE all afflicted wi i CATARRH. COt'GHS, COLDS OR SOKE THROAT, whereby a permanent cure can be effected with but very little expense, by sending address to J. M. TAYLOR A CO.. Manufacturing Chemists, 78 & 80 Dearborn Street, Chicago. NEWSDEALERSKSJg CHICAGO LEDGER. It sens on sight, and always pleases readers. For Fan and Fiction it ha< no eoual In the United States. For sample, aidress The Western News Co- Chicago, Hl- or THE CHICAGO LEDGER, «71 Franklin Street, Chicago, 18. (A. REED & SONS A , : PIANOS. y New Piano Catalogue I N, w Organ Catalogue I tOT Maned Free. REED'S TEMPLE OF MChICT 136 State Street, CHICAGO.

CommiSeiissAta . » .. • . ■ ’* * ■ • ' ' ' He Who Becomes a Treasurer of Money for Another Is Respon- - slble for a Safe Return. --7 How much more responsible is he who has in charge the health and life of a human being. We have considered well the responsibility, and in preparing our ALLEN’S LUNG BALSAM,which for twenty-five years has been favorably known as one of the best and purest remedies for all Throat and Lune Diseases, we are particular to use nothing but the best ingredients. NO OPIUM in any form enters its composition. It is to your Interest to stand by the old and tried remedy, ALLEN’S LUNG BALSAM, and see that a bottle is always kept on hand for immediate use. READ THE FOLLOWING , . NEW EVIDENCE: Addison. Pa., April 7,1883. I took a violent cold and It settled on my lungs, so much so that at times I spit blood. ALLEN’fikLVNG BALSAM was recommended to me wi goodremeuy. I took it. and am now sound and well. Yours respectfully, A. J. HILEMAN, Addison, Pa.. April, 1888. > A. J. COLBOM, Esq., Editor of the Abmerse* IleniM, writes: I can recommend ALLEN’S LUNG BALSAM as being the best remedy for Colds and Coughs I ever used. - Astoria, April 6,1888. Gentlemen:—l can cheerfully say your ALLEN’S LUNG BALSAM, which I have sold for the past fifteen years, sells better than any cough remedy, and gives general satisfaction. ”Hb frequently recommended by the medical profession here. - Yours truly, H. C. MOONEY, Druggist. La Fayette, RI 1., Ort. 12.1884. Gentlemen:—Allow me to say that after using three bottles of ALLEN’S LUNG BALSAM for a bad attack of Bronchitis.l am entirely cured. I send this voluntarily, that those afflicted maybe benefited. Yours respectfully, Bt'RRILL H. DAVIS. J. N. HARRIS & CO (Lifflitet) Props. CINCINNATI, OHIO. FOR SALE by all MEDICINE DEALERS. „ - will par any intelligent man or woman reeking profitable employment to write for Illustrated Circular and terms of Agency for thia Celebrated Washer, by reason of Ito intrinsic merit ’WiSßKm'wWto meet I ng with such wonderful success J. WORTH, CHICAGO. ILL ..or ST, LOUIS. MO DffIFOKGET There is no infirmity so oppressive and bur--1 densome to the human mind as that tired feeling of which so many complain on the approach of serious disorders. The depression and despondency of spirit attendingthisstate are immeasurable. That constant drain that is taking from your system all its former elasticity, driving the bloom from your cheeks; that continued strain upon your vital •forces, rendering you Irritable and fretfuL DON’T FORGET, all of these aliments can be easily removed and permanently cured, by the use of , HOPS I MALT BITTERS Recommended by physicians, ministers and nurses. I prescribe Hops and MAIZT Bitters regularly in my practice.—ROßEßT TURNER, M. D., Flat Rock, Mich. If you cannot get Hops aadMAtT Bitters of your druggist we will send it, express paid, on receipt of regu'ar price. 81 per bottle. We prefer that you buy it from your druggist; but if he has not got it, do not be persuaded to try something else, but order at once from us as directed. Do not get Hops and HALT Bitter* confounded with other inferior preparations of similar name. Take nothing but Hops and MALT Bitter*. HOPS & MALT BITTERS CO.. Detroit, Mich.

BUY NORTHERN CROWN SEEDS. tiller f lowers, Vegetables and Crops, than our reliable Northern Crown Seedg. IfSjM All tested. Don’t buy worthies.* Seed* when for jessmoney ouiw are delivered FREE mSKS V*wsrT**l BY MAI Lat your door. Catalogue free. JOHN A. BALXER, La Crew", Wla.

