Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 36, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 May 1884 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

Debt always grows bigger the more • you contract it. f The motto for scissors editors—positively no credit The best prescription for a poet —a composing Hraft. “Before taking”—the thief on the lookout for an opportunity. “Ho tod think yon will shoot any deer?” was asked of a sportsman going out for a hunt. “If venison of a gun does you can bet I will,” was the reply. A religious exchange asks: “What is the mission of the humorons paper?” Well, one of its missions seems to be to furnish material for non-secular journals to steal bodily.— Texas Sifdngs. “O, professor!” exclaimed sentimental old Mrs. Fish whacker, during a private organ recital in her new musicroom, “do pull out that sweet nux vomica stop once more!” “A farmer’s wife” wants to know if we can recommend anything to destroy the “common grub.” We guess the next tramp that comes along could oblige you, if the family can’t stand your cooking.

Blacksmiths forge and are allowed to do it. Carpenters do a little counterfitting and are not molested. While prominent hardware dealers sell iron and steel for a living. —Carl Pretzel’s Weekly. “Doctor, my daughter seems to be getting blind, and she i 8 just getting ready for her wedding. Whatever will she do ? “Let her go on, by all means. If anything can open her eyes, marriage can.” “Where is the girl of long ag6?” sings Joaquin Miller. We saw her the other day, Joaq. But she isn’t a girl any more. She had gray hair and a wart on her nose, had no teeth, and wore specks. The conception of a divine will, divided from that of the human will, involves, like it, localization in space and time; the willing of each end, excluding from consciousness for an interval the willing of other ends, and therefore being inconsistent with the omnipresent activity which similtaneously works an infinity of ends. —Herbert Spencer. This is the doggondest advertisement of a bustle manufactory we ever read! We thought Herbert Spencer was a scientist.—Newman Independent EPITAPHS. Here doth a jokinir barber lie Who dyed,to live, yet lived to die, Agatn he II turn “,rom ‘grave" to gay” If, on the r.izor-rectlon day. The angel Gabriel sa.va he’s “next.” But, if Bt. Peter him rejects, He'll light the shavings for Old Nick. And scrape acquaintance with him quick. Ifpre lies a tailor with his thread Of life cut short. New that lie’s dead Eel’ll mend his ways so in the sky' Ha and his goose can both hang high. This Is the Inst of the first shoemaker Who pegged out booting his undertaker. He left his wife and children small. His stockin' trade, a d that was awl. For saving soles ho wan well known; So we may hope h: saved his own. —II. (7. Dodye in Detroit Free Press. THE OLD ELM TBEE.

As .. I sat beneath - an old elm tree, the wind went whistling by. It bent its boughs and soitly breathed *be following with a sigh: “I have lived here for many a year and seen the - nmmer come and ga The spring time with its flowers and i ain, t he winter wl h its chilling blast, when white with snow and ice the skies are over-ca-t In summer t mebeheath my shade have children < ften played, and ob, howoft, beneath my boughs lave lovers renewed their (’lighted vows, and many a time the old and feeble have sought my shade to smoke their pipes or ply the needle: and thus it’s been with smiles and tears 1 have watched them come and go for thiee score years, and many a ta'e I could tell of what in that time befell, but age is creeping o'er my head and I fear my lots are getting dead; and soon rpwither and decay like those who sought my shade each day. —Chicago Sun.