Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 May 1884 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

Eating onion makes one’s breath strong. This is a hint to opmsumptives.—CarlPretteVa Weekly ''The latest novelty is a line of street cars in Central Asia, drawn by camels. Every member of the Christian church shonld net fail to load the “camel light.” —Paris Beacon. She —“l am fond of poetry.” He—- “ Are you, indeed; they are so distressing. But then lam not troubled much with them, and ma does all the cooking.”— Chicago Herald. i. A man in New York is writing a book entitled, “No Tongue can Tell.” We’ll bet our last year’s socks against a piece of goat liver that that man never was married.— Newman Independent A French philosopher says a woman may love or hate, but she can never be indifferent. Guess he has never seen the look that comes over a woman’s face when her husband asks if there is such a thing as a shirt button in the house. A couple of Yassar girls were found by a professor fencing with broomsticks in a gymnasium. He reminded them' that such an accomplishment would not aid them in seenrihg husbands. “It will help us in keeping them in,” replied one of the girls. Down in Pennsylvania they have sociables where you can kiss all the girls you want to at 5 cent apiece. Pennsylvania evidently believes in keeping down the prices on luxuries, even if they have to whoop it up high -on dog taxes and other necessaries of life. A man down South hired an old darkey to work for him and never paid him. After three years of all work and no pay, the darkey sued his employer. During the trial the lawyer said to him: “Well, Uncle Pete, didn’t the defendent pay you anything at all for your services ?” “You mean de boss, sah?” “Yes, I mean the boss.” “No sah. I wu’ked fob dat man free yeahs, sah, an’ all I got wuz fowty fo' cents, sah, an’ fo’ de Lawd, I swah, sah, I’d a nebbah got dat, es I hadn’t a bin powahful schemey.”— Merchant Traveler. A Patent Storm Indicator has been patented. This is a Avant long felt. Now when a man stays out late all he has to do is to take his storm indicator out of hi# pocket and take observations before entering the house. If his wife is up waiting to receive him the indicator will make it known by violent agitation, and all the man has to do is to keep out of the house. If she has retired and is asleep, the idicator makes it known by a soft purring similar to that of a cat. Then it is safe to go in; no storm Brewing. This pocket storm indicator is indeed a great blessing to the husband who visits the club or lodge,— Peck's Sun. Josephine Pollard declares: “The bold and the timid, the ha wit and the dove Astonish e:ich other by lulling in love. Oh. this falling in love! This tailing in love! There’s nothiug so tunny as falling in loye!.” And then again she says: ‘‘Oh, this falling in love! Thiß tallied in lov •! There’s nothing so upsetting as fall Ing iirtove!" We don’t know what Josephine’s experience may have been, but we once saw a man fall down two flights of stairs with a marble top bureau, and he seemed to be getting about as much fun and upsetting out of the seance as ever we saw anybody get out of a breach of promise case. However, we may be too prosaic and realistic to appreciate the true poetry of things.— Burdette. OWED TO MY BOARDING HOUSE. Air— The Otd Oaken Bucket How dear to my purse is the boarding-house racket, Its sour-mash potato. Its roast beef so dry 1 ; Its dough-nut so hard that a hammer won’t crack it; It’s fire-proof. 15ark-nnn)ber, dried-apnle pie. Oh, tho piecrust soclnmmy,Hogroasy.so flammyl No pen can do justice to boarding house pie! The “tea-dust” Bohen and clilccory Mocha: The fradnlent bread made of napler mache; Tho grocery cracker so freckled and smoky; The burglar-proof butter, so brindled and g ay Oh, the strong, long-haired butter—so utterly utter, Piecse call in the barber—or take it away! lam taking French lesveof my prose"t location; But ere I depart—for my landlady’s sake— As a souvenir precious, of lasting duration, I’U hare ray boots hail-soled with boarding honse steak. Oh, the highway is rough; and the steak, sure, is tougli; It shall tramp whilo I live, and then dance at my w^ke. —Texas Siftings.