Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 48, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 August 1884 — Page 2

OUR BLUK BLOOD. Two oent-.iries and a halt auo Off trudged to work with shouldered hoe A woman, harefoot, browned and rough, With pluck of Puritanic stuff. Hix lusty ch Idren tagged behind, Al. hatless, shook ss, uncontined. And happy aathe b rds that flew About them. Naught of books they knew, Save one they toad at twilight hour, Brought with them in the stanch Mayflovycr. ••♦ • ' ♦ A pretty lady thin and white. In a hammock singing light , Languishes, and in the aliade Devours rhyme and lomonKde, While bending near her lover sighs. . And gently fans aw . y the flies. She munners, “ Tis so nic that we Are neith< r of low family. But are of old Puritanic stock That landed uixin Plymouth Bock." Lampoon. •‘"SPACIALtt ..IM." Iwns mighty good-lookin’when I was young, Peert an’ black-eyed au’ sljm. With fellers Sunday nights, "Spacially Jim. The likeliest one of ’em all was he; Chi per, an’ han’som’, an’ trim. But I tossed up my head an’ made fun o the , ; gpwid, . 1 "Spaciady Jim! I said I had n’t no ’pinion o’ men. An’ I wouldn’t take stock in him! But they kep’ on a-coming in spite o’my talk, ’Spacially Jim! I got so tired o’ having them roun’ t"Sr acially J ini! > ——— I made up my mind rd settle down An’ take up with him. Sb we was mar- led one Sunday in church, "Twascrowded full to the brim; *T»as the only way to got rid o’ them all, ’Spacially Jim. , —77i<- Centtirif.

WEED AND WINDIN' BLADES.

YoungL;Henry Hayloidexperienced., much difficulty in finding, in his somewhat contracted sphere of operation, a vocation which would yield a pleasurable, not to say remunerative return. One day, after having experimented with quite a number of “callings,” inefuding a mild attempt in the pulpit, he heard that a school-teacher was greatly needed in a far-removed district, known as “Panter Walk.” He began the study of veterinary surgery, but not being very much taken with the profession, he decided to go at once to “Panter Walk” and begin the muchneeded course of instruction. Arriving, he found a small log school-house sparsely supplied with benches. The farmers whom he consulted, agreed that a school was the very thing they needed, but that no one could expect much “of a showin’ till arter the crops were laid by.” This was certainly discouraging, but as young Hayloidhad nothing else in view, he decided to remain and take his chances. When school opened, only two “scholars” made their appearance, the family property ot old Jim Socklaster. One was a “gangling” boy, whose awkward form and recklessness of gait, had won the appellation of “Windin’ Blades.” The girl, tall and, with a disposition to romp, was rather good-looking, and wore around her light hair a blue rib-bon—silken-streak of civilization. “And what is your name?” asked the teacher. " . „ _ “They call me Weed, sir,” she said. “Why did they give you such a name ?”

“Cause she growed so fast,” interrupted Windin’ Blades. As no other pupils came, Hayloid decided to go ahead regardless of numbers. It was with some trouble that the two students could be classified. Windin’ Blades had only one book, a tattered copy of “Paradise Lost," of which he could not read a line, and Weed had brought a work treating of agriculture among the ancient Egyptians. “Where did you get these books ?” asked the teacher, “A tramp gave ’em to us for a jug of buttermilk,” replied Windin' Blades. “Can your father read ?” “He can read little books, but he can’t read one as big as this.” “Your mother can doubtless read,” turning to the girl. “She can’t read how, but she uster could.” “Why can’t she read now?“ “Because the book she learned to read is dun lost There comes pap;" Old man Socklasterentered, nodded, and said: “Mornin’ to you, mornin’, sir. Got sort o’ slim prospeck.” “Yes the children don’t seem to be coming very rapidly. Old Socklaster was not disappointed at the “slim prospeck.” In fact, he was rather pleased to note what encouragement, above his neighbors, he was extending to the cause of education. .

