Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 June 1884 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

An exchange calls a hog a “porcine quadruped.” No wonder that the kink in a pig’s tail is too limber for corkscrews !— zNewman Independent Original jokes will be received when accompanied by a five dollar bill, not necessary for but as a guarantee of good faith.— Chicago Sun. Two Newman men are so stingy that when the minister announced that “Salvation was free,” they immediately - went forward to get it— Newman Independent Some man utters the following bit of wisdom: “It is better to love a man that you can never marry than to marry a man you can never love.”— Carl Pretzel’s Weekly. Matches are made double-ended in Mexico. This enables a smoker to burn twice as many fingers as formerly while lighting a cigar, and increase his knowledge of Spanish profanity.— Paris Beacon. Some of the nice young ladies who are in the habit of using slang will be shocked to hear that the word “gosh” so often used when practicing at the piano or when trying to sharpen a lead pencil, is the worst kind of swearing. “Gosh” means “My Father,” and was used by Elliot in his Indian Bible.— Peck's Sun. Says a French investigator: “A bee, in proportion to its size, can pull thirty times as much as a horse.” The Frenchman is right. The bee, however, can" push 100 times more to the square inch than it can pull. One good healthy bee has been known to tackle a man on the back of his neck, seated on the back seat, at a camp meeting and send him clean through the congregation, without anything being able to stop him. SHE REFERRED HIM TO HER PA. Her fairy form Her modest face, Her charming air, And winning grace Enchanted all The lads In town. And each one loved Jemima Brown She oft was called - - - - The village pride, And for her love I long had sighed. I said I’d know No joy in life, till she’d Consent to be my wife. She blushed quite red and said “Oh, la,” and then referred me te Her pa, His manner was both rude and rough, and when he spoke his tones < Were gruff I asked him then in accents Bland to give to me his daughter’s hand For answer he gave me his foot encased Within this cowhide boot! —Somerville Journal. He tumbled into the depot behind a blooming nose, that glowed through the smoky twilight as red as a red, red rose. He came to the ticket window, and thereunto he froze. “Hie, Achent, gif me un teeket.” He threw his breath like a sledge. It knocked the student out of his chair, and onto “the ragged edge,” hit the agent where he lived, and broke his temperance pledge. “Gif me dot teeket, I told you. I can’t schtood here all tay.” “Where to ?” asked the agent, meekly. “I goes auf der train avay.” “To what place shall I sell you a ticket ? Where are you going, I say?” He drew himself up proudly; he climbed upon his ear, and, in a voice of thunder that froze the crowd with fear, yelled: “Maybe dot’s some off your beezness.—Texas Siftings. “Yes," said Dumley, “I served three years in the war of the rebellion, and if I do say it myself, I made a good soldier.” “You have a very soldierly bearing,” said young Brown, admiringly. “So I have been told,” replied Dumley. “Even to this day.” he continued, “strains of martial music will set my pulse bounding, and like a warhorse, I scent the battle from afar." “Were you ever wounded, Mr. Dumley ?” asked Mrs. Simpson-Hendricks, considerably excited. “N-no,” be said, “I never was; I was very fortunate in that respect.” .“Yes, indeed.” ventured _ young Brown, “a gunshot wound is an ugly thing. I suppose you can attribute your good fortune to your nose?” “What has my-nose to do with my not getting wojmded?” demanded Dumley. “Why its—its abilitv to scent the battle from afar, you know.”— Philadelphia Call. .