Rensselaer Republican, Volume 16, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 May 1884 — An Oyster Party. [ARTICLE]

An Oyster Party.

Wilson’s wife had given him a commission to executei, and, although lie Was not the purchasing member of the firm, she thought she could trust him to get her some oysters for Sunday dinner. “Now, dear,” she said, “you must, you must withdraw your mind from those stnpid philosophical studies and don’t let the oyster man get ahead of you, for he’ll do it if he sees the chance. Now, mind, I want three pints of bulk oysters.” ” “How d’ye sell the oysters ?” said Wilson to the Teutonic fossil who was head clerk and proprietor of the oystershop. “Vordy cends by a kwart,” replied the fossil. “Gimme three pints, then.” The oysters were duly damped into his tin pail and a silver dollar handed over the counter in return. After considerable mental figuring 40 cents were handed back in change. Another men* tal calculation, this time on Wilson’s part. j “How’s this,” he exclaimed, “I wantj 30 cents more.” “Ye-es, I pelief dots so,” said the German, scratching his head in a puzzled wav. “No; liolt on. You got dree bints, ain’t it ?” “Yes.” “Veil, dot’s 40 cents py a kwart, und dree bints is den 00 cents; ain’t dot so?” “Why, no, of course not,” said Wilson. “There’s four pints 6 in a quart, ain’t there? So three pints would only be 30 cents.” “Mine friend, you eand blay dot game on me. Yea I wend on der schale der vos only dvo binds in a kwart,” “Why, you old fool,” retorts Wilson, “I can prove it b / anybody. Here Brown, come in here a minute. How many pints are there in a quart?” “Eight!” exclaimed Brown, readily, “Vot’s de metter mit you?” asked the vender. “Oh, Mr. Shonson, chust come auf de sthore vouce und dell de elientlemens liow many bints vos in a kwart.” “There’s six,” exclaimed Johnson, “either six or four. I don’t just remember which.” “Gott grasbioiis!’’ exclaimed the exasperated fish-monger. “You dinks I vos a geese. I glean de whole sthore mit you oud.” During the racket which followed, a policeman entered, arid upon being told that the oyster-man was trying to sell three pints of oysters for a quart and a half, lie remarked that the new Superintendent was down on all these cheatin’ hucksters, and so marched the German off to the calaboose, and Wilson went home triumphantly and told his wife about the man who had tried to sell oysters two pints to the quart,— Indianapolis Scissors.