“I reckin’ you’re goin’ to go right on with the undertakin jes’ the same as if you had a whole passel o’ scholars?” "Yes,” replied Hayloid, “I came here to teach and so long as I can secure the attendance of a single pupil, I shall continue to make my best efforts in behalf of learning.” “Glad to know it. Y’ou’re the only right sort o teacher we’ve had in this community for some time.” “By the v ay. Mr. Socklaster, these books with which your children have been provided are by no means appropriate.” "What's the matter with 'em?” "One treats of agriculture several thousand years ago, telling of wooden plows and ox thrashing machines; the other is a book which only advanced students can read and understand.” "Wall, the feller we got -them from said they waa good books, and he’s a older man than you are. -Better let ’em worry along with them books awhile, an’ airter they’ve dun learnt all there is in ’em, w’y then I’ll git some, better ones. Good day. Wush you mighty well with your undertakin’.” Fortunately, Hayloid had brought a few books for beginners. He had no trouble in effecting an exchange, for the bright fixtures settled at once the question as to their worth. Windin’ Blades and Weed had scarcely explored the mysteries of the alphabet, but they proved to be attentive,’ and evinced such a desire to learn that Hayloid did not regret having begun business with "such slim prospecks.” - The teacher boarded in a quiet family, where the sunlight that a little child brings was unknown, where a deaf, old man and a knitting old woman sat down nightly to the exploration of their own thoughts. All that Hayloid could got out of the old man was “hah”

—with one hand behind his ear —And as the old lady seemed Io drop a stitch everytime he addressed her,, she was allowed to pursue an uninterrupted course of self-investigation. Windin’ Blades and Weed, day after day, continued to be the only pupils. Corn was “laid by,’’ and the farmers’ boys had no particular work, to perform, yet the census of the school remained the same. To watch the development of Weed’s mind was an interesting study. She was remarkably bright, and learned with a readin ss which surprised Hayloid. Windin’ after all, was inclined to bridle. He had a passion lor carrying grasshoppers in his pockets. These insects occupied his entire time on the ground, and at last, after much experiment, he succeeded in harnessing them to a diminutive wagon which he had constructed. The teacher remonstrated with him coppering this worthless absorption, and once he spoke to his father, but the old man instead of being displeased, smiled until the tolmccc spit ran from the corners of his mouth. “Let him go,” he replied. “I was sorter o’ that turn myself when I was a boy,’ an’ daddy ’lowed that I wouldn’t amount to nothin’, but arter awhile I turned out to be the best plow boy in the country.”

Winter came, and still no other pupils appeared. By the bright log fire, while the snowstorm raged outside, Hayloid found himself better contented than he had ever been before, and his interest, instead of becoming less, grew greater. The teacher had at first decided that he would not beg for pupils, and on no occasion did lie request the; farmers to send their children. He was treated politely, yet he could see that the people of the noighbornood cared nothing for his society, but as this indifference was mutual he spent very little time in regret. One day Windin’ Blades failed to come, but Weed, with her face all aglow with healthful exercise, came as usual. When she had hung up her homespun cloak and shaken the snow from her bright hair, Hayloid asked : “Where is your brother?” “He ain’t here.” “I see he’s not hero, but where is he?” “At home.” “Why didn’t he come ?” “Had to go to mill.” “Weed, don’t you think that you are learning very rapidly ?” “Yes, sir.” “I don't think that I ever saw. any one make such progress; —You have a fine order of mind, and I hope that after I leave the neighborhood you will still pursue your studies,” “You are not thinking about leaving, are you ?” looking up with eyes in which there lurked shadows of sadness. ■ —== “I shall not leave immediately, but in justice to myself I can not remain here much longer.” She twisted the flax home-made button on her dress, and gazed fixedly at the roaring logs. “Do you want mo to stay here?” he asked. ‘ Yes,” twisting the button. “But you know that I cannot stay here always.” “No,” she replied, with brightening eyes, “we can’t stay anywhere always. We have to die some time.” ‘‘ Why, Weed, you are run nin tr ahead of your studies. You have jumped from the Fourth Reader to an advanced book of philosophy.” She did not thoroughly comprehend his meaning, but she laughed and bestowed on him a glance which forever remained a pleasant memory. “Do you, so fresh and vigorous, with such bloom of perfect life, ever think of dying?”

