Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 35, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 May 1884 — PITH AND POINT. [ARTICLE]

PITH AND POINT.

After Claud married he wrote it, “Clawed.” Helen of Troy was the. first woman who wanted to go to Paris and leave her husband at home! ■ A harried woman says that heFhusband used to rave over her before marriage. Now he only raves at her. “Light is gradually breaking—me,” remarked the man when he paid a gas bill twice as large as usual.— Merchant Traveler. Men of intellect stand by their ideas; dissipated men fall by their rye dears, and men with extravagant wives are ruined by their high dears. “I’d like to give yon a piece of my mind, Mrs. Smiggs.” “I wouldn’t talk of impossibilities, Mr. Smiggs. The article yon speak of is too small to be divided.” 1 A Newman youth sent a dollar to a New York firm and received a watch, the case of which was made of earthenware. He caUs it his “crocky-dial.”— Newman Independant. A reporter asked a Chinaman if he expected to marry. The wicked heathen made answer: “Me mallee? No, sir. Mallee ne funnee; blette funnee single man, alle same Melican man.” “No, my son, yon shouldn fc jump at conclusions. The prima donna doesn’t ride in a special car because y obody will ride in the same coach with her. It is because she prefers to ride that way—that’s all.” Up into the apple tree Gaily he bounds; For not a soul lain sight, As he continuouslv looked round. But ere he can pan ake Of the In-cions fruit. He hears a doggy growl. And sees a great big boot J Underneath unon the girmmf. —Carl Pretzel's Weekly. The late A. T. Stewart, some fifteen years ago, paid $50,000 for an oil painting by a foreign artist. There lias been a great reduction in the price of art since then. Last week a panorama nearly half a mile long was sold at public sale for $875. One was “high" art and the other w:i3 long art If there were any other differences they were not strikingly apparent, save in price. LIFE AND DEATH. Life is the flower which blows, Death is the withered leaf; Life is the grain as it grows. Death is the garnered sheaf; Life is the blazing fire. Death is the a-di grown cold; Li’eis the glittering spire. Death is the ruin old; Life is the whistling gale, Deathis the calm repose: Life’s the continued tale. Death is the story's c ose; Life is the flowing stream. Death ihe mys-terious deep; Li "e is -x wal kin g dream, Death is the long, last sleep —Texas Sis linos. ■ -

A Maine man broke off liis engagement to marry a girl alleging that “she couldn’t cook,” whereupon she declared that she “could cook herrings” and she added “yon know darned well them’s all you can afford to pay for.” If, as the young man asserts, she couldn’t cook, there may be good grounds for him to break the engagement, but if, as she declares, she may feel thankful that he backed out. It is about an even stand off, taking the words of the interested parties as a base on which to form judgment.—Peck’s Sun. A colored man was hanging around one of the opera-houses in a manner to show that he was deeply interested in what was going on inside, and a gentleman finally said to him: “Why don’t you go in ? Under the Civil-Rights bill you can lake a seat in the parquet-cir-cle.” “Yes, sail! I knows all’bout dat, sab!” was the reply. “Under CibilBiglils bill I ken take a seat in the house; but under the present strain in my finances I couldn’t buy two shingles if hull opera houses were sellin’ for ten cents apiece, sail.— -Xeio Yoi'k Independents ■ —r~ y. The superintendent of a certain railroad called up a conductor one day and said to him: “So, sir, I understand you passed a man over our line recently on your own authority. Is it true, sir?” “Yes, sir, it is." “Didn’t you know, sir, that you wore violating the regulations?” “Yes.” “Then, ‘sir, why did you do it, I should like to ask?” “Well. Captain, you see I got so dang lonesome riding back and forth every day all by myself, that I gave a friend of mine a pass just for company.” The conductor was looking for a job the next day.— Merchant Traveler.