1100,000 ROYAL PRESENTS!! I jam a Xjioxx* Loan. A-t a Very Low Rate. ■ fTIHE publishers of the Chicago Port and Castries' desire to secure MOOO subscribers. Only■ X 37,0u0 more subscribers needed before the Grand Distribution takes place. April *, 1883. For SOM cents we will mall you our paper « mouth* on trial, and immediately send you a numbered Receipt, ■ which will entitle the holder to one of the following presents. All these presents will be given to these ■ new 100,000 subscriber*. ■ PARTIAL I.IST OF PBJMWTSTO BIGITD AWiTI ■ LOCaah presence of •1,000 each; 1C UA. Bond*. SCO* each; IO V. •. Ore«nkaeks,H •100 each; 100 V. t. SresOscU, »lOe«li| I.OOS wuhPresssUsf Si eash)l Gwm3 Square Flmsot 1 Grand Cabinet Organ; 100 Eadies' CeM Watehee, S4O eaelsi 1O» •»- ▼er Hunting-Case Watehes, *9O each I 100 •Cesn-Wlndlac M9ekel-C**se Watches. each; 50 Iredlee’ Chatelaine Watchereach) CO BoyV Silver Watches, each; SOO Waterbury Watehes, SS &O each: SO Ladle.’ Gold Meek Chains, •!» each; M Gents’ Gold Chains. CSS each) SO Indies’ Gold Bracelets, NIC eaehi io Sliver Olnnew Services, BIOS each: IO Silver Tea Seta, MOO eaeht IO Sets Farter Furniture, SISO each; SOO Solid Gold Bings, SO each; SOO Set. Solid Silver Teaspoons, OteaeettC Bicycles. SOO eaeht 1 matched pair Trotting Horses, 81,000; 500 psUrsZadleo* Roller Skates; 500 pairs Boys' Boiler Skates; and hundreds of other uaefW aad valuable »*■*■ ents, which we can not enumerate here. All the above presents will be awarded In a fair aad lapartial manner. Presents will be sent to any part of the United States or Canada. Every person sending ne 60 cents for a C-monfh***trial subscription to our paper is also privileged to apply for a loan, to be made out trt advertising profits, the amount borrowed being permitted to remain unpaid as long as the borrower remains a subscriber and keeps the Interest paid. On the basis of 260000 circulation (which will probably be doubled) the business and profits will approximate as follows: RECEIFTOi— 2SO,OOO yearly subscribers, tmfififi; 1,000 inches advertising. tZSO per line. «15 per Inch, 241»«ue*, tfifiCLOO*-, total, (MBUMO. KXPJEWkBds— For paper and press work, 2B0,(X» copies, 24 Issues, *200,000: editorial work ofitoe. repairs, etc.. *39,000; MEMOJPreaents, *40,000; total, *285,000; leaving a net profit of *345.000. Forthls enormous profltfor sale of advertising .space the Chicago Post and Courier depestds on its SfifiOOsubserlbers. for advertiser* pay for spaco in proportion to circulation. With but 25,000 circulation the profits would Tbs but a tenth of the amount Therefore as subscriber* are doing u* a favor when they send us their name*. we desire to return favor fW favor- Any subscriber who desires to borrow from *IOO to (909 at 4 per cent, the principal to stand If desired, as long a* the borrower remains a subscriber, should so state when he send* nsM cants Mr a tasoathk trial subscription to our paper. si nuniTinUC ■ Loan* made pro rata, not leas than (WOnormore than m. First yea*** Interest a*4 au ueuC uUHill I IUROs to be deducted from amount loaned. Tour Individual note la alltbesecurUyaaknd.ps*vlded you will send the names of several of your neighbor* J. 1 "1 -m to whom we can refer—not a* to the amount of property you are worth but as to your good character. Kvery Subscriber tTTSrT.T S’ - must poeitteely agree to show the paper and present to Ms 'J I friends and neighbors. When a loan Is made, the adjotalng JIT it’- •< form of note will be sent with the money to the subscriber'* jZrZtaiw a- nrtrctaalefthtaaotawlllbedenearest bank or express office, and no note need be signed rus'i* w bsaom nayabls tsneept a* my until the money la paid over.# Send the names of several pieaswvi, aalongaalreutaln a£a&l-«pan£ references, and Immediate inquiry will be made. If no loan aerfbsr to the above named pager. Is desired, no reference* need be sent. (I*U) ...