“Yes,” she replied, sadly, “my little sister was the picture of life, with more bloom than I have and with a face so bright that everybody wanted to kiss it, but she died. When they said that she could not get well I did not believe them, but one morning when I went to the bed and found the bloom all gone, I knew that they had told me the truth. Now I know that every bodycan die and that the bloom does not mean life but many times means death.” He looked at her in surprise. He had taken great pains to correct her language, and had from day to day noted her advancement; yet he was not prepared for the expression of such views, common enough with older people, but rare with one so young. “You are right, Weed. The rose may be bright to-day, but to-night a frost may kill it; but we have wandered from our subject. What was I trying to tell you, anyway?” “About your going to leave.” “Oh, yes. You know that I cannot remain here much longer. Very few men would have staid this long, but I, having nothing to do—” “And did you stav here because you had nothing to do?” “I don’t exactly mean,that. I mean that I could not have, remained had other business engagements- pressed me.”

“But you .would not have come hero had other business engagements pressed you.” . “You are developing tact as well as philosophy. Now, to tell you the truth, after staying here three days no business could have called me away. Only one person could have influenced me to leave.” “Who?” “You, and you alone.” “How could I have had any influence?” “You possess an Unconscious influence that is stronger than iron. If you had said you did not want me to remain I should have gone away. 41 have studied your face closely, and I have ever seen, or fancied that I saw, kindness and welcome in y.our eyes.” “Isn’t it time to take'in school, Mr. Hayloid?” : ‘ . . "No, there is time for nothing but to tell you of my deep lovefor you. r I love you with a heart that was never before moved.” She had twisted off the button, and sat changing it from one hand to the other. * - "No woman, no matter how cultivated, could win my Jove from you.” “Do you know why I learned so

fast ?” she asked, dropping the button and clasping her hands. . “Because you have a bright mind.”, “No, because I love you.” He caught her in his arms and was pressing her lips when Windin’ Blades burst into the room. “Thjar now,” he said, stopping in amazement “Thar now Mr, Hayloid. Don’t say nothin’ morei to me "’bout kitchin’ grasshoppers. I’d rather be kotch puttin’ gear on grasshoppers than to be kotch puttin’ my arms round a gal. Whoop!” and Windin’ Blades, in celebration of his conquest, seized a bench leg and belabored the writingtable. “I’m goin' to tell pa on you, sir,” said the girl. “I’m goin’ to tell him on you,” again whooping and striking the table. “I don’t see how anybody can study when you are making such a noise.” “Study, liar yah, whoop!” and he raised a deafening din. “Wai,” when he had sufficiently commemorated his discovery, “believe I’ll go home if thar ain’t goin’ to be no school,” and before a protest could be made, Windin’ Blades had leaped from the door and disappeared. “That was unfortunate,” said Hayloid, “and I would give almost anything if it could be recalled. “Are you sorry that you told me ?” “Oh, no.” “Then you are that—that you tried to kiss me?” - “No; for if some one had stepped in and shot me I should not have regretted my action.” “And you do love me as truly as you say you do?” ‘ Deeper than I can express, and I want you to be my wife.” “Don’t you think that I am too much of a child ?” - - “No, you are quite a woman, We can study together, and your bright mind can blossom into a flower of brilliance and beauty.” They are standing in front of the fife.’ .

