Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 May 1884 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

A Paris Chinaman recently found a kidney-pad on the sidewalk, and has made enough soup out of it to start a boarding house.— Paris Beacon. A smart young man may feel flattered at being called a chip off the old block, but when solid timber is wanted the old block is the best — Carl Pretzel's Weekly. “It is a wise man who knows his own business,” says the Waterloo Observer. Yes, and it is a wiser man who devotes his whole time to attending to it .rr-New York Graphic. “Love is blind!” Maybe that’s why Hie gas is so often tunned down in the parlor when loves takes possession. Because why ? Love being blind, there is no sense in wasting gas to make light for it

It is very desirable to be a good reader. A clergyman is said to have once read the following passage from the Bible, with the emphasis thus : “And the old man said unto his sons, saddle me the ass *, and they saddled him!" A noted physician says that the frequent use of an organ or muscle of the body greatty increases its size. If this were true, there is a woman in this town whose tongue would be bigger than her head, and her mouth would resemble a hungry boy s bite into a custard pie.— Newman Independent.

Eureka ! An exchange has at last discovered that “the reaaon so many young men are fresh is because they are not able to earn their salt." It may be exactly as stated, but does it not seem that it was more because they are too much indisposed to earn their salt insteachof not being able ? However, the mystery is solved.— Peck’s Sun.

“How did you come ever ?” asked the ild gentleman of his prodigal son, who had been in Europe all summer and was looking somewhat run down at the heel. "First-class,” said the prodigal son, joyously. The old gentleman looked suspicious but said nothing, and the prodgial afterward explained to his sister that he had come over in the steerige, but wasn’t sick a minute,’and he called that first-class.— Hawkeye.

Says an old lake captain: “There is me standard for mates and another for Captains. For instance, a mate may shout ‘la your line clear?* and not feel ft necessary to freeze the souls of passengers aboard, but the captian views it in a different light. When he utters an order or shouts an inquiry he expects to see splinters fly from every warehouse. Why, sir, when the captain of a first-class propeller cries out to go ahead or back her he expects to paralyze everything for a mile around.” “And he needs a voice?” “Av, sir, he must have a voice as heavy as the roaring sea lion. When he has the voice he must study pose. When ho has the pose he must practice facial expression. To bo a successful captain he must have a voice like McCullough, a pose like Barrett, and a dignity of look which might belong to an offended lion.—Exchange.

J.I.F* UP TER HAN'S. £f ole Satan think-! he ken ketch <1 in chile, Lif* up yer lian’s ter de liawd;f Hell (tit mighty sick o’ de Kespnl 'lie. Lit' up yer ban'® ter de I/iiwd; He’d like fur ier to stick me in de burnin’ lake, Lif’ up yer han'a ter do Lawd; But I knocks him down wid de heabenly c ike, Lit’ up her ban’s to de Lawd. Oh! sinner man, O-o-ab, o-o-ah, O-o aoher o-o Come gino de ban", O-o aoher hi ho lioo. i'ae dr Jeered dat Satan Uab eoteh my wife, Lit’ np yer han's ter de Lawd; An' es she’s below, she make er miahty strife. Lit’ up yer han’s ter de Lawd; 11c debil will tine hisses at her loss, Lit’ up yer han's ter de Lawd; Ter see down dar dat he ain’ de bees. Lit' up yer han’s ter de Lawd. Oh I my soul. O-o-ah. o-o-ab, o-o-achor o-o Will shine like goV, O-o-acher hi ho boo. -■ Oitie P, Heed, in Texas Hiftings. A COMING EVENT. When balmy erows the air, Then housewives will prepare Their annual spring cleaning to commence, 'mence, ’menee. Their husbands will look bine. *- And swear an oath or two. And growl that women haven't got any sense, sense, sense. —Sowerville Journal.