Rensselaer Republican, Volume 17, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 January 1885 — PTTH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PTTH AND POINT.

Not a Bostonfamina , A new way to pay old debts —pay them. It requires two fools to make a successful newspaper paragraph—one to write and the other to laugh at it. Carl Pretzel’B Weekly. He—My dear, we must discharge the coachman. She —But we haven’t any daughter. He —Not yet, but we may have, and I’m not going to take any risk.—Progress. “How boES the milk get into the cocoanut?” asks a subscriber. It does not get in at aIL The cocoanut grows around the milk. Ask us a hard one. — Burlington Hawkeye. A Vermont man thinks he has at last found -the location of the Garden of Eden. It is in the Maniton Island, Miohigan, which are without saloon, doctor, or lawyer. — Burlington Free Press. The law can never make a man honest. But sometimes, however, it makes him deucedly uncomfortable when he is dishonest and gets caught in his thieving practices. — Carl Pretzel’s Weekly. “How are you coming out in your parish?” asked an Episcopal Bishop of one of his rectors. The rector who Was a speculator in cotton before he became converted, lifted up his eyes aud said: “I am long on slippers and book marks, but rather short on suspenders.”— Texas Siftings. WOMANCE AND WEAIiTX. He raised his eye to heaven. Said he: ‘‘What can I do To prove trne to you That 11l be twen , Forever, dear, with fihoda?" She raised her eyes to his’n. “Well, let me see,” said she, “You’re very kernel, If yon don’t meind, A glass of lemon soda.” —Life.

During the Franco-Chinese war in 1860 there appeared a cartoon representing a number of Chinese soldiers arranged in single file, each bestowing a kick on the man in front. Appended were these words: “Tne Emperor of China establishing a line of communication which enables him to testify to his generals his august displeasure.”— Charivari. At a wine party of young men at one of the colleges, notes ol apology were handed in from two of the proposed guests, who were unable to attend, owing to the death of their father. A young gentleman, heir to a considerable property, who had been partaking freely of the hospitalities of the festive board, suddenly burst into tears. "Was this dear old gentleman a friend of yours ?” asked the sympathetic host. “No, no, it’s not that,” sobbed the guest; “only—l was just thinking—everybody’s father dies but mine 1” A Hoxbury lady recently employed a washerwoman who came well recommended, and who soon made herself very agreeable. Mrs. S ’s front name is Annie, while the washerwoman bears the name of Sarah. Monday Sarah reported for work, and during the forenoon Mrs. S., who happened to be in the kitchen, said: “I guess I shall have to oall you Sarah hereafter, Mrs. M., it is so much shorter." “All right, mam, do, and I may oall you Annie. It come natural I used to work with an Annie years ago." Tableau.—Roxbury Advocate. There are losses which people suffer unconsciously, like that sustained by the geologist who hired a Scotch gillie to carry his bag of specimens across the mountains. “It was a heavy load, and just nothing hut stone,” said Donald relating his experience to a friend, “and I was not fool enough to drag the pebbles a guid ten miles. I just emptied the bag before I started, and filled it at the cairn I last came to, aud the gentleman was just as pleased.” The unlucky geologist was doubtless puzzled by the contents of the bag when he came to examine it later. “Does the man rush ?” “Yes, he is a rusher." “Why does he hurry along the street in that fashion ? Perhaps his house is afire.” “Perhaps he never had one. That man is a lawyer, who probably makes $lO a week. When he leaves his office he puts up a sign: ‘Back in three minutes; please wait!’ ” “But why does he rush!” “To make people think he is carrying the Supreme Court under his hat.” “Wouldn’t some of his creditors tackle him on the street if he didn’t put on so much steam?” “K’rect, my boy! You might guess a thousand times and not hit the nail any closer!” — Detroit Free Press.