“I will be your wife.” He took her in his arms, and was in the. act of kissing her, when the old man Socklaster stepped into the room. “Hello! Wall, by jinks, this is a funny sort o’ school.” Hayloid stammered an unintelligible reply. "‘Sort o’ kissin’ school, an’ I must say that if Weed has lant as fast in that ar branch as she has in her books, she’s a mighty ap’ scholar. Can’t you. sorter 'splain yourse’f, mister!” - “There is not much of an explanation to make, old gentleman,” replied the teacher. “I love your daughter and she loves me. I have asked her to be my wife, and she has—” “Told him that I am too young,” interposed the blushing girl. “Wall,” said the old man in expletive, for he could really say nothing, and only said “wall” to gain time. “Wall, I reckon that a gal what takes so nachul to kissin’ ain’t much too young to get maried.” ! ’ “Did you meet Windin’ Blades,” asked the girl. “No, I hain’t seed him since he left home. Here he is now.” “Pap, whut you reckon?” '“I reckon a good deal.” “Wall. Mr. Hayloid has been er kissin’ of Weed.”

“He’s got a right to kiss Weed. He’s goin’ ter be yei brother.”. “How?” ■ “By liiarryin' Weed. Wall, I reckon the school ’nd better break up fur terday. Come an’ we’ll all go home. Mur will be glad ter hear o’ the ’gagement, fur she’s mightily pleased with Weed’s lamin’. A woman can go through life erlarnin’, but airier a boy gets to be bout 21, he thinks he knows it all an’ don’t larn no more.” The old lady was indeed pleased to hear of the engagement, as she “tuck such a likin’ ter the young man” that she opened the pear preserves which she had been saving for the preacher. At night, while in contented half circle they sat by the fire, Hayloid remarked : , “It has ever been a mystery to me why I did not have more pupils. I was told that the people of this neighborhood wanted a school.” The old man laughed. “Day after day.” continued the teacher, “I expected to receive additional encouragement, but as you know I was disappointed. What kind of people have you in this country, any - how?!!)--“Fust-rate folks.”

“They evidently do not care to see their children educated ?” “Oh, yas, they’re mighty keen fur edycation.” “Then they certainly have a poor opinion of my ability as a teacher?” “Ah. no; they think you’re a mighty smart man.” “Well then, confound it, why didn't they send their children to school.” “I’m soon ter be ver daddv-in-law, ain’t 1 ?” “Yes.” ’ z “An’ yer won’t think hard o’ the ole man if he tell's yer a joke ?” “Of course not.” ' “Well, when if was knowed that yer was cornin’ here, I went ’round an’ told all the folks thet yer owed me money, an’ wan’t goin to teach no chillun but' mine. They would er &ent off an’ got another teacher but you see I rented the school-house fur a year. Now,” and the old man laughed heartily, “I’ll go aroun’ an’ explain, I’m putty well fixed, thank yer, an’ what I’ve "got is yourn.” ' Henry and Weed now conduct one of the most flourishing schools in Arkansaw, and old man Socklaster, it is said has learned to write his own nsnie.t— 'traveler.

Over-Education.

A correspondent to the London Spectator referring to Sir John Lubbock's experiments in teaching dogs to read, expresses a fexir lest the finer feelings and subtler perfections of the "friend of •man”-Tniay be injured by “over-edu-cation.” This probably was the sentiment of the old gentleman, whose son incited the bull-pup to fasten its teeth in the venerable parent’s noge and then exhorted the sufferes to “bear it as long as he could,” on the ground that it would “be the making of the pup.”New York Tribune.

A BLUE-BLOODED BOOTBLACK.

Strange and Romantic Adventures of tbo Young Duke of Almayagnil. A slim, light-Jiaired man, with deepset, blue eyes, regular features and a short mustache turned up at the corners of his mouth, poured out a string of mixed Spanish and Italian oaths as he stood at Ninth and Walnut streets, Philadelphia. He is the bootblack who recently decorated that corner with a red plush chair on a brass nail-studded throne. ' / ; A reporter asked what the trouble was.