900 GOLD WATCHES FREEI r-gg-WHO W ILL SEND THE QUICKEST' I Tou on In m»klng up the above ll»t ot present*, wo decided to reserve MOOO ■ getthig to be dividedequslly among the first 800 subscriber* received. If yea ■ A Md VatA send SOcent* you will be entitled to one receipt good for <mepr*sou,»ud ■ ■ . if your letter Is among the first 900 received you will also be entlUad to I* ■ fee a beautiful gold watch. The watch Is one third larger than the picture. KAM. We will send a printed list of the awards, free, and all presents will be ■ w vta. forwarded to holders of receipt* as they may direct. A list I If you of watch winner* will be published In our paper. Thefi* ■ (art a* awe. cents you send us I* the regular price for (months, therefore FA you pay nothing for the pre«ent. Subscribe at once. Don't waltaday. We will send you thepaper ( month* and 2 numbered receipt* good for 2 present*. If you *end u* 75 cent*. Bend*l and the paper win be mailed you 1 year and 3recelpts good for 3 pr sent*. Get 5 friend* to Join von, and send *2.50, and we will send the paper » months and 1 num- j hQa bered receipt for each of your »übscrlber» and 1 extra for nKHL Sour trouble. I’o'ltlvely r.o further postpouemet.t. Send snbtnrlners with KI. and we will send you 12 snbacrtptlons and 13 receipts Th!* offer Is good only until UWE April »5,1585. We have 2:3/j(» subscribers already, and I only require 37.000 more to hare the deeired number. Our old patrons and subscribers, whom we number by (Aou- WtfsS taruls. should go to work at once and help us increase our list by this grand and generous offer. AMI Y *?n fiFMTS Secures our paper 6 months on USLI 3U llCnla trial and one receipt good for one present. A* to our reliability, we refer to any Bank or Mercantile Agency. Hemember these are presents to onr subscriber*, zlv- n to them abaolutelyfree. This is a chance of a lifetime Me try* troy to vour fuiurr fortune. Every subscriber get* * r prixe. 1 fortune may be vourt If you will but etretek forth, your hand to re'-etrn it. It coats only 30 cents to try ■■■■■■■■■EMBaSSBIMIMSIIM —ioitpoeeible you willletitpaeer Tostage stamp*take* from place* where a Postal Note ean noth* obtained. Remit by Postal Xote, piat* envelop* oranggm Address Chicago Post and Courier, Morrison Sld’g, O*r. dark Start Calken ften,

xQk Rd U. AWARE Lorillard’s Climax Plug bearing a red tin tap; that Lorlltard’s Rose Leaf fine out; that Lorlltard's Navy Clippings, and that Lorillard’s Snuflis, are tne.best aza* cheapest, quality considered 7 RAGAN'S Magnolia Balm is a secret aid to beauty. Many a lady owes her freshness to it, who would rather not tell z and you oau’i tell

I "MARTLAND, MT MARYLAND." ♦ • ♦ -Pretty Wives. Lovely daughters, ana ttoble men.’ “My farm lies to a,rather low and miatmatic'Situation, and . ’ “My wife!’ -WhO?’ , “Wa« a very pretty blonde!" Twenty years ago, became ' I “Sallow!” “Hollow-eyed!” “Withered and aged!” Before her time, from “Malarial vapors, though she made no particular complaint, not being of the grumpy kind, yet causing me great uneasiness. “A short time ago I purchased your remedy for one of the children, who had a very severe attack of biliousness, and it occurred to me that the remedy might help my ’Wife, as I found that our little girl upon recovery had “Lost!” “Her sallownesa, and looked as fresh as a new-blown daisy. Well, the story 1 is soon ' told. My wife to-day has gained her oldtime beauty with compound interest, and is now as handsome a matron (if I do say it myself) as can be found to this county t which is noted for pretty women. And I have only Hop Bitters to thank for it. «. “The dear creature just looked over my shoulder and says, ‘I can flatter equal to the days of our courtship,’ and that reminds mo that there might be more pretty wives if my brother farmers would do as I have deme.” Hoping you may long be spared to do good- I thankfully remain, C. L. Jambs. Beltsville, Prince George Co., Md.,) May 26th, 1883. f SWNone genuine without a bunch of greeu Hops on the white label. Shun all the vile, ppm* onous stnff with “ Hop” or **Hope’ r tn ihrtr nsme. "W. X>U JU JET ATK Wayne, Du Fags Co., DUnsb, HAS IMPORTED FROM FfcAHCE Perehma B.reeeyalaeS •teS.OO« > aoe > 16 PER CERT OF ALL RORJEO EVER IMPORTED TO AMERICA. STOCK ON KANB* xo ° \lmportedßroe4lam 7 SBO I Stallion I Old enough for | serrice, lOOCOLTB \ ysare oi«l ssd IralKwSy rfple accepted by. all may be coMto be, tt their pedigrees are not recorded, andeaanot be aatbenticaliv Hren.thcy should be valned only Mgradea.l vlUDeilan Imported Itoch ad Grade Prleet when I cannot furnMb vi£h tho animal aold pedigree verified by,the Ech cert ifleateot if» number and record In thokind :in France. 40 Pogo Cataiaaae rent free. It* (rated with Six Prize Horseaot the Exhibition of the Jociete Blppi<niePerchmmne ot France, 188*1 trarehased by ft. W. Dunham and drawn from life by Rees Baake.r, the moat famous, ot all aninulealntara. CONSUMPTION. I bare a potltlro remedy for tho abort dlaaaae; by Ua o»o thousand, of ease, of the worst kind and of long , taudlnsharo been cured. Indeed, «o strong la my faith in Itoemcaey.tlrntlwlH sandTWO BOTTLES FUSS, together wl th aVA I.tTA BT.B TBE ATISN on this disease Co any sufferer. Give express and F O. sddrta. DB. T. A. SLOCUM. I*l rearlSL, Xsw Tort.

I | C.M.U. . Nss.S-85. TYTHEN WRITING TO ADVERTISERS, vv please say yo* saw tbs astwert l*«i*Mfi " ****** | P»P cr ' | FOR Man and Beast Mustang Liniment is older than most men, and used more and more every year.