“Dees nickel, eet hava ze plug,” the light-haired man replied, as he gazed mournfully after the retreating figure of a ward politician. The reporter climbed into the arm-chair. “How came you here ?” “Ah, Senor, ze storee of my travel he woulda filla ze book. I first saw ze light where ze olda Moresco Town of Algesiras looka over ze blue water of Gibraltal’s Strait toward ze white sunwashed walls of Ceuta.” “You express yourself with considerable fluency.” .. “I ada firsta-class educazione, and a ees a romanza connected wizaze istorie of-mya life.” ........ “So there is in that of a good many foreigners who drift over here. I know an organ grinder who—" “Oh! Senor, spara me,” said the Andalusian, “I am buta ze waif, but I am. not what I s—” “None o’ that. No Lady of Lyons’ business here.” “I ’ava ze strange istorie. Es I ’ada my right I would ava ze corona of Duca di Almayaguil ina ze corner of my pocket’and. Av de mi Alhama,” and he buried his face in his hands. “Even the organ-grinder didn’t go as far as that,” sad the quarter-column Macaulay, sharply.

“Buta it is ze trut’. Ze Rossis of Algesiras are cousins of ze Medina Celt;” and he drew from his bosom a locket with a coat-of-arms surmounted by a ducal coronet and the motto: “Semper Lustro.” While the reporter examined the relic Rossi remarked: “Weatha too dampa, no taka shina right. But my istorie. Il Conde Enrico Rossi, of Alguazar, married in 1794 ze daughter of a simple toreador. A poor girl—-se-cret—a matrimonio segreto—and a son you understan?” - - “Go on.” “You betta. Ze old Castle proverbo say, ‘Ze soonest pelican hca geta ze oystare.’ Zay leta no grassa grow on zare feet.” —— • _—~;7 “Was the secret of your birth known at Algebiras ?” “Oh, yes—leetle street® boys calla em little Duke—trowa ze mud. After mozrire die her brozaire, a priest, bringa eem up. Want a me to be a priest like eem; go to serainario; no go; don’t like eem run away to sea—l 2 years old. Since zen, travel all ze time. Zis (tapping his breast where the locket was hidden) is all zat ze last of the Rossis—-Dukes of Almayaguil -- ’as to show of ze lost treasures of ’is ’ouse.” “Duke—Where have you traveled?” “Oh! (describing an immense circle with his bauds), everyvere —Sea of Mediterraneo—Sea of Adriatico—of Marmora—ze Black Sea. I have stood in ze shadow of St. Sophia at Constantinopoli and listen to ze roar of ze Russian guns in ze Balkans. ’Ave touched Cleopatra’s Needle—an’ stick my 'and in Jacob’s well at Smyrna. I saw gondola pas balcony where Desdemona listen to Otelle’s narrations, an’ av watched eruption of Vesuvio across ze Bav of Napoli—ze ruins of Pompeii and Herculaneum an’ dropa ze tear on Byron’s grave at Missolonghi.” “When did you came to this country?” “Game to Canada firsta, Sight® ze mountain of Greenlan’ pass tru’ Behrin’ Strait, tru’ iceberg an’ icefiel’ an’ into Gulf of San Lorenzo. Stop at Charlottetown, Prince Edward Islan’, Picton, ’Alifax, San Juan, New Bruns’ an’ Quebec, where fell ze noble Montgom’.” “Did your grace see much of Canada?” “I should smila; Monte Reale, ze Rapid of Lachine, Ottowa, Toronto, Niagara Fall, where ze great Blondin walka ze rope; Lake Zamplain, One Zouzan He, dowii ’Udson to New York, City of Mity Doll; to Filadelfia, where zey ’ave brozerly love and ze bes’ beer and bootblack in ze world; zen to Wash, wiz its imposing Capitol and Pres-’dent Arthur.” “With its Capitol and imposing President Arthur?” —-“Senor, I nevare saya so. From Nova Yorck across ze Gulfa, Streanrto ze core! islands, ze Bermud, and back . toEnglan’; tru’ze Strait of Gibraltar an’ ze Mediterraneo, zen tru’ ze Canal of Suez to ze Red Sea, where I see if Monte Sinai, famous for Moses and bees parables.” “Aren’t you getting your Bible statistics a little mixed?!!—— “No! no! no! too fly; I pass tru’ Strait of Malacca into Indian Ocean and call at Singapore, ze great Indian City of Bombay, ze Celestial Hong Kong, where ze Chinese ladies are so polity to sober foreigner. Ze Fillipine ; lie, where you get a real Manila smoke. Zen across the Pacific Osh’ to Australia, ze wonder of ze wide, wide wort’, ze lan’ of gulden visions, ze lan’ of cornbeef an’ col’ mutton. Ze freest lan’ in ze worl’ for if you ’ave no boots you can go jus’ as bar efoot ns youa please." “Yon are wasting your time here,” said the reporter. The Duke smiled modestly, as with a magnificent wake of his sombrero he transferred a coin to his pocket. “Not wasta altogezaire,” he replied. “Make good zing sometime out of Dudas over zere,” (with a significant jerk of his thumb over his right shoulder). “Adios, Caballero. Call gain.

He Explained.

"Pa, what does ‘carrying the banner mean?’” asked a precocious G-year-old of his parent. “It means walking arrund all night so as to be up early in the morning. But why do you ask.” “Because I heard ma tell the new oreaclier that, you carried the banner’ it the battle of Gettysburg, and that if vou continued as you were doing now, mu soon would be ‘carrying it again.’ F

“My boy, gO and tell your ma that if she persists in making the new minister ine repository of her domestic secrets, tnere will be wigs and falge teeth on the green,” said the grief-striekee husband, as he sank into a chair. Pretzel’s Weekly.

Custom-House Examining Inspectors at Work.

Baggage is landed and deposited in separate piles, according tp the initials of the owners’ names, the proper label having been affixed on the steamer. The .places are designated by huge letters on the wall of the shed. c If there are many Smiths aboard, for instance, there will be a crowded congregation of trunks and owners about S. The examining inspectors are already drawn up in line across the dock, and nothing passes them without due scrutiny. Wearied travelers, who can leave their matters in the hands of friends, are relieved of further waiting, and after quick search of wraps and valises are allowed to depart in peace. As each individual’s baggage is brought together, he notifies the staff officer, and hands oyer his ticket. The officer selects the corresponding declaration, writes the name of an inspector—whom he calls fom the line—upon it, and directs immediate examination. This is usually sufficiently thorough. Inspectors, through long practice, become involuntary disciples of Lavater, and such expert critics of human nature that they almost intuitively detect attempted fraud. Dutiable articles not declared as such, are brought out, valued by the attendant appraiser, entered with value attached on the dclar- 7 ation, and the owner is obliged to pay the requisite duty to a clerk in attendance for the purpose of receiving it. The inspector also signs his name to the declaration. The efficiency and courtesy of the Deputy Surveyor, and also of the inspectors on the dock, together with the delicate discharge of their not particularly- pleasing duties, are worthy of high praise. Exceptions are few and far between. The questions asked about dresses, laces, ‘cloaks, etc, are not invariably met with precisely truthful rejoinders. To cheat Uncle Sam in revenue matters is regarded as a decidedly venial sin by most of his children, native and adopted. This notion is doubtless an unconscious remnant of the free booting ethics of forgotten ancestors. It is slowly yielding to h'gher and better ideas. Even the wealthiest are not exempt from the One _ gentleman, whosenameis synonymouswith almost fabulous wealth, returning from Europe in company with his wife, was compelled to pay SI,BOO in duties on her enormous stock of wearing apparel, which h e coa t end ed was not dutiable, whether it had or had Hot been worn. He appealed to the Secretary of the Treasury, who decided against him. -He then brought- suit within ninety days in tne United States Court. His wife swore that a portion of the whole had been worn in good faith. The duties paid on that portion were refunded, while those on the remainder were retained. Smuggling is carried on in many ways, and will be carried on while human nature continues to be what it is. Foreign retail traders are” adept instructors in the art of evading the payment of duties, as anyone who has been in the lace establishment of Des Marets. and other merchants <>f Brussele can testify. The ingenuity of inspectors is taxed to the utmost to defeat their schemes. Female inspectors are employed to search persons of their own sex who are sent to them by the Deputy Surveyor for that purpose. Of these inspectresses there are nine. In 1866 there were only four. The inspectresses perform their duties, both at Castle Garden and on the docks, in rooms set apart for such searches. Recitals of their experiences are at once amusing and humiliating to believers in the natural goodness of men, German Jews are more addicted to smuggling than people of other nationali ties, but none are altogether free from vice. Mo.listes and dress-makers are naturally the most frequent and flagrant offenders. Extra gold watches; lace, silk, linens, wound around the body or limbs; human hair in toupees, wigs," and switches sewn into skirts; new dregses stitched to old ones; silk and lace made up into several voluminous skirts—are among ordinary discoveries. One unlucky wight, suspected of complicacy in feminine designs, was found to have two sets of point-lace iij the crown of his hat—--11. Wheatley, in Harper's Magazine.

The First Arrival from Chicago.

“So you live in Chicago, eh?” observed a garrulous old chap from down East somewhere. "I hain't never been out to Chicago, though I’ve always wanted to. But the fact is, I’m afra ; d to go there, it is ’such a wicked—town. Down where I live people believe ; Chicago was twice burned out by the Lord, for being so wicked, and that the third time’ll do the business in earnest. There’s a mighty good story told down 'in our section ’bout Chicago. 'Spect it's an old yarn with you as ’tis with us, but some of our folks are half-inclined to believe it true. It’s about a man that went from the East to Imy real estate -and settle in the Weft. He stopped at Chicago and was tempted to : settle there. But the first night he ■ went to"bed he had a dream. He dreame 1 that he settled in Chicago, and after many years died and went to heaven He knocked at the goldengate. when St Peter came out ami wanted to know who he was. He said he was Mr. Jones, from Chicago. fc>t v Peter shook his head and said he never heard of such a place. But the man insisted there was a Chicago and that he came from there, and that if St. Peter would | get his map of the United States, Earth, ' he could see for hiimolf. So St Peter i sent an angel for the map. and when it came looked it over closely. Finally he 1 paused and remarked,: ‘Chicago? ' did you say Chicago ? You are right; here it is. But you must excuse my ignorance, Mr. Jones, because you havethe honor of being the first one that ever came from there here.”— Chicago Herald- '' . ■ ' ... . :r .~ The disease of the meter —gas trick fever.— Oil City Derrick.

SUGGESTIONS OF VALUE.

Doylies intended for fruit are ornamented by having one corner turned down, and a banana or other pieces of fruit worked on it. Window shades have a hand-painte 1 bunch of simple field flowers in the corner, or, if preferred, a spray of blossoms or berries. Reception biscuits are made by mixing self-rising flour with cream, which roll into a thin, smooth paste; prick, Cut,, and bake immediately. They should be kept dry in a close tin-box. If the flour is not self-rising, salt it lightly and mix with it a dessert spoon ful of baking powder. If you are to build a house, put a layer of mortar an inch thick between the partitions and at the ceiling, and you will not be troubled with rats and mice. If your house has no such remedy, place fine ground cayenne pepper in the raceways of the pests, and they will seek cooler climes. Fruit put up in tin-cans should be taken out entirely when the can is opened for use. If allowed to remain after the can is opened, 41)0 action of acid juices upon the solder, When exposed to the air, may form acetate of lead, which is poisonous. Pour the fruit out into glass or earthenware dishes, and the danger of poisoning is avoided. • .. - J ■

Cheap unbleached muslin curtains are made to look very, picturesque by drawing out the threads a space of two inches on the sides at the lower edge; hem-stitch the same with French cotton and trace with embroidery cotton at _ regular intervals over the rest of the drapery-clustered reaves, and give to the outer edge a finish of plaited lace, which may be had for 5 cents a yard. Sofa pillows, foot rests, bannerets, and screens are made of stamped velvet-. ine painted in light tints in xvater colors/; The slightest possible knowledge of painting is requisite, for the art consists simply in coloring the floral design delicately in colors suitable to their forms. Leaves should be in rather paler t nts than nature orders, with more inclination to olive tints. Red, yellow, and deep blue flowers should be more delicately colored. A shield for a lamp chimney is made of card board and silk. Take a piece of card-board two inches deep and nearly txvo inches wide. Sew together to form a round and line with silk. Put it on plain, letting it stand over a little at the upper edge, where it is drawn tight. The ornamentation for the outside is composed of a box-pleated frill of ribbon a half-inch wide, surmounted by a unique design for which two strips of card-board are cut, each eleven inches long and three-quarters of an inch wide; one is covered with the plain silk, the other with velvet. The silk may be painted or embroidered. The two strips are now tacked sloping across each other at one end and then wound around each other, by which the corners are formed; if not of the exact shape they must be pinched in here and there. A round piece of satin ten inches wide at the edge and two inches high is now gathered with a narrow heading for a top puffing. The upper edge is drawn in close and ornamented with a large silk pompon.

Once is Enoughs

Though most people do their best to prolong life, few are in favor of repeating it. Even with the wisdom acquired in a lifetime to arm one for the battle, nobody longs to go back and try it over again. Indeed, those who are honest admit that they could not do it; that knowing what the ordeal is they would have no courage to begin it. Each seems to feel as he nears the end of the intricate and tiresome journey that he has been miraculously preserved; that another time he might net be so fortunate. The greater his accumulation of wisdom the more certain he is of this. Nothing is more destructive to self conceit than living. It is not the disabled, the defeated, and the baffled alone who rejoice that the business of life is one that can have no repetition. The successful, the honored, the envied—those who are considered victors—entertain the same feeling. They rejoice that ft is not to be done over again. No one wants to live his childhood over again, although that stage of his existance may have been comparatively a happy one. Maturity has taught him that it was inferior; and sad as his wisdom is, he would not exchange it for the crude .bliss of ignorance. The middle-aged man sighs, perhaps, that his youth has been spent unprofitably, but he does not want it back again. The patriarch boasts of his days of strong young manhood, but he would not go back and live them over if he could. No, he does not wish to live it over again, not in his happiest hours. They are all -safe in memory, and he speaks of them with a smile and a sigh, but he does not ask for them again. Yet they were full of honor, crowded with love and crowned with success. And the aged woman whose girlhood was a blaze of belledom, and whose” early woomanhood was rich in happiness : Does she sigh repeat her vanished years? If asked she would say: “Onge is enough:” And -So everywhere the same refusal to go through it all would be heard. “Once is enough." Who, after reading the poets, could return to the primer and find it endurable? "Who either wishes or needs to learn- the same lesson twice ? Once is enough.

His Flame.

“Young man, you have been coming to my house almost every night during the whole winter, and now all at once you become cool, and hardly speak to my daughter. What does all this mean?, Explain yourself!” The young man hesitated, and finally said, in a scared-sort of a way: “I—l came to your house during the winter, because—” , ‘‘Young man, if you love my daughter, come out and Spy so ” ..“4 came because—because I had no stove in my room, and I wanted to get warm.'* "You can just go to—o where it is hot without a stove,” and the young man picked himself up out on the sidewalk. — Texan Siftings. :■